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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29089995">Satellite Mind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenstrange/pseuds/ravenstrange'>ravenstrange</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Kick Out the Jams [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(Maybe) Memory Loss, Aren't all CP77 fics just fix it fics now?, Character Study, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, Eventual Sex, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Flashbacks to 2077, Idiots in Love, Inspired by Music, Johnny and V are both hot messes still, Lovers to Friends, More Characters to be Added (Cause Spoilers), Ok maybe more than some, Original Characters (V's Band), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past doesn't stay in the past, Samurai Reunion Tour, Some angst, Time Travel Fix-It, V has a band, V in 2020, V is a musician, V is named, kinda time travel but not really, there's gonna be a whole lot of metric music in this guys, you read that tag right</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:01:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>47,165</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29089995</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenstrange/pseuds/ravenstrange</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s 2020, and Samurai is getting ready for their reunion tour. Like nothing happened, and everything that he remembers is just a dream. </p><p>No, it’s another trick from Alt, it <i>has</i> to be. Because there was no way he could have dreamt everything that happened, no way he could have dreamt V. And when he puts on his jacket, her bullet necklace is hidden within the pocket. But it’s 57 years <i>before</i> he met V and everything that followed…so where is she?</p><p>Opening up for their reunion tour. <i>That's</i> where she is.</p><div class="center"></div>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Johnny Silverhand &amp; Female V, Johnny Silverhand/Female V, Johnny Silverhand/V</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Kick Out the Jams [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2229351</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>342</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>342</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. ; beating like a hammer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Think when this is over, you’ll stay in Night City?” She asks, smoke billowing out from between her lips. They’ve chosen one of the highest points of the city. She leans against the roof balcony, looking out over city below. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He knows that she’s talking about a hypothetical where both of them make it out alive. Both of them back in bodies that are theirs. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>An ending they most likely wouldn’t get. Still, he played along. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He shrugs his shoulders, flicking digital ash over the roof’s edge. “Depends, if I leave, you comin’ with me?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There’s an easy smile that curls up on her lips, “You have to ask?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He smirks, tossing the cigarette as it digitally disappears. “Figure I only got what is in front of me, V,” he says as he reaches over and rests his metal hand on her hip, “Don’t matter much if you ain’t at my side.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Still us against the world, then?” She asks, as she tosses her own real cigarette and blows the smoke away from him out of a courtesy. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Until there’s nothing left but ashes, babe.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then yeah,” She grins, an arm wrapped around his shoulders, “I’m coming with.”</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p><p>“Hey, dickhead, get the fuck up.”</p><p>The voice is rough and annoyed, and he feels his body being shaken before he opens his eyes. “Fuck, you’d think you got more wasted than I did last night, and fuck I was <em>gone</em>.”</p><p>“Fuck off, Ker” he replies. He’s groggy, he’s pissed off, he’s disoriented.</p><p>Kerry removes his hands from Johnny’s shoulders and straightens up. He runs his hands through his dark hair, and gestures to the door behind him. “But seriously, get the fuck up. Not explaining to the label why you’re not there again.”</p><p>The headache is blinding, and Johnny pushes himself up to only close his eyes again immediately. He hears the sound of glasses being picked up, and then he feels them hit him in the chest; thrown at him. With the world slightly darker, he allows himself to adjust to the light.</p><p>Hotel room, he recognizes that much. Not one he paid for, judging by how it’s trashed – though not that has ever made a damn difference before.</p><p>He smells of alcohol and sweat, and he’s naked. Also, not uncommon.</p><p>“Johnny, are you getting your gonk ass up?” Kerry says with more impatience, and Johnny waves him off.</p><p>“Yes, fuck, <em>jesus, </em>give me ten minutes.”</p><p>“You have <em>two</em>, meet you outside.”</p><p>Johnny grumbles a response that could be taken as an affirmative, and Kerry leaves the room with the door practically slamming shut behind him.</p><p>The slam of the door loudly pounds in Johnny’s ears that he realizes something is missing.</p><p>A panic starts to set in, deep in his chest.</p><p>
  <em>…and then a stupid wave of relief washes over me.</em>
</p><p>The thought stops him in his tracks, a beat before he remembers.</p><p>Offered a third choice. Both half-jokingly going along with it, and then the feeling of being ripped away from her. The panic in her voice as she called out for him, the panic in his as he reached for her before it all went black.</p><p>His heart beats faster as he stands up out of the bed and searches the room, every damn corner as if she would magically appear. “Fuck, <em>fuck</em>,” he mutters, his mind searching for something that he can’t find. Something that isn’t there, nothing but a hole left in its space.</p><p>V is <em>gone</em>, and he has no idea where he is and…</p><p>He stares at the door that Kerry walked through. Kerry with his longer dark hair and half-finished tattoos, and neck that isn’t fully chromed out in gold. Kerry looking 50 years <em>younger</em>. Johnny’s panic rises, reacting the only way he knows how. He starts to trash the hotel room further to find something, <em>anything</em> to tell him what day it is.</p><p>Finally, he finds it, his holo resting on the table. Exactly how it used to look, broken screen, screen beneath it glitching as it turned on.</p><p>The time appears, the date appears, and he inhales sharply.</p><p>November 1, 2020.</p><p><em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>Alt had said there was a body he could return to, but it wasn’t there <em>presently</em>. Fuck, he should have understood her better. Should have realized…</p><p>But if he was here, 57 years before he had met V, where the fuck was <em>she?</em></p><p>“Johnny! I said two fucking minutes!” Kerry screams from the other side of the door, banging on it for extra measure.</p><p>He wasn’t going to find answers in this hotel room. Especially when she wasn’t here. He dressed, grabbed his holo, and secured his shades on his face once more, ignoring just how profoundly empty he felt.</p><p>He grabbed her – <em>his</em> Samurai jacket on the way out.</p><p>“Fucking <em>finally</em>, listen I don’t want to have this fucking meeting either,” Kerry immediately started speaking again, Johnny falling in step next to him with his hands shoved into the pocket of his jacket. “But the label says—”</p><p>“Fuck the label,” Johnny replies, his mind starting to catch up with what was going on here. 2020 was when they had their reunion tour, playing across the world, needing the money. “We don’t need a fucking opening band.”</p><p>The words felt weird coming out of Johnny’s mouth as he said it – as he had remembered the tour, there had only just been them. No opening band. There was no interference from the label; why was he thinking there was now?”</p><p>Kerry laughed in agreement next to him, as they continued into the elevator, “No, we fucking don’t. But just so happens the band they had in mind; lead singer is a friend of mine.”</p><p>“You have friends?”</p><p>“Fuck you, you’re one of them.”</p><p>“<em>Am I</em>?”</p><p>It was too easy to fall back into the routine of 2020 Johnny. It was too easy to act as if he didn’t give a fuck, other than what his goals were at the time. Gather resources, fuck Arasaka, avenge Alt, burn the city to the ground. Most likely in that order.</p><p>But that was the fucking thing now, wasn’t it? A fucking <em>act</em>, because he didn’t actually give a <em>fuck</em> about that now. He knew how it ended. He knew nothing he did made a fucking difference in the world; and the one thing he actually cared about?</p><p>Did he somehow kill her?</p><p>Kerry was talking, telling him about whatever the band was they were meeting, but he wasn’t listening. Giving enough of a verbal cue that he was present but wasn’t actually paying attention. Getting into Kerry’s car, the hard shove to his arm brought him out of his head.</p><p>“Still not fucking listening?”</p><p>“Honestly, Ker? I just…<em>don’t fucking care</em>. Let’s just get this over with.”</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Of course, I’d do it. It’s important to you.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Not as important as you are,” the reply comes easier than expected, and both of them look shocked at the words. Still navigating what they haven’t defined but are sticking together to see through. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Still doing it,” She shrugs, as she takes the pill out of her pocket, “Besides, I’m excited. Never did get to see Samurai play.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’ll make sure to put on a good show for you later tonight then,” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She pops the pill and swallows it down, and her hand gently caresses his cheek as she grins, “Holdin’ you to that, rockerboy.”</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>They pull up to the Red Dirt, and as Johnny steps out, he realizes he’s not looking at the place with 2020 eyes, but with 2077 memories. How excited he had been to play with them all again, how V was hiding her excitement for him but was happy she could help him do this. See this through.</p><p>The place wasn’t as run down as it was in the future – or would be, <em>fuck</em> his head was killing him – but it still held its charms.</p><p>Like being able to still smoke inside the joint, it was the little things.</p><p>Kerry has already disappeared inside the club, and Johnny followed. He shoved his hands in his jacket, looking for his cigarettes when his hands curled around two vastly different objects.</p><p>He had already walked into the club, sounds of an indie rock band jamming on stage filled the room.</p><p>Johnny took out both his hands from his pockets, hands in fists around the objects. When he opened his hands, he swallowed hard.</p><p>In his metal hand, was her bullet necklace. In his organic hand, was his dog tags he had given her. One thing should not have existed in 2020. The other was still supposed to be hidden in the Pistis Sofia.</p><p>
  <em>What the fuck?</em>
</p><p>“Johnny!” Kerry’s voice called out, and Johnny immediately shoved the objects back into the jacket pockets. Nodding upward in an act of disinterest; perhaps not so much an act when he needed to figure out just what the fuck was going on.</p><p>“This the band?” Johnny asked, joining Kerry, Nancy, and Denny at the standing table, “Where’s Henry?”</p><p>“Rehab, or in an alley somewhere,” Denny waved off, “The fuck you care?”</p><p>He raised an eyebrow, “Point taken.”</p><p>“Easy to find another bass player anyway,” Kerry pointed out, “they’re a dime a dozen.”</p><p>On stage, the band was gearing up for a song, “What is this, an audition?” Johnny questioned, “Can’t we just say no?”</p><p>Nancy shook her head, “Label wants to use us to elevate them.”</p><p>“I like them,” Kerry shrugged.</p><p>“Yeah, what, you fuck the singer or something?” It was hard to hold any damn interest in any of this, not when his mind was racing. Worrying. Wondering where it was that he fucked up so badly to be sent back in a time where everything he had become didn’t exist anymore. Every single thing he had learned, everything he had admitted, said, felt, all disappeared under his fingertips.</p><p>Johnny’s eyes weren’t on the stage, but on his hands, his metal thumb pressing hard into the center of his organic palm. A small spike of pain to focus on to keep himself alert.</p><p>Kerry snorted, “She’s not my type.”</p><p>That caused him to look up, with a raised eyebrow, “She?”</p><p>On the stage, the band began to play.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Didn’t expect that, V.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What, that I knew how to play?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Didn’t think there was a musical bone in your body. Besides mine of course.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Your dick is not a musical instrument,” She snorted with laughter. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>An easy grin played on his lips, and he could already feel her amusement before he spoke, “Don’t know, you sure played it like one last night.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Ugh, really?” She groaned, rolling her eyes dramatically, “Anyway,” she brought the conversation back, “You never asked. Or never poked in my memories further enough to find it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The two guitars rested next to each other on the couch, the digital one glitching in and out next to her real one. “Should start a band,” He grinned. “Could be nova.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And what would it be called? ‘Fucked-Up Merc and the Dead Rockerboy’?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Silver Stylings of Valiant V.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was another groan in protest, as she swatted her arm against his. He caught it and pulled her towards him, so that she sat between his legs with her back resting on his chest. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She pulled his arms to wrap around her, and she rested her hands on top. “Hmm, both too long. How about just Valiant?”</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>The band wasn’t anything close to the Samurai sound.</p><p>It wasn’t as loud and in-your-face as he normally would have liked, but there was something that was drawing him in.</p><p>From the corner of the club, their manager and what he assumed the other band’s manager were watching them. Specifically looking at <em>him</em>, knowing he had the final say.</p><p>If this had happened before, he would have said no in the first note. Samurai didn’t need a fucking opening band on their <em>reunion</em> tour. Folks would be paying to see <em>them</em>, not some band they didn’t fucking know.</p><p>But this was happening now. Where the music sounded familiar. Where something felt different.</p><p>Once the singer stepped onto the stage and started singing, it clicked instantly.</p><p>The lyrics were similar in words to how Johnny would write them. Tone was similar even if the music wasn’t. How the singer moved, her fingers dancing expertly over the guitar, in ways he had seen before. In ways he had played against and with before.</p><p>The voice he knew better than his own.</p><p>He didn’t realize he was staring at the band with his jaw open and aviators practically falling down the bridge of his nose. He didn’t realize the curious way that Kerry was staring at him, the way that Nancy raised her eyebrows at his reaction, the smirk on Denny’s face.</p><p>All he saw was who was on stage in front of him.</p><p>All he saw was V.</p><p>Once the song was over, the last guitar rift fading, he cleared his throat. Became overly aware of himself and his own reactions, became painfully aware of the hammering of his heart. He pressed his thumb so hard into his palm that he might have broken it.</p><p>The others cheered, while Johnny just stared at V.</p><p>V and her band walked off the stage and joined them in front of the table, the managers coming over. Kerry was the first to V’s side, grinning and chatting excitedly with her, as Nancy and Denny spoke praises to other members of the band.</p><p>Kerry brought V to the table, grinning, “Meet Renee Vallance, and her band Valiant. What do you think?”</p><p>Johnny cleared his throat, raw and dry, struggling to find the words. “Uh, yeah, it was…good.” His eyes darted from Kerry to V.</p><p>Their eyes met, and she was staring at him in ways she had done before. There was recognition there, or so he hoped, but he was too scared to poke at it. “Nice to meet you, Renee,” He said, offering out his hand for her to take.</p><p>This wasn’t how he would have normally acted back in 2020. He was keenly aware of that fact, but he quite honestly didn’t care.</p><p>“V,” She corrected, her hand fitting in with his so easily, “I prefer V.”</p><p>He offered a smirk, and she returned it in kind, their hands lingering a little longer than they should have. She pulled her hand back and Kerry made the effort of introducing the rest of her band, names he didn’t recognize.</p><p>The managers started to talk business about how the tour would work, that Valiant would open for them on every tour date. They’d do a few shows in Night City, playing different clubs. They’d then move on through Nevada, Arizona, before travelling north for shows in New York. Sprinkling in a few more dates,  then all eventually ending up in Night City.</p><p>But Johnny wasn’t paying attention. He had slid his glasses back up to cover his eyes, his hands shoved back into his pockets. His hand held tightly onto the objects in the pockets, and he just stared at V. Wanting to ask her a million questions that he knew he couldn’t ask in front of everyone else. Like how she got here, if she was truly who he wanted her to be, if she remembered everything.</p><p>That was the most important thing he needed answered; he wasn’t sure how he could function had she not actually remembered.</p><p>“Johnny?”</p><p>Nancy’s voice pulled him out, as he turned to look at her. “What. Wasn’t listening.”</p><p>“Of course,” Nancy rolled her eyes, “Are you down with them,” she broadly gestured to Valiant, “or are we telling the label to fuck off?”</p><p>“I’m down,” he said, much to the surprise of those around him.</p><p>But for him? Like he’d fucking let this opportunity just slip away.</p><p>In front of him, he saw V’s small smile.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Might be best if we never really played together, V.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Why’s that?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Could see myself getting distracted easily by you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Like you’re not already.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“See? Couldn’t do it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Never say never.”</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. ; steel-plated, silver-painted novelty guitar</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“Is that your decision?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What?” He sneers with sarcasm, “To go ‘back’, whatever the fuck that means? Sure, why the fuck not.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Johnny,” She cautions, holding onto his arm, “Wait—”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She feels something shift, knows Johnny feels it too, can tell by the shock on his face. Around them, everything goes back, as Alt’s voice declares “Consider it done.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s painful and she screams out as her hand starts to slide away from Johnny’s arm. The panic in her eyes matches the panic in his; he catches her hand with his metal one. “Johnny!” She screams through the pain, feeling the pull away from him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Renee!” He screams after her, and in a moment, it’s all gone.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Before she took the stage at the Red Dirt, she was panicking backstage.</p>
<p>Around her, the other band members of Valiant – and how ironic that name was to her – were nothing but an excited buzz. Mitchell, the other guitarist, wouldn’t shut up about how much he idolized Samurai, and <em>specifically </em>Kerry. Leah, the drummer, was more excited about getting to talk shop with Denny. James, the bassist, just wanted to get out there already.</p>
<p>All four of these people she instinctively knew well, but also had no idea who the <em>fuck</em> they were. As far as she ‘remembered’, the band had been together for five years before this chance was given to them.</p>
<p>Yet all she could think about backstage was if Johnny was even there, if it was <em>her</em> Johnny. The one that once told her that he felt Samurai never needed an opening band. Told her their 2020 reunion tour didn’t have one.</p>
<p>So why was that a thing now? Why was she even here?</p>
<p><em>If this is another sick fucking joke, I’ll be pissed</em>.</p>
<p>She had woken up scared in an apartment that wasn’t <em>hers</em> but also <em>was</em>, and the more her brain tried to unravel it, the worse it became. There had been the feeling of being empty, of missing something so important to her life, that it overwhelmed her thought process. Panic had completely overwritten everything, and it was all she had been functioning on until she realized the date.</p>
<p>When she looked herself in the mirror and looked the same, only…downgraded in tech. The only tech that remained were her optics, nothing else having been really developed to what she had before in 2077.</p>
<p>And the stupid tattoo he had gotten her while he was in control was still there, a stark reminder of everything that had changed. Yet, she had no fucking idea how to find him. How to get anywhere near him. If this was even <em>real</em>.</p>
<p>Somewhere, on the back of her mind, she assumed Alt was fucking with her. In fact, she was almost <em>certain</em> of it.</p>
<p>Ex-girlfriend of the rockerboy fucking with the current girlfriend’s head? Yeah, that completely tracked. <em>Fucking dammit.</em></p>
<p>She did her best to cover up who she had been, if that was the case. Using light makeup to cover up the tattoo on her arm, not wanting to take any chances. If he didn’t remember her, if he saw the tattoo, she didn’t want to know what he’d think.</p>
<p>There was no more time to adjust before she was being dragged out of her apartment kicking and screaming by a man named ‘Mitchell’, and getting a text message from someone unexpected.</p>
<p>
  <em>Kerry. </em>
</p>
<p>But not the Kerry she knew, the younger Kerry she had seen in Johnny’s memories. And this Kerry was apparently ‘close friends’ with her, after meeting at a club a few years back. Nothing as explosive as blowing up the crew van for Us Cracks, but there was a connection there.</p>
<p>He had wished her good luck, that he’d see her soon. That if the call was up to him, they’d be opening for Samurai on tour. But it wasn’t his call.</p>
<p>When Kerry said it was <em>Johnny’s</em> call, V felt her heart in her throat and the panic washed over her all over again.</p>
<p>Leading to where she had been, pacing backstage. Ignoring everything that the band – <em>her</em> band -- was saying and waiting for her cue to get on stage when it was time.</p>
<p>When she got on stage, she acted on pure instinct. Like this was what she had been doing for years. Like she wasn’t some out of time transplant that didn’t belong in whatever fucked up simulation was going on. She played the guitar, she sang with her eyes closed, she refused to look at those in the club she knew were looking at them.</p>
<p>Something in her said that was her best show yet. Little memories being planted in her that she wasn’t sure she understood.</p>
<p>But her eyes couldn’t be closed forever. She couldn’t ignore the pounding of her heart.</p>
<p>She was <em>terrified</em>.</p>
<p>“What do you think they’re going to say?” The drummer Leah whispered to her as they got off the stage and walked towards the bar.</p>
<p>“Kerry said he wanted us to play the tour,” She replied easily, “But it’s not up to him.”</p>
<p>“Oh fuck,” Leah muttered, “if you tell me that our career growth rests on <em>Johnny fucking Silverhand</em>, I’m going to shoot myself in the foot. Or faint. <em>Or both</em>.”</p>
<p>“Get your fucking gun then,” V replied back dryly, clearing her throat once Kerry came running up to them.</p>
<p>He was so full of life and vigor - he didn’t look that bad this young; and she wasn’t sure which version of him she preferred. But as he excitedly spoke about how well they played, that it was fucking <em>supernova</em>, she grinned. He was the same. Only looks were different here, and a serious lack of gold cyberware.</p>
<p>“Let me introduce you guys, come on,” Kerry was suddenly pulling on her arm, dragging her to the table.</p>
<p>She was doing her best to just ignore the eyes that were staring at her intensely over glasses. Knowing he was sizing her up, and she wondered if he remembered her. Remembered what they meant to each other. Remembered how he’d whisper that he loved her into her hair, how he’d mark every inch of her possessively telling her that she was <em>his</em> and no one else’s, how there wasn’t a point if he wasn’t by her side.</p>
<p>When Kerry did the introductions, using her full name, she found herself looking into the eyes of her not-so-dead rockerboy boyfriend telling him that she preferred the name ‘V’.</p>
<p>She cursed his shades, cursed that she couldn’t see if he recognized her, his expression almost unreadable as he shook her hand. Fingers lingering a little longer on her than they should have.</p>
<p>The rest of the meeting, it hadn’t mattered. She wasn’t listening, she hadn’t cared.</p>
<p>He was alive, and in front of her.</p>
<p>The rest of the world could burn for all she fucking cared.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“What are you writing?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Nothing, Johnny, fuck off!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Let me see.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I said—”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“—can just read your mind instead if you fuckin’ want.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fine,” V shoved the notebook in front of Johnny, knowing he couldn’t touch it. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Well fuck me you’re writing a song. Not half bad either,” He muttered, as suddenly his guitar materialized out of digital space and into his hands. He started to play what she had written down, nothing but a riff and some lyrics. “Think I’d change a few things though.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She had to blink for a few moments, the realization that he was playing a song she wrote hitting her. V’s features twisted for a moment as she thought, before grabbing her guitar and moved to sit next to him. “Like?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Few note progressions. Words are good, don’t need to change those.” He played his suggestion and looked to her for approval. “Gives a rougher sound, yeah?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She repeated it back on her own guitar, “You know, that could work.” Grinning towards him, “was also thinking about this…” as music filled the apartment.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It was torture, knowing what she knew from the ‘future’ and being here. She knew the timeline, of what happened in 2023. The tour was one of the last ones they did in 2020, before Kerry and Johnny went back to their solo careers, before meeting up for one last show in 2023. Before Arasaka and the tower, before Soulkiller and the Relic. Before he was killed. Before he was shoved in her head in 2077.</p>
<p>She desperately wanted to reach out to Johnny, somehow, but didn’t know how. It didn’t feel right contacting Kerry and asking for Johnny’s number. It didn’t feel right trying to find where he was staying, or what he was doing. All she had was the knowledge that they would be starting the tour in a few days.</p>
<p>And she’d see him then. Try to find a way to see if he was who she hoped. That was the most important thing she needed answered; she wasn’t sure how she could function had he not actually remembered.</p>
<p>Spending as much time as she could with Valiant, she tried to learn more about them. If they were real people, not something Alt just conjured out of digital space. They seemed real enough. Had their own problems, their own discoveries. Had their own gossip, and she actually <em>felt</em> like she was part of the band. That this was <em>her</em> group of misfits, setting out to change the world and leave everything ash in their wake.</p>
<p>She knew well enough to know that Night City ultimately would never change. She lived fifty years into the future, she knew the consequences of 2023.</p>
<p>But she went along with their excitement, their ways of pouring their heart and soul into the music and genuinely believing every single word she sang and note they played.</p>
<p>The days leading up to the tour was spent with them, practicing, working on their set list, finalizing everything they needed to. V reminding Mitchell not to get too heart-eyed around Kerry, and Mitchell not understanding why V would even say that. “I know a thing or two about rockerboys,” she had said without thinking about it, but changed the topic quickly after.</p>
<p>The nights leading up to the tour were her revisiting memories both good and bad, her heart jumping out of her chest as she tried to hope that what she wanted was true.</p>
<p>She’d find out soon enough.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“You know what I fucking hate about you?” He materializes in front of her as she’s angerly walking away from the Tiger Claws boss’ penthouse.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t give a fuck, but I know you’re going to tell me anyway,” she spits back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s your fuckin’ optimism, that you think you can fuckin’ run around and change things. Like everything you do, and touch can turn to fuckin’ gold if you just close your eyes and wish hard enough. And the worst part is that people fuckin’ believe you can do it! And they trust the fuck out of you, and you just keep throwin’ yourself at every one of their fuckin’ problems because you give more of a shit about them than you do about yourself.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She stops in her tracks and raises an eyebrow, “You hate that people like me?” </em>
</p>
<p><em>“No, what I fuckin’ hate is that </em>you<em> don’t like you. And you are giving away every fuckin’ part of you until there’s nothing left. </em>That<em> is what I fuckin’ hate about you.” </em></p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s like looking in a mirror.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What fuckin’ is?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Because that’s what I fucking hate about you too, Johnny. You hate yourself as much as I hate myself. And what a fucked-up pair we make.”</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>First night of the tour, and the energy is something she had never experienced before. She’s not a fool, she knows every fucking person out there isn’t there for Valiant, but it doesn’t stop her from wanting to put on the best show of her life.</p>
<p>The feeling is almost exactly how Johnny had once described it to her. <em>“You get on that stage, nothing else fuckin’ matters after that. Just the music, the atmosphere, not giving a fuck about anything other than that.” </em>She feels that, deep within her, and she wonders if part of him is still in her somewhere.</p>
<p>Of course, if he <em>was</em>, that would have been the opportune time for him to make a dick joke, and she found herself actually disappointed when it didn’t happen.</p>
<p>Around her, the rest of her band was hyping themselves up. She knows from memories that the tradition is to do a shot of tequila before getting on stage to calm the nerves. She knows this, but doesn’t know <em>how</em> she knows it, only that she does. The shots are downed, they cheer each other on.</p>
<p>The three of them move ahead of her to get onto the stage, and before she goes up, Kerry stops her. “Good luck, you’re going to fucking kill it,” he grins from ear to ear. “After the show, we’re partying.”</p>
<p>“Don’t you do that after every show?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, so? Ain’t gonna change a good tradition,” He laughs, and she’s relieved he doesn’t ask her why she knew that. Maybe assumed it was common knowledge along with the fact that sex and drugs mixed well with rock and roll.</p>
<p>Behind Kerry, Johnny comes into view. He leans against the brick wall, his arms crossed, looking at both of them. Looking at <em>her</em>.</p>
<p>Kerry slaps her shoulder before he disappears down the hallway, and it leaves V staring down Johnny from a distance.</p>
<p>She can’t see if there is recognition in him from here, but she doesn’t have the time to focus on it. The music has started, and it’s her cue.</p>
<p>V heads up the stairs and looks behind her towards where Johnny had been, but he’s already gone.</p>
<p>Her fingers grip the neck of her guitar a little tighter as she takes a deep breath, and steps on stage.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>a side note that most chapters will have flashbacks, but they won't be necessarily in order of when they happened. just little snippets into their relationship before this story :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. ; fame is the bait (and the switch is the look in your eye)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“You’re going to fucking forget about me one day,” She says. Her voice is broken, her body is trying to recover after a bad malfunction that almost flatlines her for good. “You’ll be back to your life, and poof, no more Renee.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She doesn’t use her full name around him often, only in times of regret and bitterness. He’s caught on. “Not gonna fuckin’ forget you, babe,” he says, sitting next to her on the floor against the wall. “Not sure I could.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t lie to me,” she says softly, “Not about that.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m not. Why, want me to lie to you about somethin’ else?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes,” she says, “Anything.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fine. I really hate your tits.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And she laughs, leaning into him as he wraps an arm around her shoulder.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>If there was one thing that he was right about, it was that he should never play with her. Because, <em>yes</em>, she distracted the fuck out of him.</p>
<p>Kerry had been worried that the crowd wouldn’t like Valiant. Said “Renee and them worked too fucking hard to be laughed off stage.”</p>
<p>“Don’t fuckin’ call her that,” Johnny had snapped back quickly, “Said she preferred ‘V’.” He ignores the raised eyebrow that Kerry gives him, “Besides. You hear that cheering? Think they’re doin’ fine.”</p>
<p>He wants to watch them. Wants to see her on stage, making it her own.</p>
<p>But there is still no indication that she’s not who he wants her to be. There’s still no indication that she’s <em>his</em> V, his <em>Renee</em> that he remembers.</p>
<p>Her necklace is hidden under his shirt, and he feels the wires marking his skin when he moves.</p>
<p>“Let’s see it for ourselves then,” Kerry shrugs, and starts off towards the side of the stage.</p>
<p>“Wait—” Johnny starts, in a manner that is very much <em>not</em> 2020 him, and the person that the older version of Kerry might know. When <em>this</em> Kerry shoots Johnny a confused look, Johnny rolls his eyes. “Don’t fuck up their set,” he drones, tone with annoyance, as he still follows along.</p>
<p>The music is pounding louder as they get closer, and they find a good part of the side of the stage. Across the way, he can see Nancy and Denny already watching in the wings. They’re whispering to each other about something, but they seem pleased.</p>
<p>Beyond the stage, the crowd is digging the sound that Valiant is putting down. On the stage, every member of that damn band is <em>in it</em>, the music is just taking them along for the ride of their lives and they’re happy to enjoy every part of it.</p>
<p>And front and center is V, rocking out on her guitar, screaming into the microphone as if she was <em>born</em> to be a rockergirl. Like <em>this</em> was the life she was born for, not the merc life she had in ’77. He had always wondered if she was somehow born in the wrong time before, but this? It all but <em>confirmed </em>it.</p>
<p>He was in awe, watching with wide blown out eyes and the desire to storm the stage and just kiss her hard on the mouth. If this <em>wasn’t </em>his girl, then this was the cruelest joke to have ever been played on him.</p>
<p>V easily transitions into a guitar solo, and the crowd eats it the fuck up. He had wondered if she would play like he did on stage, but she didn’t. She was her own beast, her own master of the art. If it had been possible for anyone to upstage him, she would be the one to do it.</p>
<p>There’s a swell of pride that comes up in his chest that he promptly shoves back down.</p>
<p>The song ends, and the crowd screams for another, for one more song.</p>
<p>She’s back on the mic, and she laughs breathlessly into it. He has to swallow hard, forcing himself to calm down his reaction to her.</p>
<p>Kerry is looking at him with a shit-eating smirk on his face, and Johnny <em>hates </em>it.</p>
<p>“We’re Valiant, and we hope you liked us as much as we fucking liked you,” She says into the mic, “One more song, because we all know who you fucking came here for!”</p>
<p>The crowd roars in excitement, and V steps back from the mic.</p>
<p>She turns around to look at her drummer, gestures for her to start.</p>
<p>And it takes Johnny a moment to recognize the tune, but when he does, it feels like a heart attack. Every single fucking part of him is jumping out of his skin, and it takes severe willpower for him to keep his feet planted where he is. To keep himself looking like he’s not impressed, like he’s <em>not </em>interested.</p>
<p>Like he doesn’t recognize that V’s band is playing the song <em>they wrote together</em>.</p>
<p>There are different tones to it, there’s more synth to it than they had written it. It’s more upbeat, but the underlining notes are there. The sarcasm in the lyrics and the music is still there.</p>
<p>He doesn’t realize that he’s grooving to the song and singing the words under his breath until he feels Kerry’s punch into his arm.</p>
<p>“You know this song?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he replies, annoyed at just how rough his voice sounds, “You don’t?”</p>
<p>“Uh, <em>no</em>.”</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>. Johnny clears his throat and raises an eyebrow towards Kerry.  He feigns disinterest and makes a show of rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>He has to get away from the stage before he gives himself away. Behind him, the song ends and the crowd roars.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Worst thing about being a musician?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No sleep.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fuck off, that’s all you can think of?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“That and when you wake up 50 years later you find fans that never fuckin’ understood the message you were tryin’ to say.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Still bitter about that vendor, huh?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Not gonna ask me the best part of being a musician?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You’re going to say the puss—”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“--The pussy.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fuck you, Johnny.”</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>He had forgotten just how fucking good it felt to be in front of a crowd like that. Screaming back every single word back at him, though now he wasn’t dumb enough to think that everyone understood it.</p>
<p>Wasn’t the revolution he always wanted to create but fuck if he didn’t enjoy it.</p>
<p>And it was different than before. When he’d get on the stage, screaming into the microphone, full of hatred and not feeling any better after the show. The desire to destroy was still there, and his ways of coping with them had evolved.</p>
<p>Now?</p>
<p>It was a new, <em>freeing</em> feeling he hadn’t expected. Almost transcendent.</p>
<p>Was this what it was <em>supposed</em> to feel like? Fuck, he’d missed out.</p>
<p>They had played with new energy that he hadn’t remembered they had when they <em>really</em> had played the tour before. There had been something off back then. He had been distracted in his plans to attack Arasaka and get Alt back. Kerry had been distracted from what Johnny knew now was the struggle of thinking he lived in Johnny’s shadow.</p>
<p>Kerry’s struggle was still there, Johnny could see it in how he played on stage, and how he kept looking at Johnny. But Johnny’s struggle wasn’t the same. Did he still want to go after Arasaka now, knowing where it led? Knowing that he didn’t actually do shit? That it had been for the wrong reasons?</p>
<p>Wasn’t looking forward to dying again. Not if he could help it.</p>
<p>But <em>fuck</em> if that wasn’t one of the best shows they had played, and it was only night one of the tour. Many sold out nights to go, but he wasn’t the only one on the adrenaline rush.</p>
<p>Denny was screaming on the top of her lungs about how fucking preem it was, passing around the ceremonial first bottle (of many) of the night. Kerry already had his arm around some guy Johnny didn’t recognize. Nancy organizing the first bar stop of the night, as she always did.</p>
<p>If tonight was any indication on how the rest of the tour was going to go, Johnny was over the fucking <em>moon</em>.</p>
<p>The bottle was tossed to him and he caught it with one hand, taking a long swig of it before smashing it into the ground, the rest of them cheering out loudly.</p>
<p>“And there they are!” Kerry yelled over the music, gesturing behind Johnny, to see Valiant at the door. V’s band members filtered in, with various bottles in their hands. V trailed in behind them, a cigarette between her lips. She leaned against the door frame, and her eyes zeroed in on Johnny.</p>
<p>Around him, everyone was telling each other how fucking awesome they were, an endless circle jerk of musicians getting off on the adrenaline rush of ego boosts and loud music.</p>
<p>In front of him, V was just taking a drag from her cigarette and slowly blowing smoke into the room before she pushed off the door frame. She walked further in, stopping in front of him and held out her cigarette for him to take.</p>
<p>He kept his eyes on her as he took it from between her fingers and put it to his lips. Tasting of the nicotine and the sweetness of her mouth, the sensation almost knocking him over. From the corner of his eye, Kerry came over and put his arm around V’s shoulders.</p>
<p>“Heading out now, you’re still coming right?” He asked her but stared at Johnny as he asked it.</p>
<p>“Fuck yeah,” V replies with a laugh, “Gotta keep riding this feeling.”</p>
<p>Johnny takes another drag and passes the cigarette back to her, letting the smoke out slowly.</p>
<p>“Good set you did,” He tells her, forgetting Kerry was hanging on her. Raising an eyebrow over his aviators, “Especially liked the last song.”</p>
<p>Her eyes dart away for a moment, before returning to look at him. She takes the final drag of the cigarette and drops it on the dirty concrete floor of the room, putting it out with her boot. “Yeah? Good set you guys did too. Only second time seeing you guys live.”</p>
<p>“Seriously?” Kerry asks, “Bullshit. When was the first time?”</p>
<p>Her attention goes to Kerry, “Here, actually. A long time ago.”</p>
<p>“First gig,” Johnny answers the question he knows Kerry is going to ask. It’s not quite a lie; it had only just been the first gig in <em>2077</em>. Minor details.</p>
<p>“Could say that, I guess,” she replies with a smirk. But she can’t say more as everyone else descends on them, pushing them all out the door. Nancy is yelling about the bar, and V jogs up ahead with her, as they both start singing a song loudly that Johnny is too dazed out to hear the words to correctly.</p>
<p>It actually takes Kerry to push him forward to get him to move. “The fuck is up with you?”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” he replies, digging out another cigarette, anything to do something with his hands. To fight off the annoying lunging his heart was doing, to ignore the desire he knows is building way too quickly.</p>
<p>“Fucking bullshit,” Kerry bitches back.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Seems like you had a good time,” She grins at him as he materializes behind the bar. It takes her a little bit to regain control of herself, he’s noticed it takes longer and longer each time they do the switch. “Somehow I managed to catch a bit of it.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yeah? What’d ya think?” He puts his hands on the bar, his fingers tapping against it, energy in him that needs to get out. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Not bad for my first Samurai show, would have loved to see you guys in your prime,” She smirks, as she pushes up off the stool. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Not a real show until the after-show tradition,” He replies. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Getting absolutely trashed and wrecking a hotel room?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yep.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“And the groupies?” She’s walking out of the bar, and to his – their – car. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He materializes in the passenger seat as she gets in, “You’re my one true groupie now, V.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She roars with laughter, and he grins like a fucking idiot.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>so just an update on where my head is at with this story...i'm starting to write chapter 14 and the story isn't close to half way done. so, ya know, get comfy, this is gonna be a long one folks :) </p>
<p>also all your love and comments and kudos have been wonderful and i thank you all SO much for reading! check out my <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114709">series collection</a> for more of this lovely pair ;)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. ; if we're still alive, my regrets are few</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i wanted to hold off on updating again so soon, but <i>whoops</i>!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>She finishes playing the newest version of the song, and when she was done, she expects him to say something. At this point of the night, usually he’d tell her it was a good direction. Or that it was fucking awful, and they’d bicker on it before getting down to business again. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>This time, he’s silent. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>When she sets her guitar down to look at him, his aviators are gone. He’s staring at her with his eyes dark and blown wide. There’s something that builds up – has been building -- in her, catching in her throat. “Johnny?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then he’s on her, hand snaking around her waist, pulling her into him as his lips capture hers. She melts against the kiss, returning it as she feels the desire building in them. Crashing into them like waves. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She roughly breaks the kiss by pushing her hands against his chest. Shoving his back into the couch, as she moves to straddle him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>There is a moment, where both of their thoughts are clear. Both of their thoughts are the exact same thing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The hesitation is gone, and it’s the beginning of something new.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>She doesn’t know how exactly they got back to the hotel.</p><p>The first club was 4 (or 5?) drinks ago, and they moved from club, to bar, and now to the hotel. Transport between the two were foggy. Little memories of drunkenly wandering down the street with one arm around Kerry’s shoulder, the other arm around Leah, her drummer, screaming out lyrics to old songs that V only knew because of Johnny.</p><p>And she was always aware of just where Johnny was in relation to her, the only sobering thing she could focus on.</p><p>How through the night, they had started at drinking from opposite sides of the room, but as the night went on and the locations changed, they were migrating towards each other.</p><p>By the time they all got to the hotel and piled into one of larger hotel rooms (clearly not any of Valiant’s, she notes, since they were all sharing rooms), all hell had broken loose in a drunken mess.</p><p>Gone were all the people they gathered along the way, and as it creeped into the early hours of the morning. Mitchell, Valiant’s second guitarist, had his tongue halfway down Kerry’s throat. Denny was giving some drunken lecture to James the bassist about the finer arts of music, and he looked <em>terrified</em>. Nancy had disappeared at some point in the night, but no one seemed to question it.</p><p>In the corner of the lavish hotel room, at the table, V sat across from Johnny with Leah sitting to their sides. In front of V, shots were lined up. Across from her, Johnny finished pouring his own row of five shots.</p><p>The music is blasting, noise complaints be dammed if anyone dared try to stop this party.  </p><p>The drummer is screaming next to V on the top of her lungs about how amazing the night is, and V is also <em>way </em>too drunk to tell her to shut the fuck up. Instead, she just shoves her off the chair; Leah falls on her ass with a laugh.</p><p>She sees Johnny grin at the action, and she feels her cheeks heat up.</p><p>“Ready?” He shouts over the music at her, and she grins.</p><p>“Fuck yeah!”</p><p>There’s no way that she knows if this is her Johnny, but right now she doesn’t care. She pretends that the way he’s looking at her before they do the shots is something else entirely. She pretends that it’s just them, and she pretends that he’s <em>hers.</em></p><p>The look he gives her before they start causes her to swallow air roughly, clearing her throat before beginning.</p><p>Johnny and V lift the first shot glasses in the air and clink them. Then, it’s off to the races.</p><p>They got shot for shot, as out of the corner of her eye she sees Leah get up from the floor. She wanders drunkenly over to Johnny’s side, where she stands next to him. Her hand on his shoulder.</p><p>V feels jealousy and anger bubbling inside, her eyes darting to Leah’s hand.</p><p>Leah yells loudly that she’s going to help V win, and when both V and Johnny are about to do the last shot, Leah knocks it out of his hand.</p><p>Then she gets in his lap and kisses him.</p><p>V squeezes the last shot glass so tightly that it shatters in her hand, the glass cutting into her skin and tequila spilling everywhere. She doesn’t see that Johnny is trying to push Leah away, and she doesn’t hear him bitching at her to get off him. All V sees is a blur, stumbling to get up and out of the room, blood dripping out of her palm.</p><p>She makes some dumb excuse that no one hears so she can get out and back to her own room. If she could remember the floor.</p><p>But the sudden rush of the head of her hand being cut, and the shots hitting her at once, everything is a little <em>too </em>wobbly.</p><p>The last thing she hears is Johnny’s voice, saying her <em>full </em>name, before she passes out.</p><p>When she wakes up hours later, it’s to a killer hangover and a throbbing hand. “Girl, you okay?”</p><p>It’s Leah’s voice, and V groans. She secretly hopes that this band of hers is just part of a digital hellscape, because what she wouldn’t give to murder the other woman right now. “Fuck <em>off</em>, Leah.”</p><p>“Oh, thank god, you’re alive, I was seriously worried!” The bed shifts next to her, and V groans at the motion. She slowly opens her eyes to focus on the hotel room. Even slower she pushes herself to sit up.</p><p>It’s not as bad as a relic malfunction, but at least with those, she had someone somehow <em>less annoying</em> than Leah to help her through it. How someone managed to be more insufferable than Johnny at his worst said something. “I said fuck off,” V repeats, as she looks at her cut hand.</p><p>It’s bandaged.</p><p>“Not gonna happen. Glad you’re okay though. You won’t need stitches, thankfully, so you’ll be fine to play tonight.”</p><p>“The fuck happened?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” and V can hear the lie in Leah’s voice, “we were all drinking and then you broke a glass and stormed out. Johnny ran after you, ended up helping to bring you back here.”</p><p>That caused her to raise an eyebrow and looked at Leah. “Did he. Weird.” She tries to keep her voice even, because she doesn’t fully remember last night; she remembers the flashes.</p><p>But the mention of Johnny has brought a blush to Leah’s cheeks, and V suddenly remembers why she had been so damn annoyed.</p><p>Fucking <em>stupid</em> cyberspace prank. This was <em>hell</em>. She would have preferred she died rather than be stuck in this bullshit. <em>Fuck you, Alt.</em></p><p>Leah is bubby and bursting with a grin, and V is <em>praying</em> Leah isn’t a real person because the desire to throttle her is just growing larger. “He carried you back to the room, I followed to make sure he wouldn’t drop you.” She says with such wanderlust that V is surprised she doesn’t vomit all over the floor. But then Leah’s words <em>hit</em> V, and she’s confused. He carried her to the room? “Perfect gentleman, actually. Bandaged you up, made sure you were settled on the bed, and left.”</p><p>V snorts, “<em>Gentleman? </em>Leah, are you fucking <em>sure</em> you know who you’re talking about?”</p><p>But something settles in her, and it feels annoyingly like <em>hope</em>. She wants to vomit. She just might. Preferably all over Leah’s nice boots.</p><p>“Unfortunately, yes,” She groans, as she gets up off the bed, “I made a dumb mistake last night, hopefully no one thinks lesser of me for it. <em>Ugh. </em>I don’t want it to ruin any chances I could have.” As Leah stands, the momentum from the mattress fucks with V’s body, and she groans again in the movement.</p><p><em>Chances she might have?</em> Rage, just pure rage boiled under V’s skin.</p><p>“Doubt anyone remembers last night, Leah,” V says, her hands covering over her eyes to block out the light, to block the murderous look she’s sure she has. “Fuck, it’s too bright in here.”</p><p>“Oh, that reminds me – he told me to give you these,” Leah said, and tapped V’s shoulder. “Said you might need to borrow them this morning.”</p><p>Opening her eyes, she saw what was in Leah’s hand.  Johnny’s aviators.</p><p>V hated how her hand shook as she took them from Leah and put them on. Her eyes adjusted to the familiar darkness behind the shades, as she finally stood to get up. “Uh, thanks.”</p><p>“Whatever. Don’t thank me. I still gotta pull Mitchell out of Kerry’s room, I can’t find James, and we got a show in five hours.” She waves V off, and leaves.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>She arches up from the bed, as his grip on her hips tightens. The pain mixes with the pleasure so deliciously that she thinks she might just up and fucking die right there. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>But he’s slamming into her so hard it makes her scream. When she digs her nails into his ass, it only makes him drive into her harder. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The pleasure is overwhelming both of their senses, and when the climax happens, it happens for both at the same time. It takes a little for them to both come down from the high, takes longer for words to form properly. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I think you just fucked me stupid,” She says with a straight face at first, but bursts into laughter, “In more ways than one.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He makes a sound in agreement, and there is a pause between them before he grins, "Wanna go again?"</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Hours leading up to the show is chaotic, but V finds that her band actually made it after all. They’re all still a little hungover but they’re in one piece.</p><p><em>Mostly.</em> V feels like her heart keeps getting torn out and stomped on by an asshole in brown leather pants.</p><p>They run through their set one more time, and settle in backstage as the crowd starts to file in. One more show in Night City before they’re packing up and heading to Las Vegas for the week.</p><p>She’s a bundle of nervous energy again, but this time for a different reason. She’s not worried about the band or the show they’ll put on. That, she assumes, will be fine. She knows from memory they’ve played in worse conditions. She also knows that she’s still confused as to how that’s something she <em>knows.</em></p><p>Eventually, the show starts. The band goes on up ahead, and as V walks to follow them, she spots Johnny leaning against the wall with a cigarette.</p><p>It’s only when she sees his eyes, and not a pair of aviators that she realizes she’s still wearing them. “Oh,” She clears her throat, taking them off and handing them back over. “Thanks. Wanted to return these to you earlier but I couldn’t find you.”</p><p>He keeps the cigarette between his lips as he reaches out with his organic hand and takes the glasses from her. In a very brief moment, their fingers brush against each other. There is a reaction behind his eyes, his expression softens – but he catches himself, and puts the glasses back on. “Don’t worry about it. See you after the show,” he says, pushing off the wall and walking down the hall.</p><p>She doesn’t have the time to evaluate what the hell that just was, before she’s running on the stage.</p><p>The set goes swimmingly, and somehow <em>better</em> than the night before. They end on the same song as they did before, and it’s while she’s running around the stage and screaming into the microphone that she sees Johnny.</p><p>He’s in the wings, his arms crossed over his chest, but he’s singing along as if he knows every single word.</p><p>Which, he would. Since he helped her write them. <em>If</em>, he was <em>her </em>Johnny.</p><p>Caught up in the moment of the music and the song, she winks at him and brings her full attention back to the band as they finish out the song.</p><p>Later, when it’s her turn to be in the wings, she’s joined by her band as they watch Samurai play. V is singing to every word, and for the briefest of moments when she closes her eyes and moves to the music it feels like she’s back in 2077.</p><p>She’s in the passenger seat of her body as Johnny plays, going into a guitar solo – she can feel just how ecstatic he is, how passionate about the music he is. She feels every piece of adrenaline that he has shooting through him, a natural contact high.</p><p>But something this time is different; she feels something else. Longing, unfiltered and unedited. And it’s not her emotion, though it plays against hers like a melody.</p><p>She <em>hears</em> him in her head, his voice rough and so close: <em>Fuck, I wish she was real.</em></p><p>At that she opens her eyes and stares to the stage, her eyes watching Johnny as he moves around on the stage, jamming next to Kerry.</p><p>Without thinking better of it, she replies in her head, <em>I wish you were fucking real too. </em>Overwhelmed with the want, the need for him to be who she needs him to be. She needs him to be hers so badly, it makes her want to cry.</p><p>She doesn’t think he heard it. She figures he didn’t.</p><p>But when he whips his head around to look at her in the wings, a look of shock on his face, she inhales sharply.</p><p>
  <em>He heard her. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. ; nothing i've ever done right happened on the safe side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>kind of a talk-y chapter, but hope you still enjoy it :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had caught her singing and dancing to their songs, closing her eyes as she moved to the music. He couldn’t allow himself to watch her for long, because he’d be fucking dammed if he fucked the song up but allowed himself one thought. One smallest part of him that was still holding on that he wasn’t just being completely fucked with.</p>
<p>That this wasn’t just one fucked-up Mikoshi nightmare loop he would never get out of. Everything to this point had confused the fuck out of him. There were moments where he thought she was <em>his</em> and then other moments that were so strange that it felt like someone was pulling his strings.</p>
<p><em>Fuck, I wish she was real</em>.</p>
<p>A small thought. He’d drink it away later on the way to Las Vegas, and then drink to pass out at the hotel.</p>
<p>But then it came. A wave of longing that wasn’t his but bled in so perfectly with his own.</p>
<p>
  <em>I wish you were fucking real too.</em>
</p>
<p>Fuck, he almost had a heart attack on the stage, and when he caught her looking at him with the same level of shock, that was it.</p>
<p>This wasn’t a game anymore. He needed answers. <em>Now.</em></p>
<p>He had stormed off the stage once the show was over, ignoring Kerry calling after him, and headed straight for the Valiant dressing room – only to find the band wasn’t there. Shit all packed up and moved.</p>
<p>He’s not listening to Kerry, not really. He’s going on about what a fucking preem show it was, that they’re gonna party fucking <em>hard</em> on the bus. Johnny thinks he says something non-committal about it, but he’s not really paying attention.</p>
<p>There is a small reminder he has to give himself that it makes sense that V isn’t here, that she’s already on the bus. They have to head out immediately after the show, Valiant just got a few steps ahead.</p>
<p>That there is no truth to the panic that had shot through him when he couldn’t find her backstage.</p>
<p>He gathers his bag and guitar and makes his way for the parking lot.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“I’m not looking forward to it,” She shifts in his arms, her back to his chest. Her voice is wrecked, and he can feel the threatening sob she’s swallowing down. The pressure on her heart. The same pressure on his. She leans her head back to rest on his shoulder, “the day I wake up and you’re…gone.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He doesn’t say anything, he only decides to wrap his arm around her a little tighter as he takes a drag from his cigarette. She already knows how he feels about it. Terrified.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But tomorrow, they have to face the music.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Normally, he couldn’t be paid enough to be on the fucking bus with everyone else. After a show, when they moved to a new city, he’d prefer to follow in his Porsche. Taking the time to think, smoke, be by himself. Truthfully, that’s what he wanted now in a way. Only, he was wondering if it was possible to catch V before she got into the bus.</p>
<p>Out into the parking lot, crew members were packing equipment into the bus, and members of both bands were loitering around before getting on.</p>
<p>V was off away from everyone else. She wore a black and silver bomber jacket, and he could see the smoke from her lips, caught under the lot’s streetlight. To her left was her bag, and her guitar case.</p>
<p>And he realized that she was pacing in front of his car.</p>
<p>He smirked, walking over to her but past her to put his things in the backseat of the Porsche. Without asking her, he grabbed her things and put them in the car before looking at her.</p>
<p>“You’re riding with me,” He said plainly, raising an eyebrow towards her.</p>
<p>“Do you think that’s a good—”</p>
<p>Leah’s voice yelled out, interrupting with, “Renee!”</p>
<p>The annoyance on V’s face was visible, and Johnny’s eyebrow raised, “They’re still callin’ you that?”</p>
<p>She shot him a look, “Just…give me a second, alright?”</p>
<p>He shrugged his shoulder, watching her walk off towards the bus. It still floored him just how <em>comfortable </em>in this life she seemed to be; like she was born in this time. Like she was supposed to be here and now, like she was supposed to be put in his damn path.</p>
<p>If he had known now, what he knew then, what he learned from her, things might have gone very differently.</p>
<p>Hell, things might go very differently <em>now</em>.</p>
<p>But he was growing impatient, V was taking too long. <em>Hurry the fuck up, V.</em></p>
<p>In the distance, he watched her raise her hand and flip him off, a sign she heard him. And then she lowered her hand and rubbed the back on her neck, seemingly trying to explain why she might have thrown her hand up in a one-finger salute to <em>him</em> while she was talking to Leah.</p>
<p>
  <em>Interesting. </em>
</p>
<p>Finally, she was heading back towards him. Behind her, the bus was pulling out of the parking lot and down the street.</p>
<p>“Think we need to—”</p>
<p>There were things he wanted to say, things he wanted to figure out, but she had a much <em>better</em> idea.</p>
<p>Her hands were solid on his chest as she pushed him against his car, a split second of them looking at each other with wide eyes before their mouths crashed together. He wrapped his arm tight around her waist, a hand in her hair, her arms around his neck. Kissing him like she had never kissed him before. He kissed her like he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to again, that this was a fever dream that he so fucking desperately wanted to be real.</p>
<p>She shifted her body against his, pulling sinful sounds out of him he had been quite certain only she had ever been capable of. Her fingers twisted in his hair and pulled, the slight pain from it only causing him to do the same to her, the kiss turning rough.</p>
<p>He could feel her grinning against his lips, and when the kiss roughly broke, she rested her forehead against his, “God, it <em>is</em> you.”</p>
<p>Johnny leaned back to look at her better, his arm still around her waist, his hand moving to caress her cheek with his metal hand. There was a stupid grin on his face, he could feel it, but in the dark of the night, she was the only one who could see it.  “Fuck, how is this possible?” He asked, “Thought this was a sick fuckin’ joke being played on me.”</p>
<p>She leaned her cheek into his hand, eyes looking up at him. The way she would in the mornings when they woke up. “I have no idea; I woke up and you were gone and…I fucking thought this was a joke too. I mean, shit, I woke up in a year I wasn’t even <em>born</em>. And in a band? And…I just <em>happened </em>to be auditioning to be on <em>your tour</em>? It seemed made up.”</p>
<p>“Like it was too good to be true.”</p>
<p>“Yep,” She sighed, “As much as I want to just stand here and talk…”</p>
<p>“Should get on the road. And out of the view of cameras,” He noted.</p>
<p>“Wait, you’re not looking for sex? Are you sure you’re you?”</p>
<p>His response was narrow his eyes and pinch her arm, causing her to yelp in reply. She moved, relaxing against him, “How long to Vegas?”</p>
<p>“About 5 hours.”</p>
<p>She smirked, leaning in to kiss him again, this time softer. “I promise I won’t distract you much then.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” he scoffed out a laugh, “already failed at <em>that</em>.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Really, Johnny? I can really do without your fucking bullshit tonight.” She’s pacing around her apartment, pent up and frustrated. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>To be fair, he is too. It bleeds between them, layers and layers of things they refuse to talk about. “What, still pissed off at me?” </em>
</p>
<p><em>“Of course, I fucking am! You’re infuriating! You pop in whenever the fuck you feel like it, you intentionally get under my skin, you do absolutely anything you can to set me off, and then it’s everything that you’re </em>not<em> saying that makes it worse.” She laughs bitterly, she glares at him, her arms crossed under her breasts.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>“The fuck you mean by that?” </em>
</p>
<p><em> “I know you were fucking </em>jealous<em> of River. Hated how he looked at me. Hated how he tried to woo me over to him. Hated how he wanted me like there was no one else in the damn city but me.” She steps forward closer to him, narrowing her eyes, as she pokes at his chest with two fingers. “Jealousy isn’t a good look on you, J.” </em></p>
<p>
  <em>“Why do you care if I fuckin’ hated it? I wasn’t the one who called the damn thing off with ‘im. You’re an independent woman, do what the fuck you want.” </em>
</p>
<p><em>“What I fucking want is </em>you,<em> you fucking asshole!” </em></p>
<p>
  <em>“I want that too, so fuckin’ do somethin’ about it!” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The force in which she crashes into him knocks them both clear to the floor, her lips hot on his. </em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The radio was turned down low as they drove, not his typical after concert bliss he was used to, but this was a much different vibe.</p>
<p>Her hand had moved over to his, her fingers entwined with his as he drove them down the long stretch of highway.</p>
<p>“Shoulda taken the bus,” he says, “Much better things to do with you than sit and drive.” He quirks an eyebrow up and hears her laugh next to him.</p>
<p>“Mmhm, and just how would we explain that to everyone else? It’s 2020, aren’t you technically still supposed to be on a crusade to get Alt back?” Her thumb ran over his hand, “Besides, you and I…have apparently only just met.”</p>
<p>“<em>Technically</em>, plan hasn’t been fully formed yet. I used the tour as a means to gather resources and information for Blackhand and I last time,” He looked over to V for a moment, “Can easily say shit changed.”</p>
<p>“Really,” She laughs, “The man who wrote <em>Never Fade Away</em> for Alt, who wants to bomb Arasaka out of existence thinks he can just say <em>things changed</em>?” There’s sarcasm dripping in her voice.</p>
<p>“<em>Yep. </em>Was more of Blackhand’s gig anyway, I just found a way to make it about me. Easy to do that.” Next to him, V snorted out a small laugh, and he shrugged, “Wouldn’t be the first time I changed my mind at the drop of a hat. ‘specially now. Not sure if you knew this, was kinda reckless at this time.”</p>
<p>“Oh my god, <em>really</em>? I had no idea!”</p>
<p>He squeezes her hand tight for a moment before he takes his away. He shifts to using that hand on the wheel and rests his other elbow out the window. “Just sayin’ it’s not as difficult to navigate the changes, most difficult thing I have to keep rememberin’ is what a shit I was.”</p>
<p>“What a shit you <em>are</em>, Johnny,” She shifts in the passenger seat, digging into her coat pocket. From the corner of his eye, he sees her putting two cigarettes to her lips, and lights them both. Then, she brings one over to him, filter placed between his lips. He gives an approving sound as a thanks. “I don’t think you being a shit will change.”</p>
<p>He took a drag from the cigarette, the smoke filling his lungs before he let it out through the open window, “What I’m still wonderin’ is how<em> you</em> fit into 2020. Gotta say, from all the weird shit that’s happened, I didn’t expect this.”</p>
<p>V sighs, shifting again next to him. She turned her body slightly, moving her free hand to rest under his hair at his neck. Her fingers gently draw circles against his skin, “Yeah, I know. I didn’t expect this either. You wanna know the fucked-up part? I have a whole <em>backstory</em>, I have these memories of ‘Renee’ of 2020, who never <em>fucking existed</em>. All these real friendships and relationships, and things I’ve done, <em>but</em> only as far back as the band goes. Beyond Valiant…all I have is what I know. <em>Knew</em>?” V sighed, “Fuck, this is confusing.”</p>
<p>“Was wonderin’ how your band mates were so familiar with you. Comfortable enough to dare use your real name.”</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I’ve been correcting that one <em>really</em> quickly. That’s not a privilege they get to have.”</p>
<p>He smirked, taking another drag of his cigarette. “Good. Don’t want them getting’ that close.”</p>
<p>“Why? Jealous?”</p>
<p>“Of what? One of them is too busy trying to jump on Kerry’s dick—”</p>
<p>“Mitchell—”</p>
<p>“I don’t even know the other one, the bassist—”</p>
<p>“James, but bassists are seen and not heard—”</p>
<p>He barked out a laugh at that, “Got that right, and your drummer—”</p>
<p>“—Leah, who <em>really </em>wants to fuck you.” There was a tone of annoyance when she said that, and Johnny tossed his finished cigarette out the window. He shifted his hands again, so that he could put a hand on her thigh.</p>
<p>“Yeah, kinda got that idea when she kissed me. Not interested.”</p>
<p>It was her turn to laugh, “Could have fooled me.”</p>
<p>“You were fuckin’ wasted and can’t hold your alcohol. How’s the hand by the way?”</p>
<p>“Will heal fine, but seriously, I thought that was just some fucking trick being played on me. You could have given me a fucking hint it was really you.”</p>
<p>He raised an eyebrow, “You could have done the same.”</p>
<p>“I did!” She shifted again, moving her hand to rest on top of his on her thigh, “Why do you think I played <em>the song</em> at the end of both sets?”</p>
<p>“I thought it was a fuckin’ trick being played!”</p>
<p>“Oh, for fuck sake, we are still <em>so</em> fucking bad at this.”</p>
<p>He laughed hard, and gave her thigh a squeeze, “Don’t think that’s ever gonna change.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. ; gave them our reactions, our explosions, all that was ours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“I seriously do not believe Samurai was that big. No way. Hardly anyone came to your little reunion show.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Nancy didn’t want to promote it, Ker insisted.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Still. I think you’re lying just a little to yourself about how popular you guys were.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What, you didn’t grow up listenin’ to our records? Seen your memories, V.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well yeah, okay yeah. But I also never chased any band around a damn hotel, screaming to get a view of someone.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“That’s just ‘cause you have the preem view right in front of you, babe.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Not helping your case.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Listen, it was Beatles level shit. Got chased more times than I could count. People lost their fuckin’ shit around us, never experienced anything else like it.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Alright, say I believe you. I got one question.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Who are the Beatles?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“V, if I wasn’t already dead, you would have just put me in the grave with that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her laughter rang out in the apartment, as she smacked his arm with hers, “I know who they are, you gonk. But shit, your reaction was amazing.”</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>An hour outside of Las Vegas, they pulled off the highway and Johnny steered them towards a motel. The more they talked, tried to figure out their situation more, the more V just <em>didn’t</em> want to talk anymore. She wanted to be alone with him, she wanted them to have time for them before joining everyone in Vegas.</p><p>Because she had also been the one to remind him that if they suddenly all over each other in front of the others, it’d raise eyebrows.</p><p>“So, you want to sneak around?” The mischievous grin had curled up so easily on his lips, “Kinda hot, V.”</p><p>“Think you can manage that, keeping your hands to yourself?”</p><p>“Hands, sure. Thoughts…” He turned the car off and looked at her, over his aviators, “Not at all.”</p><p>“Good,” she replied with her own grin, and got out of the car. She waited for him to come to her side, and once he wrapped his metal arm around her shoulders, she wrapped her arm around his side. They kept each other close as they walked towards the motel.</p><p>He had parked the Porsche in a slightly hidden area under some trees, but as they walked through the parking lot, there was a feeling V couldn’t shake.</p><p>Like they were being watched.</p><p>“Bet we can get away with hiding out here for a bit,” Johnny smirked towards her, oblivious to how people started to peek out at them through windows the closer they got to the motel. “First Vegas show ain’t until tomorrow night anyway.”</p><p>“Not sure if we can stay here,” V muttered, as they reached the door.</p><p>He stopped and raised an eyebrow, “Not plannin’ on us getting a lot of sleep, if that’s what you’re askin’,” he teased.</p><p>“No, Johnny, I mean…”</p><p>He opened the door to the motel lobby, and immediately they were met with screaming. Full on excited screaming that V had never <em>actually</em> heard in her life. Only through a memory, once. One of his.</p><p>She felt Johnny move his arm from around her shoulders, standing closer to her side. Stepping in front of her, almost protectively, in a way she hadn’t actually expected.</p><p>Around them, men and women dressed in Samurai gear were moving with anxious energy, the opportunity presented to them to be near one of their idols.</p><p>It felt like a moment in slow motion.</p><p>Until V heard a woman scream about how much she wanted to fuck Johnny. And another voice behind the two of them screaming to get ‘that woman’ away from him. To get <em>her </em>away from him.</p><p>Then the slow motion had stopped, and fast forward had been pressed.</p><p>V felt arms around her, a small group of people physically pulling her back from Johnny and pushing her to the side, where the woman went for Johnny.</p><p>He was eating it up, the recognition and praise he <em>craved</em>, and this was every bit the 2020 Johnny that V had honestly hoped that she would never see. Ego and pride, out for display, the pure ignorance of anything other than himself in that exact moment.</p><p>It made something uncomfortable settle in her stomach, unwanted.</p><p>V struggled to push back from the people holding her back, as she watched the woman start to throw herself onto Johnny, kissing him, trying to get his clothes off in the middle of the damn lobby as if there weren’t a group of people there watching them.</p><p>His hands were out, trying to push her away from him.</p><p>She couldn’t tell if the emotion of discomfort was from him, or from her, everything still bleeding together in a way that shouldn’t have been possible.</p><p>But it was enough, as V shoved against the people holding her back, and did not hold anything back as her fists went flying.</p><p>In front of her, Johnny’s expression had changed to anger, finally physically pushing the women off him and shoving anyone else near him to the side.</p><p>She felt his metal hand grab hers and pulled her out of the small crowd threatening to swallow her, as they ran back out into the parking lot and towards his Porsche.</p><p>They ran as fast as they could. As they reached the car, V got in as Johnny slid over the hood of the car before getting in and peeling them out of the parking lot.</p><p>As Johnny sped away and got them back onto the highway, V kept looking behind them to see if they were followed. When it seems like they might have been in the clear, she <em>immediately</em> punched his arm, “What the fuck was that Johnny?!”</p><p>“I’m fuckin’ driving, don’t punch me!”</p><p>“Want to explain what the fuck happened back there?”</p><p>“I told you, people loved us!”</p><p>“You almost fucking forgot about me!” V screamed back, “I saw the look on your face, like you were <em>finally</em> being praised like the fucking god you <em>think</em> you are.”</p><p><em>You’re going to fucking forget about me one day, you’ll be back to your life, and poof, no more Renee. </em>The memory is recalled so easily, and she visibly cringes at the reminder. Next to her, Johnny has a similar reaction.</p><p>He took his glasses off and threw them on the dashboard, “Fuck off, that’s not what happened!” His thoughts are going a mile a minute, he’s screaming in his head to himself that he’s just a damn act that he has to put on. For some reason, it puts V at ease. Despite the fact that she can <em>hear</em> it is still confusing to her. “It’s not like anythin’ happened the way it had before when I was there!”</p><p>Until she immediately was no longer at ease.</p><p>She watched his expression change from anger to immediate worry after he spoke, watched his eyes dart from her back to the road.</p><p>“Johnny, it’s not like <em>what</em>?”</p><p>“Think I just remembered why I knew where that motel was.”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>He keeps his eyes on the road, “Used to go there to fuck groupies before our Vegas shows.”</p><p>“Are you <em>fucking kidding me?</em>” The anger that drove through her made her feel like she was going to explode. Body shaking, every piece of her vibrating at a frequency she hadn’t felt in so long. Since they had once been at each other’s throats every day.</p><p>“Renee, I swear to fuckin’—”</p><p>“Do <em>not</em> call me that right now, you do <em>not </em>have that right.”</p><p>“Okay, you’re pissed, I get it, but I didn’t drive us there with the intention—”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter. It’s just another reminder that ultimately, I don’t actually belong here. And that pisses me off more than anything. What am I even <em>doing</em>?” She crosses her arms over her chest, turning to look out the window. She knows that she sounds defeated, and she doesn’t care.</p><p>He’s silent next to her, but after a few minutes, he pulls the car to the side of the road and parks. He shifts next to her, but she doesn’t turn away from the window. She stares at a rock in the distance as if she could command it to come and smack him upside the head.</p><p>She knows he hears that thought, because he tries to hide the chuckle that comes from it. Despite herself, she smirks at the sound, before going back to being annoyed.</p><p>“V.”</p><p>“What?” She snaps, “Can we just get to—”</p><p>“Can you listen to me for a fuckin’ second?”</p><p>Her eyes close for a moment, taking a deep breath. Then she opens her eyes and turns to look at him. He has his hand held out to her, with her bullet necklace in his hand.</p><p>Anger shifts into confusion as she takes it out of his hand and runs her fingers over it. “How…”</p><p>“Was in my pocket, don’t know how it got there. Been wearin’ it under my shirt since then.” He ran a hand over his beard and shrugged his shoulders. “See it as proof you do belong here, though.”</p><p>She twisted the necklace between her fingers before she handed it back to him. She shrugged out of her jacket and held her arm out to him; as she took the sleeve from her jacket and wiped away some the makeup she had covering her tattoo. The outline of the heart was the most that she uncovered. “I was covering it. Because I didn’t...well, didn’t want to give myself the wrong idea. This…<em>fuck</em>, Johnny this is<em> your</em> world, not mine. I don’t even belong here. Everyone I knew…they don’t even exist yet. And if they do exist, they’re too young or have no idea who the fuck I am. You have your old life returned to you, as if you <em>never</em> left it. What happened back there? Proof of that.”</p><p>But she doesn’t know if it’s actually proof. She’s scared. And somehow, in ways she doesn’t understand, she knows he feels how scared she is.</p><p>She hates it.</p><p>“Don’t want the old life, V,” He said as he put bullet necklace back on but left it above his shirt. “Won’t lie, say that it’s not nice to be back in it, but I know too much now. Know everythin’ that I had done, had amounted to a whole lot of pain for people I hadn’t intended to hurt. And a whole lot of nothing to those I <em>did </em>intend to hurt.”</p><p>He reached over then, taking her hand into his, “Meant what I said before. Any new life, without you at my side, it wouldn’t be worth it.”</p><p>She stayed silent, before she leaned over to kiss him. He tugged on her arm, to bring her to his lap and she shook her head. “In your tiny ass car? Not happening.”</p><p>He growled, “Tease,” but she feels his affection playing against her own, and she smiles.</p><p>He navigated them back to the open road, and once they were on their way, he reached out and took her hand in his again as the lights of Vegas finally started to beckon them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. ; is it ever gonna be enough?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>A new challenger appears! Character tags updated ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Las Vegas, as far as V was concerned, was a hot mess of a city.</p>
<p>And it reminded her so much of Night City in ’77 that it made her heart ache.</p>
<p>They were going to play a week of shows while they were here, and she was determined to explore as much of the city as she could. The only thing that she was missing more was not being able to take over the damn city with Jackie – he would have eaten this up.</p>
<p>She remembered the stories that Vik used to tell her; that he’d go to Vegas specifically take in a few fights and take what he learned back to Night City. He taught her some moves he had shown Jackie in their boxing club, and every now and then he’d check on her to see how she was using them. He had followed her progress through the fights in Night City, and when she won the championship, he had been right there at her side grinning like a proud father.</p>
<p><em>Fuck,</em> she missed him. She missed Jackie. She missed Misty. She missed Judy. She missed her life.</p>
<p>But she had to take things into consideration: she was alive, though in a different time. How she got here, she still wasn’t sure, and was too worried about actually figuring that out. But if she was here, maybe everything would go different in the future. Jackie wouldn’t die, Misty wouldn’t be alone. No one would ever be the wiser for V being gone.</p>
<p>Because they would <em>never know</em> she existed in the first place.</p>
<p>And it was strange, knowing the only person who really knew <em>her</em> now was Johnny. The rockerboy had a lot of his own things to deal with; and they didn’t talk about the struggles of trying to compartmentalize who he was supposed to be in 2020 with who he actually was now. She could see it playing on his features, how he carried himself, when he shifted into the role that he <em>thought</em> he had to play to keep things going at a normal pace.</p>
<p>And V, she just struggled in general. Because the ‘memories’ she had of her life in 2020 made less and less sense. Nothing outside of her work with Valiant, everything else she was forced to make up on the fly. But the connections she felt had been real. The friendships, the camaraderie, the way that she still felt the need to punch Leah in the face every time she so much as sighed dreamily towards Johnny.</p>
<p>Which, now that Johnny was able to read V better, every time that emotion came up, he’d smirk.</p>
<p>He still hid her necklace under his shirt. She still covered the tattoo with makeup. They did their best in the first day in Vegas to keep their distance, not to draw suspicion.</p>
<p>When Kerry had asked why V had driven with Johnny to Vegas instead of taking the bus with them, she had said it was a “collaboration idea” they were discussing.</p>
<p>“Musically,” Johnny had immediately cut in, “Don’t get any fuckin’ ideas, Ker.” His tone had dripped with disinterest, with annoyance his friend might even <em>think</em> of something like that.</p>
<p>But after the first Vegas show, Johnny was the one who snuck into her hotel room with a bottle of alcohol and a grin on his lips. Johnny was the one who kissed her like his life depended on it, and he never wanted anyone other than her. Johnny was the one who swallowed her moans with his mouth as he fucked her against the wall. Johnny was the one who stayed for as long as he was able to with her before the sun rose. Johnny was the one who claimed her, marked her, told her that she was his. Johnny was the one who said that he loved her.</p>
<p>Right now, all they had was sneaking around while they tried to figure their situation out. And if it remained that all they had was just the ability to keep this a secret, if it kept going like it was now, she was okay with that.</p>
<p>She was always <em>exceptionally good</em> at lying to herself.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>She sat on the sand in Pacifica, the only light being the moon bouncing off the water. He sat next to her, manifesting his guitar, and playing some music quietly as she smoked. After the Drive-In, how shut off he had been, she had driven them out as far as they could go. Fresh air, or as fresh as she could get in Night City.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What happened between you and Rogue? Before tonight, I mean” She asked, and Johnny shrugged. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“On and off for years. Cheated on her a lot. Never treated her how I should have. End of the day, wasn’t honest with myself on how I felt.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Had you tried to reconnect? Before ’23?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He raises an eyebrow at her, “Why are you askin’?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Just want to understand. I get your memories in pieces.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The music stops as the guitar disappears. He pulls his knees up, leaning his arms on them. “Reconnected in 2020, during the reunion tour. Disconnected pretty quickly after.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Alt?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Somethin’ like that.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“For what it’s worth, sorry tonight didn’t go how you wanted it to go.” She looks out to the ocean, the soft waves pulling into the shore. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Next to her, she hears Johnny sigh. There’s a feeling of something that he’s giving off that she doesn’t quite understand. Maybe she’s not supposed to understand. “Don’t be. We’ve moved on. Both of us are better for it.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why, got a better idea in the wings?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Somethin’ like that.” </em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>After the second night and another fantastic show, they all went out partying.</p>
<p>The more everyone drank, the more Johnny and V gravitated towards each other. It was getting harder to hide what she felt for him, it was getting harder for her to keep the wall up.</p>
<p>The fans were easier to keep away in Vegas somehow, it was easier to escape the screaming women chasing Kerry and Johnny down – especially when Nancy and Denny told the groupies to fuck off.</p>
<p>It was easier to weave in and out of the neon streets, Johnny not at all hiding the fact that he kept trying to find ways to touch her. A graze of his fingers against hers. His arm brushing against hers. Eventually with enough alcohol in him, he just had his arm protectively around her shoulder as he happily and drunkenly sang songs in her ear.</p>
<p>It had been his idea to drag them all into a tattoo parlor, and he paid enough to keep the tattoo artists quiet <em>and</em> to have some privacy.</p>
<p>“Want what she has,” Johnny had drunkenly slurred, grinning like a fucking fool as he held V’s arm out.</p>
<p>She had to grab a nearby bottle of water and a towel to wipe the makeup off, the tattoo artist looking at both of them as if they had lost their heads. But she was laughing like a drunk fool in love, he was demanding he get the exact same thing in the exact same place.</p>
<p>And he was looking at her like he just so lovesick for her, why would she say no?</p>
<p>“Can tell them it’s cause we’re both the leads of our bands,” he laughed, “not that anyone should give a fuck.”</p>
<p>“You think it’s a good idea?” She asked, but at that point, the tattoo was almost done. When they had come out of the booth, Mitchell and Kerry were yelling excitedly about their matching tattoos and immediately showed them off to Johnny and V. Tattoos that they <em>claimed</em> were tasteful pieces of art.</p>
<p>“That’s a penis,” V had said, and Johnny roared with laughter, his metal arm around her shoulders keeping himself up right. She couldn’t help but beam at Johnny’s reaction, how hard he laughed, just how <em>light</em> it sounded. When Mitchell and Kerry both protested that it was <em>a piece of art</em>, V snorted, “It’s a <em>penis</em>, guys. And not a very good looking one.”</p>
<p>Kerry scowled, “Well what did you two get? Huh?” His eyes narrowed, wobbly on his feet as he pointed towards the two of them.</p>
<p>Johnny just grinned at V, “Nope. Secret.” And to prove it, he drunkenly put his finger to V’s lips, “Shh. Don’t tell.”</p>
<p>The rest of the night was more drinking, and Johnny and V taking their chances by making out in alleys that they didn’t think anyone saw them in. They had managed to get back to the hotel in one piece, where she led him into her hotel room.</p>
<p>“Shh,” she whispered to him, her finger over his lips. “Don’t tell.”</p>
<p>When she had woken up the next morning, he was gone. But next to her side of the bed was a hot cup of coffee, and his aviators waiting for her.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>The silence between them continued, ocean waves the only sound. “Alright,” he finally said, “I get to ask the questions now.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She raised an eyebrow, “Like?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You wanted to know about my personal shit. I want to know about yours.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Johnny—”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“—only fair, V.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She sighed, and only gestured for him to go on. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Why haven’t you been with anyone since I’ve been around?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>V visibly looked shocked at the question, clearing her throat awkwardly. “Didn’t feel right. You feel what I feel, right? Seemed weird.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I don’t mind threesomes,” he winks at her obnoxiously.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You know what I mean, Johnny,” She rolls her eyes. “Besides, I’m dying. What am I going to do? Go on a date, ‘oh and you’re wonderful, and sex with me is fucking amazing, but I’m gonna die in a few months ‘cause I got a dead rocker in my head!  Anyway, wanna make this a serious thing?’ Don’t think so.” V moved to stretch her legs out in front of her, her hands digging into the sand behind her. “Every person would go running for the hills.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I wouldn’t,” He replies nonchalantly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She snorts, “You’re the said rocker in my head, you can’t go running for the hills even if you wanted to.”</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>After the third night, there hadn’t been any set plans as a large group. Mitchell and Kerry were still recovering from the night before, and V suspected they had something more private planned. Nancy and Denny were dragging Leah out to the clubs – they had extended their invite to V but she declined it. James, well she didn’t know where the hell he was, he always slipped out of the music venue as soon as the show was over.</p>
<p>As far as she knew, that meant her and Johnny had a chance of being alone and not have to sneak around for a night. And it was a chance she was more than excited to take.</p>
<p>Sneaking around, it had its fun. But she missed when she could just relax with him, just be who she wanted to be when she was with him. He didn’t have to put on the 2020 act, she didn’t have to act as if she wasn’t so fucking lovestruck.</p>
<p>She put in some effort, opting for a mini-dress, heels. She fixed her hair, wrapping a scarf lightly around her arm where the tattoo resided. He was keeping his covered as it healed, so she did the same. The idea that she wouldn’t have to hide it tonight brought a smile to her lips.</p>
<p>When she stepped into the hallway to go over to his room, something stopped her in her tracks. The smile she had died instantly.</p>
<p>Only a few feet away, there was a figure standing in front of his room knocking.</p>
<p>A woman, with deep black-green hair with shaved sides. She was far younger than V had remembered her, but she had seen Johnny’s memories enough to know <em>exactly</em> who it was.</p>
<p>
  <em>Rogue. </em>
</p>
<p>V cleared her throat, held her head high. She had already done the effort of leaving her room, she couldn’t turn around go back in. The way to the elevators were <em>past</em> where Rogue was standing. And, because the universe seemed to loathe her now, at the end of the hall coming out of a room, Kerry had appeared.</p>
<p>She fumbled with her purse, as she listened for Johnny’s door to open. When it did, V lifted her head to watch out of the corner of her eye. She couldn’t see his face but saw the tips of his metal fingers. From where V stood, it looked like Rogue’s features softened, and she leaned in to kiss Johnny. Then, she pushed her way into the room with a laugh.</p>
<p>As Johnny’s hotel room door shut, V gripped onto her purse tighter, her other hand shifting into a fist. She had been such a fucking fool.</p>
<p><em>Reconnected in 2020, during the reunion tour,</em> he had told her, <em>Disconnected pretty quickly after.</em></p>
<p>She wasn’t about to go back to her hotel room, listening to Johnny fuck Rogue through their shared hotel wall. She needed to get out.</p>
<p>As she walked past Johnny’s room, it was nothing but anger coming through her, <em>hoping </em>that he would feel it.</p>
<p>“V?” Kerry tried to talk to her as she stormed past, but she just shook her head and kept going. Wanting nothing more than to escape into a city where at least she wasn’t the only one who suddenly felt so fucking alone.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Mean it though,” he replies, “wouldn’t run for the hills.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She eyes him curiously, “Thanks. I guess. But, yeah, that’s why. I guess I just don’t see the point in starting something with anyone when it’s not going to matter in the end.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Nothing is worth it to you?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“There’s…something that worth it to me, but don’t think that’s in the cards.” She shifts, avoiding looking at him as she stands up and brushes the sand off her. As she straightens back up, he’s glitched in front of her with an expression on his face she can’t read. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hope that’s not true, V. For both our sakes.”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. ; holding out for the right time, that second lifetime never arrives</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She exits the elevator and tightens the scarf around her arm, knotting it once more and shoving the excess fabric underneath. A reminder of everything that she doesn’t want to think about right now; because thinking of what <em>might</em> be going on in his hotel room is making her sick.</p><p>Heels click on the floor, walking with <em>purpose</em>; but once she realizes the only purpose is to try to create <em>distance</em> that she’s not quite sure she’s one hundred percent strong enough to give herself, she falters. The rational side of her tells her that she needs to just talk to him. This is all most likely a misunderstanding, because they know what they mean to each other.</p><p>
  <em>Meant what I said before. Any new life, without you at my side, it wouldn’t be worth it.</em>
</p><p>The irrational side of her wants the rational side to <em>fuck off</em>. The irrational side wants to get out into Vegas and get into some <em>real</em> trouble.</p><p>A strange combination of the two wins out, as she walks through the hotel lobby. The hotel’s bar wasn’t packed too full, but enough that she could still be alone in a sea full of strangers all too focused on their drinks or what was playing on the television than her.</p><p>In this case, what was playing was a boxing match. Oddly enough, one she could have sworn she had seen before. Must have been a repeat. But that was what drew her in, abandoning her grandiose ideas of getting into chaotic trouble in Vegas itself. This hotel bar would do.</p><p>There was one empty seat at the bar in the corner, and that was the one she took. She paid no attention to the man sitting in the stool next to her as the bartender came over. “I’ll have a tequila old fashioned with—” She immediately stopped, cursing herself for attempting to do <em>his</em> drink order. Sighing, “Actually, whiskey. Neat. And leave the bottle.”</p><p>That earns her a look from the bartender. She immediately sighs, “I’m also going to pay for the full bottle.” When the bartender leaves, she puts her head in her hands, and groans in frustration.</p><p>“Rough night?” A male voice next to her spoke, and she was expecting to tell the man off.</p><p>Rage started to bubble out from her, because the idea of being picked up by some <em>random</em> wasn’t what she wanted <em>or</em> needed. “You have some—” she started, lifting her head glaring, turning to face him. But when she saw the man’s face, her attitude shifted. Her heart ached, her features softened, and in a small moment she wanted to cry in relief. “…no idea.”</p><p>“Which is it? I have <em>some</em> idea, or <em>no </em>idea?” He looked her over and raised an eyebrow, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”</p><p>“Something like that,” she said, as the bartender brought her drink – and the bottle – over.</p><p>The man next to her adjusted his glasses and held his hand out, “Viktor.”</p><p>She almost wanted to cry at how familiar this was, and she wanted to test the waters, “Renee,” she said, shaking his hand. But there was no recognition of her name in his eyes, and why would there be? They didn’t meet until 2077. He wouldn’t know who she was, and how close they had been.</p><p>That he was her only family once Jackie died, and <em>fuck</em> she missed him so bad.</p><p>Viktor half smiled, lifting the beer he had to his lips as his eyes moved to the television in front of them, “You’re not the only one having a rough night,” he gestured, “Martinez hasn’t gotten a single punch in, and he was supposed to win.”</p><p>Her eyes drifted to the television, watching the fight, and Viktor was right. The one who was supposed to be the champion, lost to the underdog. The text scrolled across the screen that it was an upset, and Viktor laughed.</p><p>“<em>Upset</em> my ass.”</p><p>“What, don’t think it was?” She asked, drinking from her glass and letting the whiskey burn so good down her throat.</p><p>“Nope. Martinez was all ego; it went to his head. Blinded by what was in front of him, thinking he could just do what he’s always done, and the outcome would be the same. Then Anderson comes in, <em>knows</em> all the ways that Martinez is weak, and swoops in. Guy never saw it coming.”</p><p>“Talking from experience?”</p><p>“Nah, used to fight with ‘im, so he knows what he’s doing.”</p><p>“Used to fight with which one?”</p><p>There’s a grin on Viktor’s lips before he takes a drink, “Both.”</p><p>And V laughs, because it just brings her back to all the stories he used to tell. Old fights he used to watch, fights he studied. It hits her then, as she watches him set his beer bottle back down, why this fight is so familiar.</p><p>There were few fights that Vik watched in his clinic, on repeat. All of them were old matches. And this? Was one of them.</p><p>She felt like the past – future? – was slapping her in the face and it was taking all her restraint not to rebel against it.</p><p>Said he always wanted to know why the person lost; not to be better than them, but to understand what went wrong so he could improve upon it.</p><p>She had once told him he was the weirdest non-psychologist she had ever met. He had just replied with a grin and kicked her out of his shop for the day.</p><p>This Viktor is fifty plus years <em>younger</em> than the man she knew, and it surprised her. She hadn’t thought he was that old before, but now he only looked a few years older than her.</p><p>They sat in silence, both drinking as the television is changed to the news and turned down. The radio behind the bar is turned up. Those who were there to watch the match start to leave, but Viktor doesn’t move.</p><p>“So, what’s got you looking at the bottom of a bottle?” He asks, as if they’re old friends, and that brings a small smile to her lips.</p><p>V shrugs, “Long damn story.” She took another drink, “Viktor, you got someone back home?”</p><p>He laughed, “Well that was fast. Yeah. Back in Night City. Marie.”</p><p>That name made her heart hurt more. Because she knew their story. She knew how Viktor had loved, and lost her, in the most tragic of ways. That he hadn’t been with anyone since. But that was the future. That wasn’t now. And so, V smiled.</p><p>“Treat her right. Don’t be a douchebag.”</p><p>“Problem with a partner then?”</p><p>Caught, V laughed, her eyebrow raised, “I have horrible taste in men.”</p><p>“But lucky for the men I bet,” he grinned. He looked her over, gesturing with his head to her arm, “That got something to do with it?”</p><p>She looked at the scarf and shrugged. “Yeah. I guess.”</p><p>Viktor sighed, and raised his beer to his lips, talking a drink before speaking, “Listen, don’t know you at all. But when shit gets bad between Marie and I, she forces me to sit down and talk it out.” He takes a drink of his beer, before waving the bartender down for another one. “Doesn’t mean I <em>like</em> to talk about that shit, but for her, I’ll do anything.”</p><p><em>Yeah</em>, V thinks, <em>I know you would</em>.</p><p>She sighs, as she takes another drink from her glass. “You know, me and—” She pauses, searching for the right name to use, “<em>Rob” </em>because she knows he’d hate it, “don’t always have the communication thing down.”</p><p>“Been together long?” Vik asks, as he grabs the whiskey bottle and fills V’s glass. She smirks at that, because it doesn’t matter what year it is – Viktor Vector is still the <em>exact</em> same man she knew. Gently forcing alcohol on her as a means to get her to open up, and it <em>always</em> worked. Mostly because it was due to how she trusted him, but she always let him think he was sly. She didn’t think he had ever caught onto her. Much.</p><p>“Not long, but…let’s just say it can be intense enough that it also feels like it’s been a whole lifetime.” And then some. “Fuck, you know, I don’t know if I can actually say that we’re a <em>thing</em>. Been sneaking around, keeping it a secret.” She realizes then that she hates the hiding. That’s why she’s mad, right?</p><p>That, and the reminders that he loved her, that nothing was worth it unless she was by his side – but his past was prone to coming back at inopportune times, and she wasn’t even sure if he was his future anymore. She wanted to <em>belong</em> here, and it felt like the universe was telling her no.</p><p>“That why you’re here all dressed up and drowning your sorrows?”</p><p>She takes another large drink. “Saw his ex-girlfriend kiss him outside his hotel room.”</p><p>“His hotel room? You’re in different rooms?”</p><p>“Like I said. Complicated.”</p><p>“Shit,” Viktor droned, taking another drink, “Sure sounds it.” He takes a moment, setting the beer down, and rests his arms on the bar, “You see him kiss her back?”</p><p>Caught off guard at the question, she halted her actions, holding her drink up in the air in front of her as she looked at him, “What?”</p><p>“Was it a full-on thing? You see how he reacted?”</p><p>V raised an eyebrow, “No, I—”</p><p>Viktor made a clicking sound with his tongue, taking another drink. “Maybe shit ain’t as complicated as you think. Listen, alright, so one time, Marie thought she saw me with an old flame…”</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Got a feelin’ that if I ever came face to face with that guy, he’d knock my brains out.” Johnny comments, flicking away his digital cigarette. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Yeah, he would,” V replies, “and I’d honestly let him.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Then lucky for me that ain’t gonna happen, huh?” He snaps back, rolling his eyes. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She shakes her head, “You don’t get it. You ever have anyone care about you like family? That’s Vik to me. He’s family, J. You fuck with me; he fucks with you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Mafia family rules, then. Make me an offer that I can’t refuse, that shit.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“What?” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sighs, “Being in your head is going to destroy me.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Not if you end up destroying me first,” she mutters, but knows he hears it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>*** </em>
</p><p>She doesn’t know how long she’s been at the bar; how many hours have passed. The bottle is half gone, but mostly because now Viktor is also helping her drink it. The entire time, Viktor is just talking to her. Offering her advice, though it’s not the type she’s used to from him: this lovestruck Viktor is giving her <em>relationship</em> advice and comparing what he has been told of her situation to his own.</p><p>“I fucked up a lot when we started out,” he tells her, “but I have been in love with her since I first saw her. No way I was going to ruin that.”</p><p>She decides that young, in-love, drunk Viktor Vector is secretly her <em>favorite</em> one. She’s only a little sad that she won’t ever really be able to tease the older version of him about this. Okay, she’s a <em>lot</em> sad about that, but she can’t allow herself to dwell on that.</p><p>The advice is not <em>awful</em>, if not sort of biased in a strange way. But he keeps telling her to just <em>talk</em> to ‘Rob’ and he won’t stop pestering her about it drunkenly until she laughs and finally gives in. “Alright! I’ll fucking talk to him!”</p><p>He grins, nods in approval, and the topic is changed so quickly it makes her head spin.</p><p>And then he’s telling stories of boxing matches, how he’s gonna be up in the Watson Boxing Grand Prix soon, and he’s doing some research. She ends up admitting to him that she <em>used</em> to live in Watson in Night City. He lights up at that and suggests that maybe she can catch one of his fights. Visit his new Ripperdoc clinic he’s looking to set up as a side gig. Meet his girl Marie.</p><p>“I want to,” She says with a smile, “But can’t. I’m actually out here because I’m on tour.”</p><p>Viktor raises an eyebrow, “Like, concert tour?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>He laughs, “Well <em>fuck</em>, you’re a musician? Solo or band?”</p><p>The grin comes easily, “Band. We’re called Valiant. We’re just the opening band for now, but it’s been a lot of fun.” <em>Despite all the bullshit</em>, she leaves off.</p><p>“Who are you opening for?” He asks, taking a drink. When she tells him it’s Samurai, he almost chokes on his drink. “Fuck. You’re telling me I’ve been just hanging out all night drinking with a future rock legend?”</p><p>V laughs <em>hard</em> at that, “I’m not gonna be a future rock legend. Besides, still not sure we’re not gonna get kicked off the tour eventually.” Not so sure if how things are even going to work out, if she’s even stuck in this time, or if it was still just a fucked-up fever dream. “They don’t usually do opening bands.”</p><p>“Yeah, because everyone says Johnny Silverhand’s ego isn’t big enough for another band on stage.” He raises an eyebrow, and she hides her reaction to hearing Johnny’s name. “You must be <em>good </em>then.”</p><p>“<em>I </em>think so. You should come to our show tomorrow night if you’re still in town. Can get you tickets if you want.” She’s actually hoping that Vik shows up. She’s hoping because she wants a familiar face when she plays.</p><p>But Viktor sighs and shakes his head, “Can’t. Heading back to NC tomorrow morning. But when you guys play NC again, hit me up.” He pulls out his wallet, and hands her his business card, “I’ll use it as an excuse to take my girl out on the town.”</p><p>The card feels almost heavy between her fingers, his name and location of his clinic – only just starting out.</p><p>With his wallet still out, he takes out cash and throws it on the bar, “Hers too,” he says to the bartender, and V starts to protest. But Viktor shakes his head, waves her off, “Nah. You’ll pay me back next time.”</p><p>True to who he was, true to the man who refused to take a dime from her because he knew she’d be making it big one day.</p><p>She couldn’t say anything, other than nod in thank you – with the alcohol in her system, she might have just cried if she tried.</p><p>“Oh,” Viktor turns back to her, leans down to whisper, “hope it works out with you and Silverhand.”</p><p>She blinks a few times, “That’s not who I...” but she knows she’s caught. It’s on her face, the heat to her cheeks.  </p><p>Viktor smirks, “Put two and two together. Most people smart enough to pay attention know his real name, he does scream about it enough.” He pats V’s shoulder and offers a smile.</p><p>“You’re a damn mystery, Viktor. Been nice meeting you.”</p><p>“Same to you, Renee. Let me know when you guys are back in Night City.”</p><p>He waves and leaves the bar, and she stays at the bar to finish her drink.</p><p>On the radio, her voice sang out words to the song that she had written with Johnny, but she didn’t notice.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Don't worry, Vik will be back! :) And per usual, thank you for reading :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. ; knowing all the questions no one wants to ask themselves</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Takes place at the same time as the last chapter!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He knew that everyone else had plans tonight.</p><p>He also knew that V <em>didn’t</em>.</p><p>It was a perfect opportunity to surprise her. Maybe take her on a real date, he had never been able to take her on one before without her looking certifiably insane. Hadn’t ever actually took anyone else on a real date either, had never felt the romantic notions in the traditional sense with Alt and Rogue.</p><p>Sneaking around, leaving V’s hotel room before anyone else woke up, it had been exciting at first. Right up his alley, on how he <em>used</em> to do things. But he had woken up that day with the feeling that he needed<em> more</em>. Woman like V, she deserved more than secret glances and dirty thoughts sent to her through the connection he still didn’t understand.</p><p>And he wanted to give her what she deserved. She deserved far better than the man he used to be. He’d burn down the damn world for her, all she had to do was fucking ask.</p><p>So, when the knock came at his room an hour after the show ended, he had <em>expected</em> it to be V. Wanted it to be V.</p><p>Instead, he opened the door and there were suddenly lips on his that were not V’s. He held his hands out, he didn’t return the kiss, and when the woman broke it, his eyes went wide.</p><p><em>Fuck</em>. “Rogue?”</p><p>“Got your message,” She grinned, pushing her hands against his chest and shoving him into his hotel room. She kicked the door closed behind her.</p><p>“My...message?”</p><p>“Last month. Said I should meet you in Vegas when you play here. I’m here, aren’t I?”</p><p>He supposed he did. Before coming back from fifty years in the future in ways he still couldn’t wrap his mind around.</p><p>As Rogue took a step forward towards him, he took a step back, hands out at his side. “Plans changed, Rogue. Don’t need you here.” Words weren’t coming out right, but this wasn’t going to go down the way it had before.</p><p>He wasn’t going to fuck her until she screamed, he wasn’t going to make false promises he had no intention to keep so he could use her on the raid on Arasaka Tower. He wasn’t going to reconnect with her. He couldn’t reconnect with her.</p><p>“Bullshit, Johnny, I did not come here for nothing.”</p><p>“Then talk to Blackhand. He’s got info you might be interested in, but I’m takin’ myself out of the game.” Did Morgan have the information yet? He couldn’t remember, but he was pulling at straws and throwing them out there to get Rogue to leave.</p><p>Rogue scoffed, a bitter laugh that he was used to no matter what year it was. “<em>Please. </em>I know you, Johnny, I know what you’re about. You’re just gonna let Arasaka run wild? And what about Alt?”</p><p>He raised an eyebrow at that. This conversation hadn’t gone this way before. Rogue hadn’t been annoyed. There hadn’t been any mention of Alt, because Alt hadn’t tried to contact him yet. No mention of him trying to give this all up, because he never thought he would. Though his chasing after Alt, despite dying almost ten years ago at this point, was always a cover. Angry that Arasaka took her for what she was capable of as a netrunner, not because of who <em>he</em> was.</p><p>Hiding behind the layers of wall that he threw up, angry at the world he had to be forced to live in, angry from the trauma of the war, always just fucking angry and toxic towards anything remotely close to helping him.</p><p>Fuck, he was such a fucking idiot. Then <em>and </em>now.</p><p>But knowing where all this led, knowing what happened in ‘23 – he couldn’t do it again. Maybe it was a coward’s way out, refusing to let the past play out exactly as it had. “Alt’s gone,” he replied. Because it was true, not knowing it then that the Alt he had loved had disappeared in the net. The Alt that existed now was the whole reason he was back in 2020 with V. “Got other priorities.”</p><p>Rogue looked at him with rage, “You invited me to see you in Vegas. A month ago. To tell me that you have other <em>priorities</em>. The <em>fuck</em>, Johnny, could have been a fucking text message, saved me the damn time!  But no, you’ve never really given a fuck about anyone but yourself, so I shouldn’t be surprised at this <em>at all</em>.” She took a step back from him, her arms crossed over her chest. “You going to enlighten me on what your new ‘priorities’ are?”</p><p>He leans against the wall, creating more distance between them. If he was who he was supposed to be now, foolish, young, and self-centered, he’d be weaving some lie to hurt her on purpose. It was a ‘gift’ he once had, the moment there was any semblance of emotion or feeling he’d act out. Go fucking nuclear, destroy the ground he was walking on and figure he’d land on his feet, everyone else be dammed. He could use choice words to unravel her, tear her down, get her to walk out of the hotel room and never think of him again.</p><p>But then he remembers the Drive-In. Being able to spend time with her in 2077, knowing her life had been changed drastically due to him. She was unhappy, but uncomplicated. Hell, somewhere along the line she had a damn son. She made a name for herself, all without his help, even if he questioned how she got so high up. She was better without him, far better than he ever had been on his own.</p><p>It was strange to look at the woman in front of him and see her in the way that she <em>might</em> become fifty years down the road.</p><p>So, instead he said, “Rogue, I never deserved you.”</p><p>Her eyes flash from anger to confusion, “Johnny, if this is some bullshit way to get under my skin, I swear I will—”</p><p>“—not doin’ that. Tryin’ to be honest with you, for once in my fuckin’ life. Way I treated you, you didn’t deserve that. You’re…you know who you are, what type of a person you are. You don’t need me to keep pullin' you back down into the ground with me. One of these days, neither one of us might not come back from it.”</p><p>Like how he had, in the future, lead her to die by Smasher’s hands in the tower.</p><p>She’s quiet, but she stares at him. Eyes unwilling to move, and he holds her gaze as long as she lets him. “No more games, Johnny.”</p><p>“No more games,” he repeats.</p><p>“Finally letting me go?”</p><p>He offers a shrug, “Never mine to begin with.”</p><p>He knows she doesn’t believe him, by the way that she looks at him, the quirk in her eyebrow. “I knew that. <em>You</em> never did.” He can tell there is more she wants to yell at him about, but something in her expression changes. Softens only slightly. “Still pissed off you wasted my fucking time, Johnny.” She rolled her eyes and headed for the door.</p><p>“Be pissed all you want,” he replies, shrug from his shoulders as she heads out. She doesn’t say goodbye, and he doesn’t follow her out the door.</p><p>But the door doesn’t close behind her when she leaves. He walks towards it to close it, only to see Kerry standing in front of him with a disapproving look on his face.</p><p>“Johnny, we need to talk. <em>Now.</em>”</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>They’re out in the badlands, in the mountains. There’s a rock up high, and that’s where she sits with her legs crossed in front of her. She’s staring at the skyline of Night City. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’s staring at her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He knows that she feels what he feels, and she turns to him with a grin, “You’re looking at the wrong thing,” she gestures with her hand to the skyline. “That should have your attention.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Seen it enough, prefer the view right in front of me.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She rolls her eyes, “Ladies and gents, Johnny Silverhand, the secret sap.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He laughs, as he focuses to wrap an arm around her shoulder, but he stays silent. He thinks of how if things were different, he’d scream how he felt about her into a microphone so everyone would know. He’d mark her, show the world that she belonged to him. He wouldn’t hide this, what they had, away. Only time he ever wanted the world to know that he belonged to someone. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Heard that,” she says softly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Good.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>Kerry is pacing around his hotel room, but he won’t actually say what’s bothering him. Johnny just lights up a cigarette and looks at him with an eyebrow raised. “Ker, there a reason you needed to—”</p><p>“Something going on with you and V?”</p><p>Eyes wide, he chokes on the smoke he’s inhaled and coughs out in surprise. The reaction gives Kerry the satisfaction that he needs, but it doesn’t seem to bring him any happiness.</p><p>“Fuck, Johnny. She’s my <em>friend</em> you can’t just fucking throw her aside like—”</p><p>“What are you talkin’ about?” He rests the cigarette in an ash tray, “I’m not—”</p><p>“I saw V in the hallway, after Rogue went into your hotel room. She looked pretty fuckin’ devastated. So, don’t tell me you’re not fuckin’ her over like—”</p><p>“I didn’t even want Rogue here!” Johnny raises his voice, his fingers twitching anxiously at his side, “I told her to fuck off, that whatever it was we had is over, and she’s gone. You <em>saw</em> her leave, Ker.”</p><p>Kerry nods, “Yeah, but also saw her kissing you too. <em>V</em> saw that.” </p><p>The frustration on his face quickly fades away, eyes go wide, and his heart tightens.</p><p><em>“Fuck</em>,” He breathed out, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Shit, okay. <em>Fuck</em>.” He picked up his cigarette again, started to pace around the room. Kerry’s look of <em>shock </em>on his face got under Johnny’s skin as he snapped, “<em>what?” </em></p><p>Kerry laughed, and invited himself to the mini bar, taking out two beers. “Never seen you react like that, knowing you’d be caught with another woman. Never bothered you before,” he pointed out as he twisted the tops of the beers and held one out for Johnny.  </p><p>He took a final drag of his cigarette before he ashed it and grabbed the beer from Kerry. “Long story,” he frowned, settling into the couch.</p><p>“Yeah, I bet. Bet the whole story is bullshit, and a real heartbreaker.” Kerry rolled his eyes, “Next you’re gonna say you’re in love or some fucking shit.”</p><p>“Wouldn’t that be somethin’,” Johnny mutters before he takes a drink from the beer.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” Kerry exclaims.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You are, aren’t you?”</p><p>He knows he needs to compartmentalize the 2020 version of him and who he had become better, he knows that <em>this</em> Kerry doesn’t know how much V means to him. He doesn’t remember the drunken conversations, he doesn’t know that Johnny full on fucking loves V and would do anything she asked, because <em>this</em> Kerry never actually had that conversation.</p><p><em>This</em> Kerry is still too concerned with trying to get out of Johnny’s shadow, and finding himself. <em>This </em>Kerry is still a little in love with every person that he meets, including Johnny, and just desperately wants that feeling of belonging.</p><p>So, he tries to explain it to Kerry the best that he could, without confusing matters. That somewhere along the line, he had an epiphany, and she was the key to it. That she helped him come to terms with a lot in his life, and a lot that he’s still working out. That he’s his better self when he’s with her. That he’d lay down his life for hers, if it had ever come to it. He leaves out that he had already, in a way, done that.</p><p>He weaves a little white lie that he had met her years ago, only to reconnect now, so Kerry doesn’t call bullshit immediately.</p><p>Then, he tells him, “Somehow, still think I’m fuckin’ everythin’ up, even if I’m actively tryin’ not to.”</p><p>Kerry is quiet for a long time as he finishes the beer and gets them both another one. He sits back down, drinks, and looks like the wheels are turning in his head. “Never heard you talk about anyone that way,” Kerry says, and Johnny knows that until now, Kerry thought he was still carrying a torch for a woman who died seven years ago that he never treated right. Or, loved. “Little jealous, actually.”</p><p>Kerry laughs then, and Johnny smirks, “Be jealous all you want,” he raises an eyebrow.</p><p>“Why fucking hide it?”</p><p>“Her idea,” Johnny shrugged, “Also, kind of hot sneakin’ around like we were.”</p><p>“Now?”</p><p>He just lifted the beer to his lips, taking a long drink.</p><p>“Should talk to her,” Kerry continued. “Not that I know what the fuck I’m talking about. But hey, whatever, man. Go with your heart or some shit.”</p><p>Johnny smirked, “What about the dude from V’s band? You know...the one you got a cock tattoo with?” He snickers at Kerry’s reaction, tables successfully turned for now.</p><p>“Alright,” Kerry held his hand up, standing to his feet, “We ain’t talkin’ about that. And it’s not a <em>cock</em>. Fuck you, go find your fucking woman.”</p><p>Once Kerry left, Johnny grabbed his holo, about to call V to find out where she was, but he stopped himself. He could feel an overwhelming feeling of loneliness wash over him, mixed with a variety of mixed emotions he couldn’t name; and he knew it wasn’t coming from him.</p><p>The stronger the feeling got, he assumed the closer V got, and when it was its strongest, he opened his door and stepped into the hallway.</p><p>V stood at her door, her hand on the door handle to her room, and looked up at him.</p><p>“Hey,” he offered, voice quiet, not sure what else to say.</p><p>“Hey,” she replied.</p><p>“Renee, can we—” He started, but stopped himself, waiting for her to yell at him for calling her Renee instead of V. When she didn’t, when he didn’t feel the wave of upset emotion and confusion off of her, but <em>saw it</em> all written clearly on her face, he swallowed hard. “--talk?”</p><p>V sighed softly and looked away from him. Looking at her door. “I’m tired, Johnny. Not tonight.”</p><p>“Alright,” He said, hiding his disappointment, his concern that he might have fucked things up for good with something that hadn’t actually been his own fault. For once.</p><p>“But we can,” She added, “just…later.” She offered a half smile, but it wasn’t the bright smiles he was used to from her. It wasn’t the look she usually gave him, even when she was mad at him.</p><p>He swallowed the fear he had, and just nodded. “Yeah. Sure. Night.”</p><p>“Yeah. Good night.”</p><p>He waited for her to go into her hotel room before he went back into his.</p><p>That night, he didn’t sleep. Part of him had wanted to be able to hear her thoughts – but nothing came from her through the hotel walls. He instead started to let his own thoughts overwhelm him.</p><p>Lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling fan, hands behind his head trying to think of a way to resolve this.</p><p>If he was who he was supposed to be in 2020, he would have been drowning out all thoughts with alcohol and drugs. Those things were never in short supply, and they certainly weren’t now. If he was who he was supposed to be, there would be a lot of things he would have done differently.</p><p>Because he <em>had</em> already done it all differently. And it was getting harder to ignore that how he used to live his life was just a series of terrible fucking coping mechanisms that never fucking worked.</p><p>Even 2023, he had roped in Rogue and Santiago not because they needed <em>more</em> stronger hitters – because they needed <em>any</em> of them. He wasn’t as close to a fighter as any of the good solos out in the world. Smasher’s rivalry was never with <em>him</em>, it was with Morgan Blackhand. Fuck, Blackhand was the reason Smasher didn’t fucking kill him immediately during that raid.</p><p>The truth that he had kept out of his replay of memories, to make himself feel like he <em>was</em> the fucking hero he <em>wanted</em> to be, when he was so far from that it was laughable.</p><p>He fought with words, he used his charisma to rope people into his wild and mostly fucked up schemes, and most of them came out of it with scars and potentially losing limbs. And he’d use, and use<em>, and use</em>, until those he used got fed up and he was the one being thrown away in an oil field with nothing to prove he was even there.</p><p>Too much had happened between the man he used to be then, and the man he was now. It was harder to pretend to be the ignorant dick he had been, rather than the wiser asshole he was now.</p><p>And the reason for it all, was on the other side of his hotel room. Not wanting to speak to him.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>also yes, before you ask, rogue is coming back too :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. ; what will you ask? (while we wait for the past to arrive)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please note the new updating schedule! I'll be trying to update this on Tuesdays and Fridays from now on :)  (So I don't accidentally blow up the tag too much on one day)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had expected to run into V the next morning, but she was gone by the time he woke up. Their last night in Vegas, everything was packed up and loaded out onto the buses before the show. They would have two nights in Arizona before they started making their way to the northern side of NUSA.</p><p>He had expected to run into her later at the venue, but she kept being <em>expertly</em> out of his way. His mind buzzed with situations, trying to play them all out in his head and not finding a resolution.</p><p>With no idea what she was thinking, with no idea of when he’d get to talk to her, he was very quickly moving to be on edge.</p><p>It was easier today to fall under the role of 2020 Johnny, eyes hidden behind aviators, a sneer on his lip towards anyone who spoke to him about anything he didn’t deem important. Going through at least one pack of cigarettes, running out of what he had left, snapping at a roadie to make sure to get more.</p><p>He had left his dressing room behind, gone into Kerry’s to talk about the last set in Vegas. What songs they wanted to do, if they wanted to switch up anything. Set would mostly remain the same, the timing of some songs would be switched up.</p><p>Johnny kept his arms crossed, “Alright, I’ll let Nance and Denny know. Don’t think they’re gonna be too pissed at us.”</p><p>Kerry offered a hum of agreeance, before he raised an eyebrow, “You gonna drive behind us this time to the next city?”</p><p>The usual answer would be yes. But it was one that Johnny had already taken into consideration, and despite the discomfort he knew he’d be dealing with, the answer was different.</p><p>He shrugged his shoulders, “Havin’ one of the roadies drive the car back to NC, lock it in my warehouse.”</p><p>“You trust a roadie with it?”</p><p>“You’d just bitch that I didn’t take the fuckin’ bus again. Killin’ two birds with one stone.” Because honestly, he had seen his car be driven by a far worse driver, and at the moment she was still nowhere to be found.</p><p>“Preem.” Kerry shrugged, taking a shot of vodka. When offered, Johnny’s face curled into disgust, as Kerry just rolled his eyes. “you talk to your woman yet?”</p><p>“Don’t call her that,” He inhaled sharply, ignoring the guilt building in his chest, “And no.”</p><p>Kerry’s eyebrow quirked up, and he smirked, “Explains why you have such a fucking stick up your ass tonight then.”</p><p>“Fuck off.”</p><p>Kerry waved him off, “Yeah, yeah. Get out, wanna practice.”</p><p>Johnny was all but shoved out of Kerry’s dressing room, going back over to his. But as he stepped in, there was something <em>very</em> important missing. He felt the rage that was bubbling under his skin all day come to a peak as he exploded.</p><p>“Where the <em>fuck </em>is my guitar?” He screamed out into the hallway, demanding a few roadies go and look for it. Kerry stepped into the hallway; his arms crossed as he leaned against a wall.</p><p>“You lost your fucking guitar?” Kerry questioned; eyes narrowed.</p><p>“Didn’t <em>lose</em> it. Someone took it, I leave for two fuckin’ seconds to talk to <em>you</em> and it’s gone.”</p><p>“Don’t look at me, asshole, I didn’t fucking take it. You have three others, go get one of those.” Kerry rolled his eyes.</p><p>In the distance, the rumbling of drums starts, and Valiant has taken the stage to start the show. Kerry pushes off the wall, as Nancy and Denny come into the hallway.</p><p>Johnny felt Nancy’s hands on his shoulders and shoves him forward, “You’re watching the set, come on.”</p><p>“Need to find my---”</p><p>Denny sneered, “Yeah, the whole fuckin’ world heard what you screamed. Fuck off, you have <em>three others</em>.”</p><p>He narrowed his eyes as he brushed Nancy’s hands off him, storming off in front of them towards the left wing of the stage.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Call me a cunt one more time, and I am punching that fucking smirk off your face,” her eyes are feral, and her look is murderous. She’s badly hurt, not paying attention in the last fight against a cyberpsycho as much as she should have. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And that is because he had been a dick and decided to distract her. There had been something she was keeping hidden from him, and he was determined to pull it out of her, no matter the consequences. Because it was what he was also keeping hidden from her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He takes off his aviators and they digitally glitch away, as he meets her glare with a smirk. “Cunt.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She lunges at him, her fist flying and making contact with his nose; he laughs at it, laughs at the actual pain he feels, and he returns it by swinging at her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She dodges it, dances back on her feet, before he goes and kicks her back. She slams against the wall and gives out a yell, a burst of anger towards him. He runs towards her and goes to punch but she grabs his arm and pulls him, swinging him into the wall with a hard thump. There isn’t a mark on the wall, and he’s not bleeding, but he’s angry. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They continue to struggle against each other until they get too exhausted, and eventually slump against the wall. He lights a digital cigarette, she lights a real one, pulling an ash tray between them even though he doesn’t need it. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Feel better?” He raises an eyebrow, smirking. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She rolls her eyes, but he sees a small smile forming on her lips. “Dick.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Cunt.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Shut up, Johnny.” </em>
</p><p>***</p><p>They settled into their spots in the wings, as Valiant took the stage and played their usual set. Perhaps tonight more than he had noticed before, V was vibrant, commanding the stage and the attention of the audience as if she were the only damn person on it.</p><p>It wasn’t the first time he wondered if he had rubbed off on her in that way.</p><p>But as their set came to a close, it was the first night they didn’t end on the song that he had written with her. He had noticed<em> that</em> immediately.</p><p>“We’ve got a few more songs for you, both of them are covers. One you <em>might </em>know, one you will <em>100%</em> know,” V spoke into the microphone, as she looked behind her to Leah.</p><p>V took her guitar off and handed it to a roadie on the other side of the stage, and then she walked over to Leah.</p><p>Leah grinned, and reached behind her drum set and pulled out a guitar.</p><p><em>His</em> fucking guitar.</p><p>“<em>Motherfucker</em>,” Johnny cursed under his breath, a look of surprise that he made no effort to hide. Behind him, he heard Denny laughing her ass off, and Nancy snickering. Kerry was quiet, but he had a smirk on his face. Like he knew V was planning this.</p><p>When he looked at Kerry with a raised eyebrow, and the asshole finally burst into laughter, that cemented it. This was fucking <em>planned</em>.</p><p>He shot them all a glare, as he crossed his arms over his chest and stared at V on stage. Caressing his instrument like it was precious in one moment, and in the next she had a death grip on the neck of it.</p><p>He found himself snickering at the gesture of it. Their relationship in a nutshell.</p><p>“You guys like the guitar I stole?” V continued, as she held his guitar up to the audience. The crowd started going wild, and she grinned. “It will be our secret, right guys?” And she put her finger to her lip, then turning to look at him in the wings, “Shh, don’t tell,” her eyebrow raised, her expression going into a frown for a fraction of a second before she grinned back at the audience.</p><p>His stomach dropped, and for a moment felt a hard pressure on his chest, halting all air from coming to his lungs.  Oh, he fucked up. Knew he fucked up. Needed to fix it.</p><p>But beyond the stage, the crowd cheered, screaming for more.</p><p>They tore into a cover of a rock band he wasn’t so sure how V knew of, being way before her time, as her fingers moved quick and rough over his guitar. She wasn’t gentle as she played, but the song didn’t call for gentle. He knew it well.</p><p>Knew the lyrics even better, so when V started to scream them into the microphone, he waited for the impact.</p><p>There was one thing he had in common with V, had realized it exceedingly early on in their unorthodox companionship: she felt the music as much as he did. She knew which song to listen to for her mood, which lyrics to scream on the top of her lungs until they were sore. There were moments where they could just speak in lyrics, and both be completely understood.</p><p>Right now, on stage, she knew <em>exactly</em> what she was doing.</p><p>He knew the message she was sending, and he was filtering between impressed and pissed off. And possibly a little turned on.</p><p>But the crowd was eating it up; even if they didn’t know the song, they knew that it was heavy enough that they could rock to it.</p><p>V screamed out the last words, and the rest of the band finished the song out incredibly strong. Instead of the song fading out, it shifted immediately into a new song.</p><p>The crowd screamed with approval, a song they <em>absolutely</em> knew. V had been right on that.</p><p>Next to him, Kerry, Nancy, and Denny went from laughing to shocked. <em>This</em>, as far as Johnny could tell, had not been planned.</p><p>They all watched as V and Valiant playing the opening notes of ‘A Like Supreme’. She was playing <em>his</em> song on <em>his </em>guitar, fingers moving as expertly over it as his did, as fast as he did. But there was a different flare to it, as she grinned and let Mitchell sing lead instead of her, opting to take the harmony.</p><p><em>Smart.</em> He wasn’t sure he could actually handle her playing his guitar <em>and</em> singing his lyrics.  Might have needed to interrupt if she did.</p><p>When she got to the point where <em>he</em> usually played a solo, she did the same. But woven in were chords from the song they wrote together. Every single choice she was following through now on stage was on purpose.  </p><p>She was playing him as expertly as she was playing his guitar, and it was taking everything he had not to storm the stage.</p><p>V ran up to Mitchell and they put their backs against each other as they played. V looked to the wings, to Johnny, and she pointed towards him and winked.</p><p>Beyond the stage, the crowd caught the gestured and roared with approval.  Mitchell screamed out the vocals, V jumped in for harmony, and the energy on the stage was unreal. Unlike what he had expected at all.</p><p>The song ended, V letting the last few notes ring out on the guitar, and the crowd cheered. They took their bows, the curtain went down, and they started to get off the stage.</p><p>He slowly uncrossed his arms, letting them fall unceremoniously to his side, watching V head towards him with his guitar in her hand. As she walked over to him, she just raised an eyebrow.</p><p>She pushed his guitar into his chest, and as he grabbed it by the neck, he felt one of the strings was loose. “Broke a string,” she said, <em>grinning</em> like the cat who caught the canary, “might want to fix that before you play tonight.”</p><p>He gave off a sound that should have been an intimidating growl, but he knew it was colored with so much <em>more</em>, that he couldn’t get the words out right. V seemed <em>pleased</em> at his reaction, her lips curling into a knowing smirk.</p><p>V didn’t leave room for him to reply, leaving him shell-shocked and trying to navigate the dangerous emotions he had. As she walked by, she high fived both Nancy and Kerry, before she joined the rest of her band in their dressing room.</p><p>He glared at Kerry, and stormed past the others to restring his guitar before their set.</p><p>Behind him, he could hear Kerry and Nancy mocking him. Kerry put on a faux reporter voice, “Nancy, no one has ever been able to play like Silverhand, let alone <em>better</em> than him. What do you say to that?”</p><p>“Well Kerry,” Nancy’s voice was filled with amusement “I think V played Silverhand <em>very</em> well, in more ways than one.”</p><p>Johnny turned around and flipped them both off, walking away to the sound of roaring laughter behind him.  </p><p>Despite himself, he grinned. Then, an idea formed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>you can most likely guess that i have specific songs in mind for what valiant sings and does covers of, but i'm curious what you guys are picturing in your heads when you read it. throw me your head canons, loves.</p><p><b>edit:</b> this chapter now has lovely fan art that you can see <a href="https://i.imgur.com/XwBCaJ5.jpg">Here</a>! the lovely <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Era_Asha">era_asha</a> is the artist, so give her all the love!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. ; got no patience for old pain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She high fived Kerry and Nancy, pleased as hell that she managed to pull it off without Johnny knowing; the reaction on his face was priceless, and that was something she wasn’t going to forget.</p>
<p>Because <em>yeah,</em> she knew she had to speak to him like an adult. But their relationship hadn’t been like that, <em>ever. </em>If she could pull one over his eyes, play him in a way that he’d play her in the past – she’d consider it a win.</p>
<p>And judging by the laughter of Kerry, Nancy, and Denny, and how Johnny was <em>speechless</em> for once in his damn life, V considered it a very big win.</p>
<p>How he had looked at her as she returned his guitar with such feral desire and annoyance at the same time got under her skin, though. How he still managed to piss her off <em>and</em> turn her on at the same time was infuriating.</p>
<p>But seeing Rogue kiss him…it had sunk her so low that it had taken a ghost from her future to pull her out of it.</p>
<p>So, yeah, she had wanted payback.</p>
<p>Leah and Mitchell both were laughing their asses off at how they managed to pull it off. James didn’t understand <em>why</em> they needed to steal “Silverhand’s axe” to do the songs, but he didn’t seem to be as interested in the warped world of gossip that surrounded both Samurai and Valiant. He was also someone who still referred to a guitar as an “axe”, so V wasn’t 100% sure he understood what was going on most of the time.</p>
<p>But as they always did after a successful set, they all shared in a few rounds of shots, before heading back into the wings with the rest of the band to catch the Samurai set. She let the others head out before her, taking another shot of tequila before running after them.</p>
<p>Her little stunt was known by everyone <em>but</em> Johnny, and she was a little curious if he would retaliate in any way during his set.</p>
<p>Which was why she was taking the third shot. She was actually <em>nervous</em>.</p>
<p>She caught up with the others, Samurai well into their set. Mitchell was talking to James about something that V couldn’t hear. Leah grabbed V by the arm and pulled her close so she could have a better view of the stage.</p>
<p>“Anything yet?” V asked in Leah’s ear, and Leah shook her head.</p>
<p>“You really expecting something?”</p>
<p>“You don’t know him like I do.”</p>
<p>Despite the loud music, she could hear Leah’s tone of annoyance, “Surprised how you even know him at all, V.”</p>
<p>There wasn’t an answer that she could truly give to that, so she didn’t. Her attention went back to the stage once more, and despite any conflicting feelings she had, being able to actually see Samurai in action was something she was glad she could experience. Seeing Johnny in his element, not needing to live it through her own memories, this was better.</p>
<p>The crowd cheered as Johnny grabbed the mic with his organic hand, starting ‘Never Fade Away’. He didn’t look to the wings once during the song, but he didn’t need to.</p>
<p>She noticed his ‘retribution’ almost instantly when he stepped away from the mic. He had held his organic arm up while screaming the lyrics, and she knew her mouth dropped open when she noticed it.</p>
<p>He had opted to uncover his tattoo that matched her own, for all of the Vegas venue to see. In a break in the song, even made the gesture to <em>point</em> to it.</p>
<p>Immediately she felt Leah punch her arm, “V, what—”</p>
<p>Mitchell started laughing, and James just gave out an unimpressed groan.</p>
<p>Leah was still rambling at V, wondering what the hell happened since the tour started that warranted him getting <em>that</em> tattoo.</p>
<p>V just stared straight ahead, eyes wide. Finally, when the song ended and Johnny looked towards the wings at her, he smirked. Her heart lunged uncomfortably in her chest. He managed a look towards her, a raise of an eyebrow over his shades, and a smirk of his lips, but that was it. Something so quick, but she had caught it.</p>
<p>She had set the pieces for the game and thought she had outplayed him.</p>
<p>And per usual, she was wrong.  </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Johnny, what the fuck!” Her fingers lightly touched the raised black lines on her skin, still sore to touch. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His deep laughter announced his presence first, before the visual of him glitching in. “Was wondering when you’d notice that.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“This is…so…” The anger was overwhelming her, and…</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“You wanted to know what I thought of you,” He shrugged, “Don’t overthink it.” And he grinned at her, like he had all of the power and none of the consequences, and glitched away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His words gave her pause, her eyes wide for a moment, a small moment of wonder and then it quickly filtered back to annoyance. “Get your gonk ass back here!” But despite screaming it out, he didn’t appear. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She could, though, feel his laughter in the back of her head. </em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Why the hell it had seemed like a good idea for both bands to share one bus was beyond her; but she wasn’t going to question it – and honestly, she wasn’t ready to face Johnny just yet. So, riding in the bus was her only option, as riding with him like before wasn’t going to go how she wanted it to.</p>
<p>What she <em>wanted</em> was to be a little childish and annoyed at him, angry as she remembered Rogue kissing him. But then Viktor’s words, dumb lovestruck Vik, telling her to just <em>talk</em> to him gave her pause. Vik had always been right about things before. It didn’t matter how much younger and drunker this Vik had been.</p>
<p>But it had also served as yet another reminder that she still didn’t know what she was doing here. In 2020, on the tour, travelling across the NUSA. There were moments where she felt like she could belong here, that she could get used to a life here. Then there were other moments that reminded her that the people she was around already had full lives, and this was their past.</p>
<p>That Johnny had already lived these years and lived through mistakes that she had been certain he was still moving towards no matter the outcome.</p>
<p>And that? <em>That</em> pissed her off more than anything.</p>
<p>But then seeing what he did on stage? <em>That</em> confused her.</p>
<p>The bus was a luxurious oversized double decker, with bunks on both floors. Leah had told her to claim whatever she wanted as her own bunk – it was a 5-hour drive to Phoenix before they checked into the next hotel, and none of them would be doing any sleeping.</p>
<p>She still moved through the bus and up to the second level, tossing her bag and guitar into a bunk in the back. She then went to the front, where there were a few couches, a TV and a radio.</p>
<p>The radio was turned on, and she settled into a couch, pulling out her pack of cigarettes and lighting it as she looked around for some tray. Once she found it, she relaxed into the couch, closed her eyes. Enjoyed the burn of her lungs as she waited for everyone else to get on the bus.</p>
<p>The lower level of the bus slowly started to fill with chatter and laughter, and eventually loud music. She could hear people setting their things down and starting to party – five hours was enough time to work off the adrenaline of a good final show in Vegas, and enough time to start working on their latest hangover.</p>
<p>If anyone came up to drop things off, they’d ask V to come hang downstairs, and she’d keep her eyes closed as she waved them off. “I’ll be down eventually,” she’d say each time, trying to calm her nerves as she worked through her thoughts.</p>
<p>The bus finally started to move, the music muffled from the lower level, as she took another drag from her cigarette. Her elbow rested on the table next to her, and she held her cigarette out as she kept her eyes closed, smoke slowly bellowing out from her lips.</p>
<p>Then, her cigarette was taken out from between her fingers, and she opened her eyes at the motion.</p>
<p>Across from her on the other couch, Johnny put her cigarette to his lips and took a slow drag. She watched as he let the smoke out, and as he did so, the tension in his shoulders seemed to melt away. He set the cigarette down on the tray between them, as he kicked his feet up on the table and tapped his metal fingers against the top of it.</p>
<p>“You stole my guitar,” he said plainly. Staring at her as his fingers tapped against table to the beat of the song playing behind them.</p>
<p>“Your point?” She raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“No one touches her but me.”</p>
<p><em>“</em>Her?” V snorted, and rolled her eyes, “I don’t know, I think maybe she needed to be taken care of by someone who knew how to treat her right.” She shifted on the couch, so she was now fully facing him.</p>
<p>He stayed in his position of lounging, leg up on the table. “Or maybe she has it good and doesn’t realize it.”</p>
<p>“You can be as possessive over her as you want. You always get exactly what you want, Johnny, even when it fucks up someone else.” She reached for the cigarette in the tray, but he snatched it up before she did, taking the final drag of it and putting it out in the tray. He blew the smoke away from her and put his leg down.</p>
<p>His position across from her mirrored hers.</p>
<p>“Know you’re not talkin’ about my guitar now, princess.”</p>
<p>“No, Johnny, I’m fucking not.”</p>
<p>He took his aviators off and tossed them onto the table between them, “Then just fuckin’ <em>talk</em>.”</p>
<p>She sighed, as she rested her hand on her forehead, and looked down at her tattoo on her arm she didn’t bother covering for the rest of the night. Her eyes stayed on that, not looking at him. She could hear him bouncing his leg under the table, his fingers tapping again to the song on the radio, a strong contrast to the heavier music coming from the first level of the bus.</p>
<p>Apparently, she was taking too long because he took out another cigarette and lit it. When she looked back up at him, he took a drag and then passed it to her.</p>
<p>She took the cigarette from his fingers and put it between her lips, silent in the moment before she passed it back and blew the smoke out once she couldn’t hold it in her lungs anymore.</p>
<p>“V, listen, Rogue isn’t—”</p>
<p>“—I ran into Viktor.”</p>
<p>Johnny’s expression changed, his eyebrows furrowing, “What?”</p>
<p>She wrung her hands together over the table, fidgeting. Needing something to pull her focus. “I was in the hallway when Rogue kissed you—”</p>
<p>“—that wasn’t—” but he stopped arguing when she shot him a look.</p>
<p>“and I waited until she was in your room before I went down to the lobby. Ended up in the hotel bar, they were showing a boxing match. I ordered a whiskey, told them to leave the bottle, and the guy next to me asked what my deal was.” She scoffed, “I went to tell him off, and it was Viktor. Young, obviously. I think he’s about your age?” She moved a hand to run through her hair, fingers finding the edges and twisting them between her fingers. “I spent most of the night talking to him and he gave me advice. Had no idea who I was, of course. But…these reminders keep coming.”</p>
<p>She dropped her hand to the table again, “This…I don’t know what I’m doing, Johnny. What <em>we’re</em> doing, and I thought…<em>fuck</em>, I don’t know. Seeing Rogue go into your room, it’s…”</p>
<p>“Don’t fuckin’ want Rogue, V!”</p>
<p>“Listen, what if you’re just <em>supposed</em> to go down the path you already went down?”</p>
<p>Johnny set the cigarette down, “What, fuckin’ get myself killed in ’23? Not planning on it. I don’t fuckin’ want that.” His leg was still bouncing under the table, his eyes staring at her and not willing to look away. “Told you, I don’t get what the fuck is happenin’, but think we should roll with it.”</p>
<p>“Why? Because you have everything you always fucking wanted? Your youth, your career, your--”</p>
<p>“Because for the second time in my fuckin’ life I can <em>breathe</em>,” he snapped back, “Do you ‘member the last time I said I felt that way?”</p>
<p>She cleared her throat, a heat rising in her chest, “When I said I thought I was stupid for falling in love with you.”</p>
<p>His lip quirked up in a small smirk when she spoke. “Done a lot of shit wrong, V. Lied to myself about pretty much everything, never actually thought we’d get the chance we have now. Not gonna throw it away for the past. Not lookin’ to make the same mistakes. Also not sayin’ this, whatever we have, is gonna be easy.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well now we can’t even hide anything since you decided to show that off,” she gestured to his arm.</p>
<p>Johnny rolled his eyes and shifted to get off the couch, only to walk around the table and sit right back down next to her. He sat close, his leg brushing against hers. “Your point?” He asked, an eyebrow raised.</p>
<p>She cleared her throat, her eyes scanning his, “People are going to talk.”</p>
<p>“Again, your point?”</p>
<p>“And you don’t give a shit about that?”</p>
<p>“Might’ve, if I was the man I was before.”</p>
<p>“And now? Rockerboy wants to be tied down?” She let out a burst of laughter, “Find that fucking hard to believe.”</p>
<p>“Right <em>now</em>, I want to fuck you where everyone can watch,” he grinned, and she reacted by letting out a sound she had been trying to keep down. “Can figure the rest out later.”</p>
<p>“That’s not fair,” She groaned, as she leaned into him, and his eyes fell to her lips, his arm wrapping around her.</p>
<p>“I don’t give a fuck about fair,” he growled back, before capturing her mouth with his in a bruising and relentless kiss. His hands moved to her waist, moving up under her shirt, and she arched against the touch of his hands on her.</p>
<p>“Fuck you,” she muttered against his lips, causing him to chuckle, as she shifted to get into his lap. He eagerly tried to help pull her onto him, when something hit both of them on their sides.</p>
<p>“Yo, horny fuckers!”</p>
<p>The kiss broke roughly, as they both turned to angerly look at the offender. Kerry, grinning like an asshole, and next to him Mitchell, both armed with various objects from downstairs.</p>
<p>They were hit with a pillow. One that V very promptly grabbed and shifted off of Johnny’s lap and smacked Kerry upside the head with it.</p>
<p>“Hey!” Kerry ducked, laughing, “We have four more hours on this bus, don’t want to listen to you two fuck!”</p>
<p>“But it was fine makin’ me listen to two you last night?” Johnny replied with his voice dripping with annoyance. V switched from smacking Kerry with the pillow to attacking Mitchell, who kept tripping over himself trying to get away. He cackled with laughter.</p>
<p>“V! <em>Stop it</em>!”</p>
<p>“Nope, gonna kill you, we’re gonna be a one guitar band!”</p>
<p>Mitchell took off down the stairs, and V took off after him, hearing Johnny roar with laughter and yell behind her, “V, get your ass back here!”</p>
<p>“Murder now, fucking later!”  </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Can feel your nerves are fried, V,” he says to her in her ear, and she jumps. By now, she should know when he’s about to come around, she should hear the familiar sound of him glitching into view. But she was too much in her head. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her hand went to her heart immediately, “Fuck, Johnny. Give me a warning.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He raised an eyebrow, “You don’t usually need one.” The silence between them feels heavy, the wind from the ocean playing against her skin. Behind them, is her guitar and his glitching next to hers. She’s taken her shoes off, to feel the sand between her toes since the water is too toxic to stand in. “And your mind is going crazy. Gonna tell me what you’re thinkin’?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Don’t want to just read my thoughts?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Asked me not to anymore. So, I don’t.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She sighed, putting her hands at her side as she dug her toes into the sand. “Just thinking I might be a little stupid.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“For?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She cleared her throat and looked up at him. His aviators were gone, his bullet proof vest was nowhere to be seen. She realized that he too had his boots off, also barefoot in the sand. Her lip quirked up in a small smile. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Falling in love with you.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His reaction was quick, as she felt him on her, kissing her with the need she could feel building in both of them. She could feel his fingers in her hair, hand resting at the base of her neck to pull her closer to him, and she returned the kiss in kind. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When the kiss broke because her lungs were burning for the need of air, he tenderly set the strands of her hair away from her face. There was a smile, a genuine smile on his face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What’s the smile for?” She asked, but could feel his reaction, what he was thinking. The constant buzzing of his mind comforting in the chaos of hers. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Feelin’ like I can finally breathe,” he replied, before pulling her back for another kiss.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>full heads up...next chapter is....<i>light</i> on plot. ahem.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. ; no one here likes to fight me like you do (NSFW)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>¯\_(ツ)_/¯ plot? we don't know her.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“There was one good thing about that venue,” he says, staring back at her with a grin. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What’s that?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Best pussy I ever ate.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She raises an eyebrow, “oh is that so?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He smirks, “Before you, yeah.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Much better answer.” </em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>By the time they got to Phoenix, it was the early hours of the morning.</p>
<p>They were all also incredibly drunk or high on <em>something</em>, that it was any damn wonder they even made it into the hotel at all.</p>
<p>But that was what roadies and managers were for. Pass out the room keys, push the intoxicated musicians up to their floor of rooms, and wipe their hands clean of it.</p>
<p>What happened <em>then</em> would be up to the intoxicated musicians wandering in and out of rooms, not exactly sure whose room was whose, but not exactly caring at the moment. Trouble for another time.</p>
<p>Not for now, when the closer it became to finally being <em>alone</em> with her, the more Johnny was reaching for her. Bolder in his gestures towards her, pulling her away from others to tease her – both of them just teasing, keeping the engines running, and now he was certain that he was going to lose his damn mind if he didn’t have her soon.</p>
<p>One of their key cards worked on a room finally, but he wasn’t sure whose it was. He wasn’t sure he gave a fuck.</p>
<p>The moment the door shut, he felt her shoving him against the door, immediately going for his shirt. She took his bottom lip in between her teeth and <em>pulled</em>, as he felt her nails scrape down his shirt, catching on the fabric. “Don’t fuckin’ tear this shirt,” he cursed out, though it came out as more of a groan, and her dark laugh came shortly after.</p>
<p>“Too fucking late,” as her fingers caught just the right hole in his shirt and with both hands, she tore it open and then immediately raked her nails down his bare chest.</p>
<p>V took a step back from Johnny then, taking off her own shirt and tossing to the side, as he fumbled with his belt to get out of his fucking clothes he was suddenly wearing too fucking much of.</p>
<p><em>Was easier when the fucking things glitched away, </em>and he heard V laugh.</p>
<p>“I heard that,” And she was reaching for him again, mouth on his in a fiery kiss, before she shoved him back with a laugh. He stumbled back, a lamp being knocked to the ground to the ground and shattering.</p>
<p>The sound took them out of the moment only slightly, until his eyes met hers, the same devious look on their faces.</p>
<p>His arms were quick around her then as he slammed her against the nearest wall, the painting hanging up falling to the ground at the contact, and she writhed between him and the wall him as he assaulted her neck with his mouth. Marks rough enough that they’d last days, and when she raked her nails down his back to scratch him, he bit her neck.</p>
<p>“O-oh, <em>fuck</em>,” She gasped out, and he growled against her neck, biting at her shoulders before he felt her hand in his hair, pulling his head back roughly.</p>
<p>He hissed at the pulling of his hair and backed away from her. She let out a small whine at him stepping away, which only caused him to smirk, as he finally discarded the rest of his clothing and she did the same.</p>
<p>And it was like a blur again, her lunging at him as he stumbled backwards. An arm was wrapped around her as the back of his legs hit the edge of the bed and he fell onto it with her on him.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure what was better; the fact that they were completely trashing the hotel room, or if he was doing it while she was naked and the best fucking sight he had ever seen.</p>
<p>But the thought didn’t quite finish as he felt her hot mouth around him, sucking him and looking up at him from her position as if she was looking for <em>approval</em>. “You look good suckin’ my cock,” He growled, his hand snaking into her hair, and she hummed around him when she had said that the sensation causing his hips to buckle.</p>
<p>Sex shouldn’t feel this good; it was almost impossible for it to feel this good. With anyone else, this wouldn’t have made sense. But with V, she was a fucking <em>drug</em> and he was 100% an addict, because why the fuck would he want anything other than her?</p>
<p>He could feel himself get close and he pulled on her hair, to get her off him, because he wasn’t going to finish like this. He needed to be inside her, feel her tight around him, losing himself in her.</p>
<p>“I need—” she begged him, as she moved up to him, and he kissed her roughly, dipping his fingers deep into her core.</p>
<p>“So fuckin’ wet for me,” he growled against her lips, as he slid another finger inside and she moaned at the stretch.</p>
<p>She moved against his hand then, wanting more friction, wanting to fuck herself on his hand, and he let her. Arching his fingers to make her cry out, her words coming out a jumbled mess of sounds he wasn’t sure were even real. But with every passing minute that she got close, he could feel it keeping <em>him</em> close.</p>
<p>Whatever the fuck had made them still connected in their heads kept them still connected <em>now, </em>and it was starting to overwhelm him.</p>
<p>V seemed to have the same thought as she pushed herself off his hand, and he wiped his hand down her thigh. She pushed against him, while he was trying to pull her onto his lap, and they lost their positioning.</p>
<p>Alcohol and fast movements meant they fell from the bed almost too easily, as both tried to grab something of purchase as if it would help them <em>not</em> fall to the floor. They ended up there anyway.</p>
<p>He landed hard on his back with a burst of air escaping him roughly, the sheets they had grabbed to falling off the bed with them. But she left no time for any other reaction as she moved to be on top of him again, and wrapped her hand around his cock, pumping him in long strokes. “Fuck, <em>Renee,” </em>his metal fingers digging into her hip, and she hissed at the sensation, “Need to fuck you,” he growled, and her agreement was another rough kiss, and her nails scratching down his chest.</p>
<p>He guided her over him, and she lined him up, before she sunk down on him. He watched as she arched back in pleasure at the sensation, and as she did, he <em>felt</em> what she felt. Like they were still one mind, and his metal fingers dug hard into her hip as she started to ride him at a punishing pace.</p>
<p>They fucked each other hard, the faster their rhythm the harder he could feel everything building up, everything becoming cloudy. When he couldn’t take the position anymore, he sat up and flipped them, her back landing on the floor with his hand behind her head to cushion it. And from this position, he fucked her into the floor, the pace quickly becoming chaotic.</p>
<p>“<em>Harder</em>, Johnny, please<em>,” </em>She cried out, and as she tried to reach for him, he grabbed her wrists with his metal hand and pinned them above her head.</p>
<p>“<em>Mine,</em> you hear me?” He panted out, fucking into her, her singing out sinfully below him.</p>
<p>“<em>Yours</em>, god, fuck, oh god I’m gonna—” She didn’t have to finish her thought, because he felt it. He felt her desire crescendo with his, blending like a fucking melody he wished he had the forethought to record, as she came around him hard. She arched up against him, struggling against his hold his hand on her wrists, and he kissed against her neck as he cursed out her name just as loudly.</p>
<p>He shuddered against her, lowering his head to her shoulder, feeling her arms wrap around him. They stayed that way for a moment before he removed himself from her, and she let out a groan almost of disapproval as he did so.</p>
<p>He fell to the floor next to her, and she turned to look at him with a grin. “If everyone didn’t know something was going on before,” she laughed. “They sure as fuck do now.”</p>
<p>“Mmhm. Don’t care,” he replied with a raised eyebrow, “let them know.”</p>
<p>V shifted, leaning on her elbow as she looked him over, and he felt her fingers touching his neck. She ran a finger over a softer spot, and he hissed a little with a grin.</p>
<p>She slowly stood up then and held out her hand for him to take. She didn’t speak, but only raised an eyebrow and gestured to the shower.</p>
<p>Eagerly, he got up and followed her.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Back to plot next update :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. ; you're safe in my mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She hums in her sleep.</p>
<p>It’s one of the first things he had noticed when he was with her in 2077; he would wake up to her humming some song that he didn’t know; music in ’77 infuriating him beyond his comprehension. Soon, it turned into him trying to sing a song in her head, to see if she’d hum that when she woke up.</p>
<p>When woke up one morning humming ‘Chippin’ In’ and then <em>realized</em> it, he had roared with laughter at how frustrated she was.</p>
<p>Now, he was woken up to her humming a different song, something he didn’t know. She doesn’t quite wake up, shifting in the bed and stretching up against his side. She curls into him like he’s always just <em>been there</em>, like this is a very normal and natural occurrence for them and it hits him that in a way, it <em>was</em>.</p>
<p>Once they had admitted they were stupidly in love with each other (<em>“Who the fuck falls in love with an engram, V?” “Who the fuck falls in love with a dead girl, J?”)</em> there had been an easy routine set. He still fucked with her while she was on gigs of course, and frustrated her until she couldn’t think straight, but it only meant they took it out on each other in more <em>creative</em> ways when they returned to her apartment.</p>
<p>And every night, despite the fact that he could have just glitched away when she slept, he didn’t. He stayed next to her, for as long as her mind would let him, and would be there just as she started to wake up.</p>
<p>This was different.</p>
<p>He hadn’t felt the pull for him to disappear when she fell into a deep sleep, and he hadn’t felt the push to appear when she started to stir. He just <em>was</em>, and that was one of the best developments out of any of this.</p>
<p>Other than the raging hangover, aversion to light he had, and the fact that if he moved, he felt he might fall to the floor.</p>
<p>Other than <em>that</em>, he was fantastic.</p>
<p>She sighed against him, her hand sliding up his chest, as she mutters, “I can hear you thinking,” against his chest.</p>
<p>“No, you can’t,” he says, with a raised eyebrow.</p>
<p>“You were thinking you were gonna fall to the floor. We did that already,” her voice is riddled with sleep, not fully awake, but starting to get there.</p>
<p>He idly runs his hand up and down her arm, as he turns to look at her, “Guess we did,” he smirks. Thinks that maybe if he wrapped his arms around her and –</p>
<p>“No, I am not moving, stop thinking Johnny.”</p>
<p>He chuckled, and pulled her closer to him, deciding that sleeping off the hangover might be better than doing anything else. Her agreement to his thoughts was her getting comfortable against him, resting a leg over his.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes, but it was short lived.</p>
<p>Pounding on the hotel room door started, and wouldn’t stop, a voice yelling about bags on the other side of the door. Another voice yelling that it was time to get the fuck up.</p>
<p>V pouted, hiding her face into the nook of his neck, groaning at the thought of getting up.</p>
<p>“Stay here, princess, I’ll get the damn bags,” he faked annoyance, but honestly, didn’t give a fuck.</p>
<p>First time since waking up in 2020, since they found each other again, that he hadn’t left in the early morning. Hadn’t snuck out, hadn’t wanted to. Hadn’t needed to.</p>
<p>He opened the door to Kerry and Leah; Leah took one look at him and immediately blushed, where Kerry just raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>, Johnny, it’s 2PM. Put some fucking clothes on, let’s go, we’re late.”</p>
<p>Johnny raised an eyebrow in return, and instead of moving from the doorway, he leaned against it, and crossed his arms over his bare chest, and smirked. “Late for what?”</p>
<p>Leah had backed away from the door, her hand shielding her eyes, though he noticed that she kept peeking at him through her fingers. “Party. Tell V I’m borrowing her dress.”</p>
<p>From inside the room, V yelled out, “Fuck <em>off</em>, Leah!”</p>
<p>He bent down to pick up the bags, and pulled them into the room, standing back up, “We’ll be out when we’re well and ready to be.”</p>
<p>He shut the door before Kerry can protest more – it’s a song and dance they’ve done for years and making them wait another hour isn’t going to harm anyone.</p>
<p>As he turns around to talk to V, instead he sees her lounging on the bed with the sheets back, her fingers out in a come-hither motion, devious smirk on her lips.</p>
<p>They end up making everyone else wait two more hours instead of one.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Your turn,” he drones, flicking ash away from his cigarette. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“For what?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Worst part of being a musician.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She laughs, “Can I even call myself one? Don’t got a band, don’t got—”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Seen you play, V. You’re one,” He took another drag of his cigarette, “So fuckin’ answer.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her eyes roll, as she taps her fingers against her guitar. “Think I’d like to steal an answer from you.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Like?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She shifts on the couch, “Screaming into a mic, getting all the anger out, and not feeling any better. Playing to an audience of too many, or an audience of not enough.” She pauses for a beat. “I also imagine the industry parties fucking sucked.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He snickered at that, “No worse than those corpo things you used to go to,” he shrugged before manifesting his own guitar to play with her.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The <em>one</em> good thing about industry parties was that no one expected him to dress fancy. He could wear whatever the fuck he normally wore, and people wouldn’t think twice about it. He made an <em>attempt</em> but there wasn’t a lot of heart in it. At least he showered, which was more than he usually did for these events.</p>
<p>V though, was a completely different story.</p>
<p>She wore a tight dress that didn’t really leave much to the imagination, and her hair was spiked up high, the shaved sides more defined. Heels accenting her legs for <em>days</em>, and he had to stop himself from keeping her in the hotel room with him.</p>
<p>And he had fucking <em>tried</em>.</p>
<p>Instead, she was on the other side of the venue, talking up some music executive he didn’t know the name of, playing along so <em>nicely</em>.</p>
<p>Sometimes, he forgot that she used to be a corpo. But it explained why she was so comfortable in a setting like this. She could bullshit with the rest of them, a killer smile on her face, and they’d never know she was also plotting seven different ways to kill them.</p>
<p><em>Fuck</em>, he loved her.</p>
<p>The event was in a club that had been rented out. Local musicians from Phoenix were filtering in and out, mixed in with other big names that Johnny knew he was <em>supposed</em> to remember, but didn’t give a fuck about. They were here because they were contracted to be – he’d rather just play a show and get the fuck out of there, far better things to do now that whatever this situation had started to settle. Get on with the tour, finally <em>enjoy</em> his life for the third chance that he had.</p>
<p>Behind him, up on the stage where instruments were set up, the Valiant manager takes the stage. She introduces herself, though Johnny doesn’t listen to her name. “We’ve got a treat for you, as Valiant has agreed to play a song or two for us!”</p>
<p>Cheers rise up in the venue, as Johnny watches V look up from her conversation with the executive to her manager with a raised eyebrow. He knows that look.</p>
<p>Once again, managers didn’t speak to their clients. He remembered why he hated them so much.</p>
<p>Her band makes it to the stage before she does, and as she walks past him, he catches her arm. “Don’t gotta play if you don’t want to. Not your monkey—”</p>
<p>“not my circus,” she finishes, with a grin, one he easily returns. “I know. I want to.” Her eyes look down to his lips for a moment, though she doesn’t move to act on it. “Pay attention.”</p>
<p>She leaves, as he raises an eyebrow watching her go to the stage. He takes a few steps back, managing to stand with his hands in his pockets next to Kerry and Nancy, with Denny on the other side of Kerry.</p>
<p>“They know they don’t gotta dance for these folks, right?” Nancy asks, and he nods.</p>
<p>“Said she wanted to,” He gestures with his head towards V, “so let’s see what they do.”</p>
<p>Valiant takes the stage, and he watches with a soft smirk as V takes the microphone. </p>
<p>“Want to try a new one, if you guys don’t mind?” The small crowd cheers in response, and V turns to her band, quietly saying something before she walks back to the microphone.</p>
<p>Then they start the song, one he doesn’t know. V isn’t playing her guitar, she’s just the songstress, as the rest of the band plays. She sways in front of the microphone as she sings, her eyes closing.</p>
<p>
  <em>Give me something for the one thing we immortalized. </em>
</p>
<p>The song isn’t one that they’ve played on the tour; he realizes that they’ve most likely picked songs to play on tour that more fits the sound that the audience expects to hear. And this song is <em>not</em> that, in the slightest. But it dawns on him; this is the song she was humming when she woke up.</p>
<p>And he was finally hearing it <em>now</em>, for the first time.</p>
<p>His eyes scanned the crowd, as he trying to figure out the reaction. Most of the industry heads were really enjoying it. Some local musicians were confused, having only heard what Valiant was playing on the tour. Next to him, Kerry was staring at the stage, and it wasn’t hard for Johnny to find Kerry’s eyes going to Mitchell.</p>
<p>This wasn’t how their reunion tour had gone before. Everything was changing, and he was picking up on the small moments more and more.</p>
<p>Johnny’s eyes went back to V, as she swayed to the music. Her eyes stayed closed as she sang out emotionally, seeming to lose herself to the music. Once more acting as if this were the role she was born to play, the life she was born to lead.</p>
<p>If all the world was a stage, then she was the ruler of it all. An idiot could see that.</p>
<p>But as she continued to sing, her eyes opened to find his immediately.</p>
<p>
  <em>You’re safe in my mind, some antiquated tune. </em>
</p>
<p>He swallows hard, an uncomfortable lunge in his chest that he doesn’t want to explore in public, but knows he’ll be more than willing to when they’re alone.</p>
<p>She’s not looking at anyone else while she sings, singing directly to him and <em>only</em> him. As before when she played his guitar, she knew exactly what she was doing. Every word sung on that stage was a <em>choice</em>.</p>
<p>Even down to what she was wearing, was a choice. Her tattoo uncovered, just as his was now, for the industry vultures to see and read into.</p>
<p>He smirked at that. Screamsheets would have a field day.</p>
<p>The rest of the band was blending so perfectly, a song that they must have written together. The chemistry of the four of them reminded Johnny of what Samurai had before they made it big. Before the bullshit and chaos, the drama that ended up breaking them up years ago.</p>
<p>Those around him start to notice that she’s singing directly to <em>him</em>. There are whispers around him, but he doesn’t care.</p>
<p>
  <em>I remember the beat and the sound of the bass when you played all alone.</em>
</p>
<p>The song draws to a close, and the crowd erupts in applause, with someone in the back yelling for one more. V seems to shake herself out of her trance, and grins, eagerly agreeing. A quick chat with the band, and they’re playing another song. One of their heavier ones, one of the ones they’ve played regularly on the tour.</p>
<p>She’s not singing at him this time; she doesn’t have to. She’s already made her point, and he’s already planning ways on getting her back for it later.</p>
<p>People are dancing to the song around him, but he takes the opportunity to go to the bar.</p>
<p>“Whiskey, neat,” he orders, and rattles off his own drink order to the bartender, as he leans against the counter. Once Valiant finishes their second song and get off the stage, his eyes meet with V’s.</p>
<p>He raises both of the glasses, as a gesture for her to come over, and with a smile she does.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“If we were alive at the same time, do you think you’d share the stage?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Depends. This a music thing? Or a sex thing?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“If I said both, would your answer be the same?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Most likely.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then both.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Yes.”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A little bit of a heads up, after Chapter 14 I am taking a little bit of a hiatus, so the rest of this can be written. Thanks for understanding, gang.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. ; all dressed up to catch a glimpse of the list</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Reminder that after this chapter, this will be on hiatus for a bit!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the industry party is still going, but she doesn’t want to do the song and dance for the executives anymore. It reminds her of the bullshit she used to do for Arasaka, and knowing what she knows now, it’s not something she’s eager to sink her teeth into.</p>
<p>What she <em>is</em> eager about, is waiting for her at the bar, a drink for both of them.</p>
<p>She walks to the bar, a smirk to her lips as she greets him, “For me?”</p>
<p>He just chuckles, handing her the glass of whiskey. She recognizes the drink in his hand, and she raises an eyebrow, “Please tell me you didn’t call it a ‘Silverhand’ when you ordered it.”</p>
<p>“Not at Afterlife, so no. Also,” he leaned in, “haven’t actually died yet.”</p>
<p>Her eyebrow raises at the word choice, “Yet? Still planning on it?”</p>
<p>He huffs out a laugh, “Fuck, no. Not fuckin’ close.”</p>
<p>“Good,” she replies, finally raising the glass to her lips and taking a long drink from the glass. The whiskey burns as it goes down, and she lets out a little satisfied sound. She feels his eyes on her as she does it, and when she brings her eyes back to his, she recognizes the look behind them.</p>
<p>Johnny stays where he is, leaning on the bar, though she can see his fingers twitching at his side. She takes a step closer to him, to appear to have them both in close conversation. But she doesn’t reach for him, and he doesn’t reach for her. “Vultures don’t deserve a show,” he says before downing his drink and setting it down on the bar. “But fuck, you’re making it kind of hard not to give them one.”</p>
<p>“Kind of the point, isn’t it?” She asks, “Give them a show? Isn’t that why we’re here, put on a little song and dance?” She raises her eyebrow at that, and on the bar, she lets her hand rest over his.</p>
<p>His eyebrow quirked up, a smirk playing on his lips, “Demon woman.”</p>
<p>“You like it.”</p>
<p>“Nah. <em>Love</em> it.”</p>
<p>“And the fucking sap returns.”</p>
<p>He snickers at that, “Got a rep, don’t fuck it up.”</p>
<p>She grins, taking a step close to him, her leg brushing against his. His hand goes to her hip, but there is still a distance between them. If anyone in the crowd had noticed how the leaders of the two bands started to gravitate towards each other, nothing has been said. “I think you’re capable of fucking that one up all on your own.”</p>
<p>V takes the glass of whiskey into her hand again as she takes another drink, and Johnny waves the bartender over for another drink for himself. “How does this compare?” V asked, “To when this party <em>really</em> happened before?”</p>
<p>“Don’t think this isn’t happenin’ now?”</p>
<p>“You know what I mean,” she rolled her eyes.</p>
<p>The bartender came back over with Johnny’s drink and set it down in front of him. Johnny wrapped his hand around it and took a drink, as his hand on her hip was inching lower towards the shorter hem of her dress. “For starters, didn’t have a temptress singin’ directly at me,” he raised an eyebrow. “There wasn’t a performance at all. We never played these gigs, because the last time we did…fuck, let’s see.” He took another drink, “Kerry kicked someone’s face in, Nancy broke a guy’s arm for grabbing her ass, Denny shoved her drum stick into someone’s eye, Henry broke his bass over some woman’s back, and I broke a few bones.”</p>
<p>“At the <em>last</em> one?” V laughed, “Did you break someone else’s bones? Or your own?”</p>
<p>He raised his glass and smirked, “Yes.” As he took a drink and set the glass back down, he pulled her close against him, his hand sliding down to rest on her ass. His hand gave her a squeeze that caused her to yelp a little, and he grinned wildly. “Was gonna wait until we were alone but thinkin’ I can’t wait that long.”</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>, Johnny,” she mutters, and he leaned in to put his lips against her ear.</p>
<p>“That’s the idea, princess. Want to make you scream my name so loudly, these fuckers know who you belong to,” his voice was rough against her ear, and she inhaled sharply. She felt his hand slip into hers and pull her around the corner.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s on the roof with Takemura, doing reconnaissance on the complex. Easily falling back into conversation with him about their past Arasaka lives, but she can tell it’s driving Johnny crazy that she’s getting along with him so well. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There’s a surge of jealousy that she feels coming off him. If it was possible for him to change a different color, he’d be bright fiery red. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Takemura decides to sit down, closing his eyes for a moment as V takes the second watch standing up at the railing. It’s when Johnny decides to appear behind her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She feels his breath rough on her ear, feels his hand move around to her front and slip under the waistband of her pants. “Think you’re capable of being quiet, Renee?” He asks her, as if his fingers aren’t already moving inside her, as if she’s not already trying not to gasp out loud. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, I don’t know if you can,” Johnny says, as he starts to slide his hand away, but she grabs him by the wrist and glares. He chuckles roughly, and she doesn’t have to see his face to know he’s amused at this. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He presses his lips to her neck and bites, as his hand slides down again and she finds herself getting properly fucked right next to Takemura, who is none the wiser…as long as she keeps her mouth shut.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It doesn’t take long for them to break into the club manager’s office, and when they do and the door is shut behind them, Johnny immediately pushes her to the desk and roughly shoves her dress up to her hips.</p>
<p>The impact of her on the desk knocks pretty much everything to the floor, and anything that wasn’t knocked over, V shoves out of the way anyway. She moves herself to the edge of the desk as she goes for his buckle of his belt when he realizes her surprise.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>, V,” he growls, his eyes heavy and dark with desire as his fingers dance over her bare skin and rubs his thumb against her. “No panties?”</p>
<p>She gasps at the contact, bucking forward, getting his belt undone and fumbling with his buttons. “Had a feeling you might—” she moaned out as he roughly pushed his fingers in without warning, his other arm tight around her waist, “have the same idea that I—<em>oh god</em>.”</p>
<p>“Been plannin’ this?” He replies gruffly as he keeps pumping his fingers into her, and she keeps losing her focus on his pants. “Fuckin’ minx. Was right, you’re a <em>demon woman</em>,” he says but when her hand finally gets under his pants, where she finds nothing between him and her hand, she grins.</p>
<p>“You’ve been planning this too,” as her fingers wrap around him. He groans at the touch, as she pumps him under his open pants, and his fingers in her stall only for a moment before he pulls out and steps back from her.</p>
<p>He undoes the rest of his pants and just shove them down his legs and reaches for her again quickly as he shoves her dress up higher and pulls her towards him.</p>
<p>She angles herself so her ass is hanging off the desk, and her hands are gripping the side of it tightly, her other hand firm into his bicep. He slams into her without warning, punishing and unrelenting, the burn of him stretching her rapidly causing her to scream out in pleasure.</p>
<p>The desk keeps slamming into the wall behind her as he fucks her, takes her exactly how he wants her, exactly how <em>she</em> wants him. A quick and dirty fuck, that she knows is only going to serve as an appetizer for what could come later.</p>
<p>She grabs him by the hair and pulls him into her and kisses him hard enough to know she’s going to leave a mark. His fingers hurt as they dig into her waist deliciously, and she can tell she’s already losing control of the situation.</p>
<p>He’s swearing, panting, every damn sound out of his mouth is a <em>sin</em> that she wants to hear over and over again.</p>
<p>He picks up the pace, can tell that he’s close, and so is she. She lets go of his bicep and slips her finger to her clit, helping her orgasm to build and build. The kiss breaks roughly, and he assaults her neck, biting on her shoulder just as he climaxes, and the sensation makes her scream out and go almost right after her. But he only slows his pace a little, still fucking her through her climax, as she can feel an aftershock building already.</p>
<p>When she comes for the second time, she actually cries a little at the sensation, vision blurry as he kisses her though it.</p>
<p>After, as he steps back, pulls his pants back up, and she jumps off the desk to fix her dress, there’s a moment they just look at each other before they start laughing. His hands are on either side of her cheeks as he kisses her again, and against it she smirks. “So that was just the appetizer, right?”</p>
<p>He barks out a laugh, hands moving down her sides to smooth out her dress, but she can tell it’s really to just get his hands on her again.</p>
<p>When they finally join the rest of the party, his metal arm is around her shoulders. He’s whispering dirty nonsense into her ear, making her laugh uncontrollably. Her arm is snaked around his middle, and she easily leans into him.</p>
<p>There’s no mistaking what they’ve done, and when Leah comes across them as they all start to leave the venue, the drummer glares.</p>
<p>V catches the look and goes to say something, but Johnny’s response is to bite V’s shoulder and then kiss it before he walks ahead of them to the limo. V’s blush says it all, and she doesn’t bother blubbering out words to Leah, only moving to catch up with Johnny.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>When she gets back to the apartment, he glitches in front of her and she literally cannot take this damn desire anymore. She lunges at him, shoving him against the wall hard, her hands immediately at his throat. His eyes go dark immediately, lips part as he gasps out, but it comes out more as a moan. Her grip loosens as she raises an eyebrow and grins. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Need to pay you back,” she says, “for earlier.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her hand starts to slide away from his neck, but he grabs her wrist and brings her hand back, raising an eyebrow towards her. “What are you waitin’ for?”</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They arrive back at the hotel, and all of them make it for the bar – musicians on edge from prancing around in fancy clothes just begging for any sort of release. Nancy orders a round for everyone; no one bitches that she just got them all the same beer despite what they had been drinking all night.</p>
<p>Johnny’s arm is around her shoulders, he leans on her as they drink, his lips are to her ear. She feels him grin, as he shifts behind her, his arm slipping from her shoulders to down her arm.</p>
<p>“Gonna go out for a smoke. After, carryin’ you upstairs over my damn fuckin’ shoulder if I have to,” he says, a rough kiss placed on her lips after in front of everyone. The look on his face after matches the look on hers; dumbstruck, lovestruck, desired.</p>
<p>He disappeared outside then, and she brought her attention to the others, trying to ignore the blush on her cheeks and the amused look from Kerry.</p>
<p>But when twenty minutes had passed, and Johnny hadn’t returned, she excused herself to try to find him.</p>
<p>When she stepped outside the hotel lobby doors, he was nowhere to be found.</p>
<p>On the pavement in front of her were his aviators, broken. A cigarette unfinished, the rest of the pack on the ground.</p>
<p>Drops of blood.</p>
<p>Her heart immediately went into her throat, as she searched around but saw nothing, until her eyes landed on the tire tracks – a quick escape made before anyone could catch on.</p>
<p>V turned around full speed into the hotel, screaming for help.</p>
<p>Johnny was gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Enjoy that little end to think on while this story is on hiatus :) </p>
<p>As always, thank you all so much for reading and for all your comments! Be kind to each other, friends.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. ; keep one eye on the door, keep one eye on the bag</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“V?”</p><p>Kerry’s voice is filled with concern, as she storms into the lobby like she’s scorching the Earth behind her. She’s sobered up almost immediately from the fear; she knows a kidnapping when she sees one.</p><p>“He’s gone,” she says as she storms towards the others, and the music is immediately cut.</p><p>“The fuck you mean he’s <em>gone?” </em>Kerry snaps back</p><p>“Exactly what I fucking said, Kerry!” She holds up Johnny’s broken aviators, specks of blood on them. “Blood on the pavement outside, tire tracks of a getaway, he’s fucking <em>gone.</em>” She tosses Kerry the broken aviators and starts towards the elevators, as Kerry grabs her arm.</p><p>“What do we do?”</p><p>“I’m going after him,” she says plainly. “I’ve got the optics to track the movements of the vehicle, I can follow the clues.”</p><p>“V, what? Do you even know how to shoot a gun?”</p><p>His question stops her, as she snatches his arm back. “Yes,” She says, anger in her voice, but it’s not towards Kerry. “Like it’s my damn job, I’m a—” and she stops herself again. She can’t say she’s a merc, because here, <em>she’s not</em>. She’s Renee Vallance, musician and smooth talker, not V the rising solo of Night City. She clears her throat. “I need your gun.”</p><p>Kerry scoffs, “My gun? I don’t own a gun. And you can’t just go off alone, we should call—”</p><p>“You have a Malorian Arms Overture, one of the first ever made, named after a song you were writing with Johnny,” though she leaves off that it’s what they play in front of Arasaka Tower in ’23. Because it hasn’t happened. V feels her entire body vibrating in frustration as she continues harshly, “You got the gun with Johnny, because you wanted protection from crazed up psycho fans, but also because you thought it’d be fucking badass and fit your punk rock image that you’re so <em>desperate</em> to fill.”</p><p>She starts repeating the words a <em>future</em> Kerry tells her back at him, “But you’ve never fucking <em>shot </em>the gun, because <em>you</em> don’t know <em>how</em> to shoot a fucking gun, you just wave it around like a fucking gonk so it makes you look good when you get laid.” Her eyes narrow, “I know you have the fucking gun. <em>Give it to me</em>.” Her hand extended out with her palm facing up, as she makes a gesture with her fingers for him to hand it over.</p><p>But he doesn’t.</p><p>Kerry’s eyes go wide, but she doesn’t stick around to wait for him as she heads back to the elevators. She at least knows that Johnny’s gun is in their room, and she can get that. The others are left behind as she storms off, and she hears Kerry run after her. “How the fuck you know that? Johnny tell you?”</p><p>“No, Kerry, <em>you</em> fucking did, and I’m not looking to play twenty fucking questions right now,” she hisses back, as she punches the elevator, and the doors open. She steps inside, Kerry following her. If he’s questioning when he told her all of that, he doesn’t say anything.</p><p>“It’s in my room, in my suitcase,” he says, “But I’m coming with you.”</p><p>“No,” V shakes her head, “absolutely not.”</p><p>“He’s my best friend! And you’re going to need—”</p><p>“—you don’t know how to fucking shoot a gun, Kerry! You’re just gonna get in my way.” Her voice is fire and brimstone, and in the corner of her eye, she sees Kerry’s features shift from angry to upset in a blink of an eye.</p><p>She closes her eyes and inhales deeply. She knows what her reaction might have looked like, she knows that right now Kerry must be seeing images of that good ol’ Silverhand temper mixed in with her own that hasn’t always done her any good. A heavy sigh escapes her lips as the doors open to their floor. She opens her eyes, lets Kerry get out before her.</p><p>“<em>Fuck</em>. Kerry, I’m sorry, I’m just…scared. Alright? There’s a ton that Johnny and I haven’t told you, about how connected we are and…it’s just really important to me that you don’t get caught in whatever this could be.” She swallows hard, features softened, “I’m sorry.”</p><p>Kerry shrugs, waving her off, “Please. V, you’re fine. Heard far worse from people worse off than you. I get it. But I want to try to help. In any way I can.”</p><p>She nods, “Go get your gun and your bullets, alright? I’m going to get what I need. Wanna help? Find me a bike. Or something, don’t give a fuck what it is, just need a ride.”</p><p>He nods, “Can do that.” He goes towards his hotel room to get what she’s asked for, and she disappears down the hallway to her shared room with Johnny.</p><p>She dresses in more practical clothing. She grabs his 3516, checking the chamber and loading it when she finds it empty. She knows where he keeps the ammo, she knows where he keeps his extra weapons just in case.</p><p>V grabs whatever she can find, ending up with some MaxDocs and more ammo. Grabs his holster and pulls it around her hips, puts on his flak jacket he hadn’t been wearing at the industry event. She grabs his Samurai jacket on the way out and slips it on; not daring to wear it before. But now? She needs to feel like part of him is with her.</p><p>It smells like him, and she inhales sharply. The thoughts that she’s pushing down cannot come forward. She refuses.</p><p>When she steps back into the hallway, she finishes reloading Johnny’s gun and holsters it. When she looks up, Kerry is staring at her.</p><p>“He doesn’t let anyone use his gun,” he says, “but you look like you’ve already done it more times you can count.” He hands over his own gun to her, and ammo to go with it.</p><p>She checks the barrel, and shrugs, “Yeah, something like that.”</p><p>They head back to the elevators, “Nance says there’s a bike in the garage, belongs to some rich fuck. Doubt they’re gonna miss it,” Kerry grins, as he hits the lobby for him, and garage for her. “You got a plan?”</p><p>V just taps her head, “Gonna wing it. Usually doesn’t go wrong for me.”</p><p>Kerry snorts at that, “Yeah, can see why you two get along.”</p><p>The elevator hits the lobby, and Kerry steps out but holds his hand on the door, “Call me when you’re in the clear, we’ll get shit ready for you guys back here, yeah? Be careful.”</p><p>There’s a softness to his voice as he says it, but then Kerry adds, “Kill all the motherfuckers for me,” grins widely and <em>that’s</em> the Kerry she knows.</p><p>She just nods, as Kerry steps back and the elevator doors shut and descend towards the garage.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>“Gotta pay better fuckin’ attention, V!” He screams at her, as she pops out of cover and flatlines the last attacker. Her hand is to her side, blood gushing out between her fingertips as she tries to keep the wound closed. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Jesus, Johnny, if you could be some fucking help, that’d be great!” She slides down back behind the crate, and she can’t move. If she does, she might bleed out. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She can tell Johnny is nervous, because he’s using his anger to mask his fears, as he glitches erratically around her as he paces. “What am I gonna do, phase through somethin’? I live in your fuckin’ head!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You can access my fuckin’ holo,” she hisses back “call Vik!” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He doesn’t say anything, but the holo lights up in her eyes, and Vik appears. “Gonna need your help,” She gets out, and she feels Johnny accessing more information in her mind, pushing her location to Vik over the holo. Vik says he’s on his way, and when the holo disconnects, Johnny glitches again next to her. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He takes her free hand and holds onto it tightly, silent as they wait for help to arrive.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>V drives the bike through the streets of Phoenix, weaving in and out of traffic, her optics turned on to scan the movement of the van that had taken Johnny. Whoever these people were, they weren’t smart. Didn’t bother covering their tracks, didn’t take different routes.</p><p>Whatever would be easier to bring her to where they were, to bust Johnny out, was fine with her.</p><p>But she was trying hard to focus on clearing her mind. Not to think about their shared past traumas. Not reliving his own memories of being hooked up to Soulkiller. Not reliving her own memories of being shot in the head and left for dead.</p><p>She had to focus. She could freak out later.</p><p>Which, she knew she would when they were safe.</p><p>His jacket felt heavy on her shoulders as she drove, the weight of the years between past and future resting on them. How she used to ride through Night City wearing the replica of this exact jacket, thinking it was extra protection. <em>Think of it as a gift from your guardian angel</em>¸ he had smugly said in her ear one night, before she reminded him the replica was a gift from Rogue. <em>So? Still somethin’ else of mine you have.</em></p><p>The tracks lead to a warehouse, abandoned by the looks of it, no armed guards on the outside. The image of the Van disappeared as she changed her optics, killing the bike engine and hiding it in the shadows.</p><p>She kept to the shadows as she moved around, scanning for an entrance point. Scanning for something – until she found it. Security cameras moving to scanning the area.</p><p>Crouching behind a car, she hacked into the camera feed and started flipping through the cameras. There weren’t too many people in the warehouse. The main room had two guys, looked armed, but not heavily. The next room had one guy, completely bored scrolling on his holo. The third room, two men.</p><p>And Johnny.</p><p>Her breath hitched as she zoomed in to get a look at him. Head slumped down, tied to a chair. His organic arm tied behind his back.</p><p>His metal arm was torn off, mangled, and tossed to a nearby table. What was left of his arm and shoulder did not look good. She swallowed hard as she switched from the camera feed of that room.</p><p>She got to work quickly, quick hacking the equipment in the rooms to her advantage. Disabling guns when she saw them. Turning off security camera feeds. Looking back into the room where Johnny was held captive, the men were punching him. Johnny looked to the side and spit something out – dark, like blood.</p><p>Behind him jacked into the wall looked to be a sound system.</p><p>An idea formed, as she hacked into it.</p><p>Still connected, she stood up from her position behind the car. She got herself set up, switched the feed to the main room, and hacked the door to open on its own. As it slowly started to open, she quickly switched back to where Johnny was. They were punching him, doing something else she couldn’t see.</p><p>His head was still low, and she couldn’t tell if he was even breathing.</p><p>As if he knows she’s looking for it, he tilts his head towards the speaker. A cue. A sign.</p><p>Showtime. She smirks as she tapped her fingers against her side, hacking in, and finally blasting Samurai music through the speakers.</p><p>The men in the room looked up from Johnny and started yelling at each other, something she couldn’t hear.</p><p>But Johnny lifted his head up from the chair, saying something to the men and laughing. They both ran out, and finally Johnny looks up.  Looking around for something until he looked right up at the security camera. She makes it wave back and forth as a <em>hello,</em> <em>I’m here</em>. He laughs and grins at the camera.</p><p>Satisfied, she disconnected from the cameras. She cleared her throat and started towards the building, Johnny’s gun in her left hand, Kerry’s in her right.  </p><p>Time to party like it was 2077.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We're back! Note the updated chapter count &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. ; i fought the war but the war won't stop for the love of god</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’s beaten and bruised, bloody and raw. Every fucking part of his body is screaming in pain, but he knows that reaction is exactly what they want. He doesn’t give it to them. Instead, he just steels his jaw, he glares straight ahead at every punch, every cut.</p>
<p>When they rip his arm off, <em>that</em> gets him to scream, and the pure <em>joy</em> that brings the two men in the room makes him taste bile in his mouth.</p>
<p>“Look at that,” One of the men grinned, “looks like he can feel shit after all.”</p>
<p>“How much longer until we send the ransom request?” The second man asks. He punches Johnny again for good measure. Johnny’s head falls to the side, before rolling to the front, his head hanging low.</p>
<p>He doesn’t have much energy left. He’s bleeding in a variety of places, but he plays along. Trying to slowly struggle his way through the ropes that bind his last hand behind his back, but it proves difficult without another hand to help the process.</p>
<p>But he’s been in this position before. Arm gone, tied to a chair.</p>
<p>All that’s missing is the soul killer wreath around his head.</p>
<p>All that’s missing is the gunfire of the war outside the tent as he screams in pain.</p>
<p>All that’s missing is the fire that shoots through his skull when the wreath is activated.</p>
<p>All that’s missing is his commanding officer screaming in his ear about what a fuck up he was.</p>
<p>He keeps his head down, listening. Trying to pay attention to what is going on, trying not to slip into unconsciousness. Trying to calculate the amount of time it could take to get out of the room, to find the nearest exit.</p>
<p>“Soon. Just gotta send the request to his people. Then as soon as we get the money, we zero him.”</p>
<p><em>That</em> pisses him off, as Johnny raises his head, “Ain’t gonna get them to pay you shit,” spitting out blood to the side.</p>
<p>Asshole #1 grins as he gets in Johnny’s face, hand going tight around Johnny’s throat. “What’s that?”</p>
<p>His hand tightens, and Johnny doesn’t struggle, he just stares straight ahead. Daring the man to go through with it. The man loosens his hold and laughs, “Oh, we got a feisty one, boys.”</p>
<p>The other men in the room laugh.</p>
<p>“Who the fuck are you working for?” Johnny hisses out.</p>
<p>“Nah. Ourselves. Little rich band comes into <em>my </em>city, I want to make a buck off them. You made it all too easy.” There’s another punch, and the force of it knocks Johnny back, the chair almost falling over. He’s grabbed by his shoulder where his metal arm had been, and he bites back the desire to scream in pain as the man shoves his fist deep into the wound.  </p>
<p>Johnny is punched again, everything going black.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>There’s an overwhelming content feeling that washes over him, as he quietly glitches into her apartment. He doesn’t announce himself, because she knows he’s there. He sees the smile that curls up onto her lips as she leans against the window. She’s watching the sunrise, eyes darting over the buildings and the horizon scarred with buildings too tall and too wide. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He approaches her and when he gets closer, she holds her hand out. A gesture he easily falls into, fingers entwining with hers as he joins her at her side. “What’s the plan for today?” He asks, quirking an eyebrow up at her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Thinking there isn’t one. Maybe go see Vik for a tune-up on my blades, but that can also wait until tomorrow.” She turns to look at him then, a playful smirk on her lips. “Think you’ll get bored if we just stay here? Just take a day?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He grins, stepping closer to her, his hand to her hips, pulling her closer to him. “Life ain’t borin’ with you V.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>***</em>
</p>
<p>When he wakes up, he’s delirious. Swears that he can see V in front of him, walking around. Telling him to hold on, to fight back.</p>
<p>But she’s not there. Because she’s not an engram in his head, just as he’s not one in hers now.</p>
<p>He can feel that the blood has dried on his face, he can feel that his face is starting to get swollen from all the punches.</p>
<p>The door opens and Asshole #1 and #2 come strolling in. One of them grabs his metal arm from the table and uses it to backhand him across the face.</p>
<p>Johnny lets out a groan, out of reflex, and spits to the floor. “You gettin’ off on this shit?” He growled, “Cause it kinda seems like you are.”</p>
<p>He hears his metal arm get tossed back to the table, metal clinking against metal. He doesn’t get an answer, so he keeps talking. “Thinkin’ you’re some fuckin’ hot shit. Know who I am? Know who I have for enemies?” He laughs bitterly because this, it’s all a <em>fucking act</em>. But he plays it, and he plays it well. “Think you’re really gonna come out of this shit alive?”</p>
<p>“We’re gonna all be fine,” #1 smirks, “You on the other hand?” He raises his fingers in a gun motion and mimics a <em>bang</em> with his fingers. “Gonna be dead soon.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, not the first person to say that. Not the first person to kill me either. I’m a fuckin’ cockroach, <em>always</em> comin’ back.”</p>
<p>He’s punched again, first in the face, and then there’s a stab of a knife into his shoulder; twisted for extra measure. He bites back the scream that threatens to escape him, glaring daggers at the man, who only laughs.</p>
<p>Suddenly, there’s a new sound in the room.</p>
<p>There’s a crackle from the speakers behind him before it goes quiet. Something has turned it on, but those in the room have no idea.</p>
<p>A clue.</p>
<p>The assholes don’t notice, and Johnny’s acts a part, flopping his head down as if he’s passed out again from the pain. Which, at this point it’s not entirely untrue. He’s half there.</p>
<p>He keeps his head down waiting. <em>Come on. </em>He hears the crackle again, and it stays on. The feedback sound he’s used to, the hum right before the music stars. There’s a feeling in his throat, and he waits.</p>
<p>Familiar music starts blasting through the speakers in the room, in the building. The echo of his own voice screaming out, ‘Chippin’ In’ playing out.</p>
<p>He knows who’s here.</p>
<p>And he’s going to fucking worship her as soon as he’s able to.</p>
<p>Johnny lifts his head, starts laughing, “Oh, <em>shit</em>,” shedding the pain act the best he can manage, “You’re <em>fucked.” </em>His laughter turns maniacal and delusional from relief, as the Asshole #1 shouts to #2 to go see what was going on. “She’s going to fuckin’ <em>kill you</em> and I get to <em>watch</em>.”</p>
<p>Because he knows what’s coming. And fuck, it’s going to be <em>beautiful.</em></p>
<p>Over the walkie-talkies, there’s yelling that there’s a trespasser. #1 runs out the door, leaving Johnny behind to his chair.</p>
<p>There has to be something here, the feeling that he has to prove that he can hold out for her to get to him. A camera he finally finds in the top corner of the room. The light on the camera is blinking green and then it moves. As if it is waving back and forth, greeting him with a hello.</p>
<p>Fuck, he never thought he’d be so happy to see a moving security camera.</p>
<p>The camera stops moving, but the music keeps blasting as he listens and waits. He can pick out the yelling. He can pick out the screaming.</p>
<p>He hears a familiar shot – she has his gun. She’s fighting and blasting and exploding her way to him, and fuck, if it isn’t the exact same thing that he’d do for her.</p>
<p>He’d burn the entire fucking world for her, if she wanted him to. If she doesn’t burn the world for him first.</p>
<p>It’s a long time of waiting, of the anticipation, until outside the door he hears gunshots.</p>
<p>There’s a scream of terror he hears outside the door.</p>
<p>Asshole #1 comes crashing through the door, skidding to the floor. The door is broken behind him, as he frantically moves on the floor away from it. Asshole’s hands are up, pleading with his own personal Reaper, not knowing it won’t do him any good. One step away from death. “Wait! No, I can—”</p>
<p>Through the doorway, the Angel of Death walks in, lights bright behind her. Wearing Johnny’s jacket, his gun in her left hand, Kerry’s gun at her thigh. One of her mantis blades is out, blood covering it. She casts a long shadow at the man cowering on the floor, and Johnny looks on in awe.</p>
<p>She looks at the man on the floor and shoots him in the head without a second thought, and then in the heart. Kneeling beside him, she pats the man down, taking out his shard and any other information he has on him before she stands back up.</p>
<p>V shakes her arm out, gets the blood of her mantis blade as it retracts, and she puts his gun away. Then, she looks to Johnny. “Hi,” it comes out breathless with a half-smile as she runs to him and gets on her knees to untie his legs.</p>
<p>“Nice view,” he jokes, but now that he <em>knows</em> he’s safe, the adrenaline is starting to wear off. “Arm. On the table.”</p>
<p>“On it,” She says, as she unties his arm from the back of the chair and wraps an arm around his waist as she helps him up. “We’re getting out of here.” She helps to steady him, grabs his metal arm, and starts to lean them out. The movement is so quick it almost doesn’t register with him.</p>
<p>“How’d you—”</p>
<p>“Later. Gotta delta,” She says, “Come on, gotta walk with me Johnny. Gotta just make it to the car, okay?”</p>
<p>It’s a struggle, and he keeps holding on as long as he can. He’s fading in and out, but V keeps him awake. He knows she’s talking to him, but he can’t understand her words. She helps him into a car and keeps her hand on his thigh as she drives them out of the area.</p>
<p>He eventually stops fighting himself, and the pain takes over, blacking him out.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“So, what happens after?”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“After what?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We get what we want.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then the world is ours, V.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Still want the world after all this?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No. Just want you.” </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. ; the wind presents a change of course, a second reckoning of sorts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In times like these, she misses Viktor and Misty. Viktor would be the only Ripper she could trust, and Misty? Well, she’d keep her calm. At least one of them is around in this time.</p>
<p>But instead of Vik helping, it’s Trauma Team that helps to patch Johnny up, but they don’t put his arm back. His body needs to heal first, and it will be some time before they can connect his cybernetics again. She stays with him the entire time as they work on him, because she doesn’t <em>trust</em> Trauma Team. Also doesn’t trust that she had to bribe them to help, and it doesn’t sit right.</p>
<p>Nancy makes the arrangements for them to skip town as soon as they’re able to move Johnny. The tour bus will go in a completely different direction, and they’ll take private plane to New York. They spend four days in Phoenix before they leave. It’s four days longer than any of them want, but they refuse to risk it.</p>
<p>Everything seems like a blur. She stays by Johnny’s side through everything, the little moments when he starts to wake up and she tells him to try to get more rest. He’s in and out of a drugged state, in and out of sleep, but she stays at his side.</p>
<p>When they finally arrive in New York, Kerry throws money around. He rents out an entire hotel, pays the staff twice their salaries for a month, and tells them to delta. Nancy calls in favors of people she knows, bringing in people to help around the hotel. It is now about keeping the circle small, keep it with people they trust, keep themselves off the radar as much as they can.</p>
<p>Which is hard considering they’re still technically looking to continue their tour, but at least the shows in New York have been postponed.</p>
<p>The suggestion had been made to go back to Night City, but V had disagreed immediately. “They may or may not coming looking for us here, but in NC? It’d absolutely be the place people would be looking for us. We’re all from there.” A truth that was easily agreed to, but truth was she was scared. Night City had a horrible habit of taking people from her, and right now that wasn’t a risk she wanted to take.</p>
<p>Whatever this hotel was, it had everything they needed – enough floors that they could all spread out, amenities for whatever they’d need, even a room for a netrunner and a ripperdoc. V wasn’t sure how Nancy picked it out, but she was thankful.</p>
<p>Johnny had been in and out of consciousness for a few days, the drugs finally wearing off, his body finally healing. She had claimed one of the higher floors for them, a large suite, ripperdoc room only one floor below them. Everyone else was spread out, doing their own thing. For the most part, the hotel was being left alone – whomever Kerry and Nancy convinced to watch the place had been enough to scare the underground to stay away.</p>
<p>She wondered if she ever had that type of name recognition back in ’77. Maybe towards the end, she did.</p>
<p>But as Johnny rested, she kept herself occupied. Worked on a few songs, spent some time with her bandmates, spent a lot of time dodging questions on what exactly happened when she went to the warehouse and just how she knew how to handle a gun.</p>
<p>Kerry still wanted answers too, the adrenaline of the night finally wearing off. For the most part, Kerry had kept his distance, but once they got to New York, he started to get more curious. He wanted to know when he had told V about his gun. He wanted to know how <em>exactly</em> V had met Johnny. Wanted a ton of information that V just wasn’t ready to give.</p>
<p>When she kept giving noncommittal answers, or joke ones, Kerry would just get frustrated and walk off. But she knew his look, she knew the wheels turning in his head – always a lot smarter than he looked, especially when it came to anything concerning Johnny. </p>
<p>Eventually, she’d have to find a way to tell Kerry the truth. Or find a convincing way to lie about it. Until then, she’d continue to play dumb.</p>
<p>The suite was almost like a small apartment, different rooms, a large balcony, nicer than anything she had ever seen in her own time. But she mostly stayed in the bedroom. Sitting on the couch, while Johnny still rested, playing her guitar.</p>
<p>She was idly playing whatever came to her mind, quietly, when she heard his voice.</p>
<p>“You’ve been playin’ that song for two days,” Johnny’s voice is rough, but it’s clear. She stops playing and sets her guitar down, immediately going to his side.</p>
<p>He slowly opens his eyes and smiles at her. He moves as if he’s trying to use his left arm, but then his smile fades.</p>
<p>His metal arm isn’t attached yet, it’s on the dresser next to the bed.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry,” she says softly, as she takes hold of his organic hand, “I have someone I trust coming to fix you up tomorrow.”</p>
<p>“You got someone you trust?” He raises an eyebrow, as he shifts to sit up, resting against the headboard.</p>
<p>“I do.”</p>
<p>“Alright.”</p>
<p>There’s a silence that settles between them as she just looks at him. His wounds have healed, he’ll have some scars, but he’ll be okay. Once they get his arm back up and running, he’ll be as good as new.</p>
<p>So why is she struggling with what to say to him?</p>
<p>He reacts to this first, as he reaches for her hand, and takes it. He uses it as momentum to sit up closer to her, “Should be thankin’ you. Comin’ in all fire and fury like you did,” he grins, and she easily grins back, “Did I tell you how hot that was?”</p>
<p>She laughs, “No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me all about it now. <em>After</em> you finally shower.” Giving his hand a squeeze, she moves off the bed next to him. He doesn’t protest as he gets out of the bed; she makes a note to get someone into the room to clean things up a bit. She hadn’t been taking care of herself too much when he was resting, and it needed to change.</p>
<p>She helps him into the shower, and he insists that he can shower on his own – he’s done it before with one arm, this isn’t any different. So, she leaves him to his own devices as she pulls out a suitcase that she hasn’t looked through just yet.</p>
<p>She sits down on the couch when she hears the shower turn off. It’s a little bit before he comes out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist, hair damp around his face.</p>
<p>She decides, with a smirk on her lips as she gets up and walks over to him, that what’s in the case can wait.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>She’s gotten much better at taking breaks. Her reward, for when she actually remembers to take a moment without him reminding her to do it, is him playing guitar for her. She’s always loved listening to him play, and as they sit on the roof near Vik’s clinic, he’s playing a song pulled from her memories. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He’s sitting on one of the chairs next to her, and instead of singing along to the song, he’s humming. She’s taking in the sights of everything around them, before her eyes fall on him. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He knows she’s looking at him. He doesn’t raise his eyes to hers, but he smiles, an acknowledgement. Only a few weeks into whatever they were now, and a thought crosses her mind. That ultimately, she knows she’s going to do anything she can to help both of them. That she’d do anything for him; and that thought scares her. Because it borders on another feeling that she doesn’t want to name. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He stops humming, but he keeps playing. She doesn’t look at him, knowing that she hadn’t caught the thoughts in time, and that he heard them. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But he surprises her, and says, “For the record, feel the same way about you.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>*** </em>
</p>
<p>Another shower for both of them later, they’re sitting on the couch of their suite. His legs are kicked up on the table in front of them, and he’s wearing a long sleeve shirt. It’s tied at a knot up towards his left shoulder, and the sleeve on his right arm is pushed up past the elbows. She’s comfortably dressed next to him, and she’s finally reached for the case.</p>
<p>“What’s in the case?” He asks, as she pulls it onto her lap. She opens it and shows it to him.</p>
<p>Guns and knives, ammo, and she reaches into a small compartment as she takes out two data shards. “I pulled these off the guys who took you.”</p>
<p>“You see what was on them?”</p>
<p>“No. Ran a scan on them though, they’re not viruses, shouldn’t mess with our systems.” She holds one out, “I thought you’d want to see them first. I was waiting for you.”</p>
<p>He doesn’t reply, he only tilts his head. She moves back his hair, and before she puts the shard into the port behind his ear, she presses a kiss to his neck. Then, she slides the shard in.</p>
<p>His eyes light up with the familiar orange color of reviewing the data, and she watches as his eyes dart around. “Shit.”</p>
<p>“Johnny, what is it?”</p>
<p>“Hold on a second.”</p>
<p>“Johnny—”</p>
<p>“V, one <em>damn second</em>!” He snaps before he goes quiet again, before he shifts, and he moves his hand behind his ear and takes the shard out. He hands it to her, before rubbing at his beard.</p>
<p>She takes it, and looks at him, and he nods. She slides it into her port, and she starts to look at the files. “Johnny, what am I looking at?”</p>
<p>“Think you know, V.” He replies roughly.</p>
<p>The files fly around in front of her, blueprints to Arasaka Tower. But it’s not the blueprint that she knows from her time; things are different. The files move, and then there is a scrolling of data. Information on the Arasaka Secure Reliquary Database, and what is stored on there. The plans for taking copies of enemies and zeroing their real versions, recreating people to fit the mold Arasaka wants.</p>
<p>Information that she had never seen before in his memories, but she could tell through whatever link remained between them that he was anxious about it.</p>
<p>She disconnects the shard, taking it out and looks at it. Looks at Johnny.</p>
<p>He stands to his feet then, rubs at the back of his neck. “You found that on the fuckers who nabbed me?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Johnny, what—”</p>
<p>“This is information that I’m not supposed to have.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>He’s pacing around the room now, “The raid in ’23, it was built off <em>that</em> information. Except, Blackhand gets it. Never tells me how he got it, just that he has it. Not supposed to see it for…another two years, V. Why the fuck do we have it now?”</p>
<p>“How should I know?” She puts the shard away, locks the suitcase, stands up. “What do we do with it?”</p>
<p>Johnny won’t stop pacing around the suite, “Use it,” he says immediately.</p>
<p>“What? So, you can fucking flatline in the tower again? I don’t fucking think so! We’re not doing that. You <em>told me</em> you didn’t want to do that!”</p>
<p>“But we’re gonna let ‘Saka get away with—”</p>
<p>“You know what happens! They get away with it <em>anyway</em>, Johnny!” Their voices are raising, they’re circling each other in the middle of the hotel room. She’s not completely sure that the anger in their voices isn’t directed towards each other.</p>
<p>“Don’t fuckin’ want them to!”</p>
<p>“We don’t get to make that fucking choice!”</p>
<p>Her eyes narrow as she looks at him, he mirrors her expression, and they stare at each other silently before she’s the first one to break. She sighs heavily, rubbing at her eyes before she looks back at him. His expression has also softened.</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t be fighting each other on this,” She says, “Ultimately, it’s your choice on what we do with the data. And I’m with you on whatever you decide. I just…I don’t want this ending how it could. With you strapped to Soulkiller and me stuck here alone. Or worse.”</p>
<p>Johnny sighs softly, and crosses back over to her, his hand on her shoulder, “Not going to lose me, V. Just…need to think on this.”</p>
<p>“Alright. Take the time that you need.” She moves closer, wrapping her arms around him as she rests her head against his chest.</p>
<p>But she can’t fight the feeling that what happens next might not be good for them. That no matter what he decides, they’re fucked no matter what.</p>
<p>She holds onto him a little tighter because of it and closes her eyes, choosing to believe they’re not speeding their collapse.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. ; our common goal was waiting for the world to end</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Johnny walked into the ripperdoc room at the hotel, V trailing behind him, he had to do a double take.</p>
<p>“V, are you fuckin’ shittin’ me here?” He mutters under his breath to her, and she laughs hard.</p>
<p>V grins, as she pushes Johnny into the room more, stopping right in front of the ripper she brought in. The ripper she trusts. “Vik, wanna introduce you to Johnny,” and to add to the amusement in her tone she waves Johnny’s metal arm that she has in her hand at Vik.</p>
<p>Vik smirks at the gesture, and Johnny just groans. Johnny expects Vik of this time to be like the Vik of V’s time, rough around the edges and gruff. Instead, he gets a smile and Vik gesturing to the chair. “Take a seat, let’s get you back up and running. Nice to meet you, by the way. Big fan.”</p>
<p>His face colors with surprise as he looks to V and she just shrugs. “I’ll leave you to it, Vik. Johnny, play nice,” she laughs before she leaves and shuts the door behind her.</p>
<p>Johnny stands dumbfounded in the middle of the room, as Vik wheels out a tray of cybernetic arms. “Figure you might want a bit of an upgrade. On the house, of course.”</p>
<p>He walks over, looking over what his options are, looking to his old one. Falling into easy conversation about the elements to each of the upgrades, what he might want to consider. He decides on a version of his arm created by Militech instead of Arasaka, though the design is practically the same. This one doesn’t have the knives on the elbows. He doesn’t consider that too much of a loss.</p>
<p>He settles into the chair, and lets Vik do his work – he doesn’t go for medication that puts him under, but Vik makes it so he can’t feel anything until it’s time to test his new arm.</p>
<p>“Vik,” Johnny looks to the ripper as he works, “how’d you meet V?” He knows it’s from the hotel in Vegas, what V had told him. But he’s curious to know what he’ll say.</p>
<p>Vik’s lip curls up in a smirk, “Met her at a hotel bar in Vegas,” he confirms what Johnny knows, “how she didn’t notice people turning their heads as she walked in was beyond me. Until she sat down next to me. Looked like someone who was pretty lost.”</p>
<p>Johnny clears his throat, “Lost?”</p>
<p>Vik hums, his focus on connecting his arm correctly and blending the software into his current OS. There’s a flash of something in Johnny’s eyes, telling him that the arm has been connected, and diagnostics were being run. “Said she was having issues communicating with someone. Said someone was you.” Vik lifted his head to look at Johnny with a raised eyebrow, “Didn’t say it was you, called you by a different name, wasn’t hard to put two and two together.”</p>
<p>Johnny chuckled, “Don’t even wanna know what name she used.”</p>
<p>“Rob.”</p>
<p>“<em>What?”</em></p>
<p>It was Vik’s turn to laugh at Johnny’s reaction, the scowl on his face completely unmistakable. A part of his past he hated, had tried to erase. “As I said,” Vik continued, “once she started talking, said her band was on tour with yours, wasn’t hard to put it together. Vets tend to be aware of who you were before becoming a rockerboy.”</p>
<p>“You served?”</p>
<p>“Did, yeah. Hated the whole damn thing, got out as soon as I could. No point in serving in a pointless fucking war, you know?”</p>
<p>“Never knew…” He started to say that he had never known Vik had also served but stopped himself. Vik technically had only just met him. There was no history, and even Vik in 2077 didn’t ever meet him as himself. Only as the parasite that was taking over the woman Vik considered like a daughter. “…that I was discussed in that circle,” he settles on pulling on his ego.</p>
<p>It works enough that Vik only pauses to raise his eyebrow for a moment before he gets back to fixing his arm. “Either way, glad to see you two worked it out. I was surprised when she called me to come out here, honestly.”</p>
<p>“She’s the type of person who knows who to trust almost instantly,” he lies, because he needs to cover for both him and V, and because he’s not sure what she said. But he’s not the only one who is playing with his past, holding onto what he knows. Just by inviting Vik here, V’s done the same thing.</p>
<p>The conversation dies out a bit as Vik finishes up working on the arm. He tells Johnny to test it out, see how it feels – they make adjustments so it feels exactly like the old one did. A proper extension of himself, using it naturally as it blends in.</p>
<p>Vik seems satisfied with how everything works; Johnny is happy with the implementation and the results. He hops off the chair, and Vik hands him an inhaler with medication. “Take two puffs now, one a day for the rest of the week. Should be good to go then.”</p>
<p>Milt back in Night City would have freaked out knowing another ripper was working on him, let alone that Johnny was listening to him. He took the inhaler, did the two puffs and pocketed it. “You stickin’ around New York?”</p>
<p>Crossing his arms over his chest, Vik nods, “Brought my girl with me, thought we’d see the sights while we’re here.”</p>
<p>“Got a show in a few days. Want tickets?”</p>
<p>Vik grins, “Renee already gave us some.”</p>
<p>The use of V’s real name throws him for a second, but smiles, “Good. Most likely got you better seats than I would have given.”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” Vik grins, and Johnny smirks, “She said that too.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>There’s one thing he notices, as they’re leaving Clouds. She feels everything too deeply. She’s too stuck in her head, and he can say that because he’s also stuck there. Sometimes, her thoughts get so heavy that he’s pretty sure it’s going to wipe him out completely. If he’s overwriting her, maybe parts of her are overwriting him too. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He calls her a fuck-up, she flips him off, he tries to get her to listen to what he’s trying to tell her. He needs her to pull through. He needs her to man the fuck up, and figure her shit out because they won’t make it out alive if she doesn’t fucking stop helping others before herself. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But then that ends up being something he likes about her. And then something he loves about her. Somewhere along the line, he becomes ok with just how truly fucked he is when it comes to what he feels for her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And what he takes from her, is that he’s willing to be selfless, if she can be selfish. He decides he’ll agree to get wiped, if it gives her the life she deserves.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once everything was settled with his arm, Johnny went back to their hotel room. Taking the data chip, slotting it in again, going over everything once more.</p>
<p>The data is still exactly what it was when he saw it before in 2023. Blueprints are the same. Program details, everything was the same.</p>
<p>Data that he shouldn’t have access to. It should have been in Morgan’s hands. And having it now in his, having the weight of it – it was too easy to fall back into memories of how things had run before. It was too easy to remember how fucking chaotic and careless he had been. Lucky as all hell that he didn’t get anyone else killed, but even being in V’s head he had learned that people disappeared after the raid. Didn’t know what happened to Spider. Morgan disappeared just as he had.</p>
<p>If he kept the data, he’d be protecting people from their eventual fates. Like he was trying to selfishly protect himself from. Could stop from thousands in Night City to be killed by a bomb going off in the wrong place. But if he kept it, Arasaka wouldn’t get the much-needed blow back. The future could be worse than what it was in 2077.</p>
<p>If he gave the data to Morgan, it could be with the caveat that he was out. That he didn’t want anything to do with it. By now, Alt had already contacted him, he already knew where she was. Could give Rogue the things that she needed to free Alt; but that would take convincing. Everything could be different, as long as he wasn’t involved.</p>
<p>Because part of him wondered if the reason everything had gone so off the rails, was because he had made it about himself. That wasn’t who he wanted to be. That wasn’t who he wanted to be known as, remembered as. To live through that, die because of it, and only be forced to face it all again, he wouldn’t do it the same way as he did before.</p>
<p>It hit him that given the choice and knowing what he knew now, what he <em>had</em> now, he wouldn’t do it at all.</p>
<p>When it started, being thrown back here, it wasn’t ideal. But he had V. He had his love for music back and found he could enjoy it when he wasn’t drowning in his own self-hatred and desire to destroy everything around him that he cared about. He had something he saw as sustainable, something he could build from. People around him were different. <em>He</em> was different.</p>
<p>V had shown him what he could be, had he been willing to realize the asshole he was didn’t have to be <em>all</em> that he was. That the mistakes he made in his past didn’t have to be what defined him. His past built him, brought him to who he was, but taking a different path wasn’t going to wipe that slate clean.</p>
<p>It’d just be a different path to walk, and he would be better for it.</p>
<p>But there was still the matter of the data. The longer that he held onto it, had it in his possession, the more uncomfortable the decision was going to be.</p>
<p>He had to make a choice.</p>
<p>He just hoped it’d be the right one.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. ; fate don't fail me now</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>They drive to Embers in silence. She can feel how on edge Johnny is, and it blends easily with her own feelings. Everything is progressing faster than they expected. She’s getting weaker every day, it’s easier for him to take control. If they don’t stop it, she’ll disappear, and he’ll take over without wanting to. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>When she gets out of his Porsche, she doesn’t walk to Embers yet. She leans against the hood of the car, and Johnny glitches in to sit next to her. She doesn’t have to say what she’s thinking, because she knows he can hear it. How scared she is that she’ll make the wrong choice. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Hear the porcelain cunt out, and then we delta. We already know what we’re doin’,” he reminds her, because they’ve already talked the plan over. The two of them, together until the end. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“I know,” she says softly, her hand reaching out for his and holding onto it as a means of connection. “Johnny, I—”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“No, Renee,” he replies, “We’re not doin’ that. We don’t do goodbyes.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But he squeezes her hand a little tighter.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Once she left Johnny alone with Vik to get patched up, she made her down to the hotel bar. With both Valiant and Samurai given all clear to run around the hotel like they owned the place (and thanks to Nancy and Kerry, for the moment they did), V was left to her own devices. Hopping over the top of the bar to land behind it, grabbing any type of alcohol that she could find.</p>
<p>She ducked down below to grab a beer, and when she popped back up, she saw Kerry’s grinning face. “Oh, fucking hell!”</p>
<p>He furrowed his brow, “Hey, I don’t look that fuckin’ terrifyin’!”</p>
<p>“You fucking scared me, Kerry.” Beer bottle resting on the counter, she just rolled her eyes and pushed the beer towards him. She went back to get one for herself, and once they opened the beers, they drank.</p>
<p>Kerry rolled his eyes, “I saw how you were when Johnny got ‘nabbed. Like you were gonna kill anyone that stood in your way. Pretty sure I didn’t fuckin’ scare you, V.”</p>
<p>“I…” She starts, holding a finger up, before putting it down, “Okay, you have a point there.”</p>
<p>She took another drink, before noticing that Kerry was staring at her. She swallowed down her beer, and raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to speak.</p>
<p>If he was anything like the older version of him, he was going to cut to it really quickly. “Been avoidin’ me, V. Somethin’ you’re not wanting to tell me?”</p>
<p>There it was. “Nothing to tell, Kerry.”</p>
<p>“Dunno, V. You said some pretty interesting things that I hadn’t said to anyone.”</p>
<p>“Kerry, you can’t drop it?”</p>
<p>“Nope,” he grinned, and she sighed heavily. Instead of answering him, she drank.</p>
<p>Because she couldn’t tell him that she knew who he was in the future. She couldn’t tell him that he was one of her closest friends when he was in his eighties. She couldn’t tell him the shit he went through, that he thought Johnny died, that he spent years in depression trying to dig out from Johnny’s shadow. Couldn’t tell him about his future failed marriage with kids he never saw. Couldn’t explain how they met, checking in on him because Johnny had been hearing rumors that he was gonna off himself.</p>
<p>Because that was the thing, wasn’t it? She couldn’t tell anyone about the life she had, what she dealt with in 2077, because she had no way of going back. Her life, what it had been, what it was, it didn’t exist anymore. This was a new life.</p>
<p>She wasn’t having malfunctions, wasn’t dying anymore, but now she had to deal with a different kind of death. The death of everything she knew; because if she stayed here in this time, everything that happened wouldn’t anymore. She’d never meet Jackie. She’d never have the relationship with Vik that she had then. Misty would never read her cards. Never meet Panam or Judy, never piss off River. But on the plus side, she would have never sold her soul to work for Arasaka. She wouldn’t have had to watch Jackie die. Wouldn’t have malfunctions, wouldn’t be dying.</p>
<p>Because at least here, she already had Johnny. Was forming a new type of friendship with Kerry, Nancy, Denny, the rest of Valiant. She could work with that.</p>
<p>But Kerry was waiting, looking at her expectantly, and she had to give <em>something</em> as an answer to shut him up.</p>
<p>“Fine,” She sighed heavily, chugging the rest of the beer, “Remember in Vegas, the night we all went out and partied? You got the tattoo of the dick with—”</p>
<p>“It’s not a dick!”</p>
<p>“<em>Anyway</em>, you told me then,” she lied, “High off your ass, told me you thought I was the most trustworthy person you had ever met, and you needed to get something off your chest.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t a complete lie. The Kerry she had known <em>was</em> high when he told her that. But it was a much more somber moment, a heart to heart of two people who were at their lowest and brought together by a common denominator.</p>
<p>She disappeared behind the bar, getting herself another beer, opening it when she stood back up.</p>
<p>Kerry looked at her, like he was considering what she said. And then, after taking a drink of his beer, he shrugged, “Yeah that sounds like me. Why didn’t you just say that? Thought it was some big other mystery, like you found my diary or somethin’.”</p>
<p>“Kerry…do you have a diary?”</p>
<p>His cheeks went red, as he chugged the rest of his beer, and V laughed. “Fuck off,” he managed to get out, but she couldn’t stop laughing.</p>
<p>If he believed her, maybe that could be enough to let her move on. To just focus on what she had to do here. A new life, with new memories, of things she had to discover for herself.</p>
<p>“But wait, somethin’ else is bothering me,” Kerry said, his smile fading, as he looked at her again with narrowed eyes. He lifted set his now empty beer down and pointed at her. “How’d you know how to use Johnny’s gun? Never saw anyone but him use it, let alone being allowed to touch it.”</p>
<p>To buy herself sometime, she grabbed his empty beer bottle, tossed it and turned her back to get a new one, before she was saved by the man himself.</p>
<p>“She can touch anythin’ of mine she wants, Ker,” Johnny’s voice had tones of amusement under it, and she made sure to grab two beers as she popped back up to the bar. Sliding the bottles to both men, she smirked as her eyes met Johnny’s.</p>
<p>Kerry groaned, making a show of rolling his eyes dramatically, “Disgustin’, don’t wanna hear this shit.” He pushed off the bar, flipped Johnny and V off, and disappeared from the hotel bar.</p>
<p>Once he was out of sight, she let out an audible sigh, resting her head on the bar. “Fuck,” she muttered into the wood, as she felt Johnny’s new metal hand on her back.</p>
<p>“What was that about?” He asked, as she lifted her head and hopped on top of the bar, opting to sit in front of Johnny. A smirk on his lips, he playfully parted her legs so he could stand between them, his metal hand on her thigh as he lifted his beer to his lips.</p>
<p>“Kerry was asking questions that I didn’t want to answer,” she muttered, as she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer to her.</p>
<p>“Like?”</p>
<p>“How we actually met. How I knew that he had a gun. How I knew how to shoot a gun, let alone yours. Pretty sure he was gonna ask me how I managed to solo rescue you next. All things I can’t actually fucking tell him,” she sighed, running a hand through her hair, “Pretty sure if I did, it might…I don’t know. Change the future or something.”</p>
<p>She shifted to run her hand down his metal arm, taking his hand into hers as she examined it. A new model, nicer shine, and when she ran her fingertips to his elbow, she smirked. He chuckled at that, “No more knives there.”</p>
<p>“Why not?”</p>
<p>“Time for a change,” he said, but there was a strange tone behind his voice. Something he was mulling over in his head, and she watched his expression change from a smile to almost a frown, “Think it’s time for a lot of things to change.”</p>
<p>Her chest felt heavy, clearing her throat as she moved to let go of his hand, but he held onto her. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Made a decision,” he sighed, “About the data.”</p>
<p>“And?” There was too long of a pause between her question, and his words. Trying to find the right thing to say, and she was starting to fear the worse. “Johnny, please tell me you’re not—”</p>
<p>“—I’m giving Rogue the data.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t at all what she was expecting to hear, though the weight on her chest was lifted. “Rogue? Why—”</p>
<p>“She goes with him anyway, I’m never the reason she signs up. She’s one of the best for a reason. Stories that aren’t mine to tell, but I just only edged her along,” he says, entwining his metal fingers with hers, setting down his beer next to her on the counter. “Figure I tell her what it is. Combine it with knowledge you and I know. Avoid shit goin’ wrong like it did.”</p>
<p>“And then what?”</p>
<p>“Then I’m out. Can’t do that life anymore. Not lookin’ to fuck this up, this new life we got. Think we both know by now we ain’t goin’ back to where we came from.”</p>
<p>Truth that she knows, deep down, but didn’t want confirmed. She looks away from him, moving her hand from his. Wringing her hands together tightly. “Doesn’t mean I wasn’t hopeful to go back.” She hates how broken her voice sounds. Hates how guilty she feels.</p>
<p>She knows that he feels it through their link, as he wraps his arms around her and pulls her to his chest. “Gonna make the best of this, V. Know I can’t do this without you. Know this isn’t easy for you to be here, but gonna make sure you know that you belong here. <em>We</em> belong here, we just gotta do this last thing.”</p>
<p>She nods against his chest, before she lifts her head, “And after that?”</p>
<p>“After that, we take it a day at a time.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. ; we've got to break it before it breaks us</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>They know what tomorrow brings. But neither of them wants to really talk about it. Her anxiety is rising, and he’s trying to fight against it as it washes over him in waves. “Pacing worse than I do,” he tells her. Guitar in his lap, he stops playing, and when he does, she stops pacing. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Fuck,” she sighs out, biting her lip. Her hands move in and out of fists at her side, as he holds out a hand for her. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Come ‘ere,” he says, and she does. His guitar glitches away as she joins him on the couch, and she curls up against him, burying her face in his neck. “Gonna see this through. Gonna work,” but he’s not sure who he’s trying to convince. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She sighs against him, “It’s alright if we’re scared, right?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He nods but doesn’t say anything. Just holds her tighter against him, as she rests her hand over his heart. </em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>It’s a decision he didn’t make lightly. It’s a decision that he knows is only going to push people into the path of destruction that he was selfishly removing himself from, but he had already gone down that path. He couldn’t be self-destructive anymore. He couldn’t be the person that threw it all away, knowing that nothing he did changed much. He could rebel against everything in other ways.</p>
<p>It just wouldn’t be this.</p>
<p>And what a contrast against his old life it was. This time before, he was continuing his years long spiral. Beaten, broken, too high to remember anything most of the time, then died because he was stupid enough to believe he was the best. He fucking wasn’t. What Alt had told V was true; he altered his memories in Mikoshi to make himself feel better about who he had been.</p>
<p>He had always hated facing the truth.</p>
<p>If there was something that V had taught him was that the truth fucking sucked, but at least it was better than lying to yourself. He had never liked the truth before, or at least getting it. He never lied, only lies of omission, and if he had altered his memories so he couldn’t remember…</p>
<p>But all of them had been restored in Mikoshi, everything had come back, and the weight of who he had been was too much.</p>
<p>The choice to send the data to Rogue instead of Morgan was a specific one. One, because Morgan hated him and Johnny had only weaseled his way into the raid in the first place because he was on a rampage to get Alt back and potentially get himself made a martyr in the process. Couldn’t and wouldn’t do that again. Two, because he trusted Rogue to be smarter than he was. She was smart, she would take every piece of data, analyze it, scrutinize it, and find the ways to resolve it. It should have always been her to run the op, not him and Morgan.</p>
<p>And finally, because Morgan had the backing of Militech, and while Johnny hadn’t been okay being a shill for one corporation taking down another, Rogue wouldn’t see the issue. It had been how she survived the raid before, only this time he hoped she wouldn’t sell all of her soul. That maybe she’d be a little less bitter about her life in later years.</p>
<p>While Johnny returned to the hotel suite he shared with V, V had gone into the netrunner room. Try to download some of the memories she had from when she worked at Arasaka in 2077, cross reference it from the data they had now, and combine it with the leftover memories that she still had from when he was firmly in her head.</p>
<p>That hadn’t been a nightmare that he wanted to relive, so when she told him her plan, he opted to stay behind. Put together the package for Rogue. Get someone to deliver it back to her in Night City.</p>
<p>Try to decide if he was going to say the information was coming from him or not.</p>
<p>What he decided on was giving hints it was him, but not outwardly saying it. Rogue would get the hint, she wouldn’t contact him for anything, and she’d know what to do with the information. She’d contact Morgan, they’d get the job lined up, and…</p>
<p>…well it didn’t concern him once she got the data. He was out. He was done. He wasn’t going to do this again, he wasn’t going to go headfirst into a path that was going to destroy him.</p>
<p>There were other ways to fight corporations and their demonic ways of digging their nails deep into people. He could and would fight in other ways.</p>
<p>He spent so long staring at the black suitcase in front of him, that he didn’t hear V come back into the room. A touch of her hand on his shoulder and he jumped slightly, before sighing out, “Fuck, V, could have announced yourself.”</p>
<p>She smirked, “I did. Three times, actually. How in your head were you?”</p>
<p>“Very,” he admitted, as she joined him on the couch. “You get what you needed?”</p>
<p>“Think so,” she shrugged, reaching into her pocket and pulled out two data shards. “Know you might not want to, but you should double check all of this to be sure. I don’t want us putting Rogue into danger.” He took the shares from her hands, resting one on his knee as he prepared to slot the first one in. “Staying here, tell me if things need to be changed.”</p>
<p>He nodded, and put the first shard in.</p>
<p>His vision blurred for a moment, before it cleared, and before him were the memories he had played out for her in Mikoshi. What had actually happened, but she managed to alter any hint that it was his memories they were watching. Voices Rogue would recognize were cut out, but familiar enemies were there, specifically Smasher. She didn’t include how he fell from the helicopter, how he was caught by Arasaka, how he was flatlined. Nothing that was important to Rogue, but he felt better knowing it wasn’t there.</p>
<p>Shard disconnected, he switched to the other one, and it held the knowledge that V had gathered through their time together, and information she had from her own disastrous time with Arasaka. The old blueprints she once had to memorize as part of her old job, codes she had access to that never changed from the old building to the new.</p>
<p>When he was done reviewing the information, he disconnected it and waited for his vision to return. When it did, he looked up to see V smoking by the balcony window.</p>
<p>“Think that’s enough?” She asked, tapping the cigarette into the ashtray near her.</p>
<p>“More than enough,” he admitted. Both shards placed into the case, he closed it and locked it. Coded it with something he knew Rogue would try first and stood up.</p>
<p>V reached out her hand for him, and as he got closer, his hand slipped into his. She placed her cigarette between his lips, letting her other hand fall to her hip. “What now?”</p>
<p>He took a long drag of the cigarette, savoring that it had a mix of her taste and nicotine, smoke bellowing out slowly towards the open window. “Contact the courier, send that off to Rogue. And then…”</p>
<p>Silence fell between them as he passed the cigarette back to her, and she took her own drag, “And then that’s it.”</p>
<p>He nods, “Then that’s it.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“What if we don’t go in? What if we just stay here, and never leave?” She asks, her voice quiet against the loud sounds of the city around them. But she never has to speak loudly, because he can always hear her no matter where she is. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He doesn’t want to lose this feeling. “Don’t think we can deny it any longer. Had too many malfunctions lately.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Johnny, just humor me,” she begs, squeezing his hand. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Alright, princess,” he says, “Then we just stay here. Watch the sun come up, the stars fade, and we stay here as long as we can. Just you and me, we never have to leave.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s not close to the truth. But he can feel her getting more relaxed, as she takes in a deep breath.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“It’s a nice dream,” as she moves to stand up straighter, shoulders held high. She still holds on tightly to his hand, “Let’s go face the music.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>***</em>
</p>
<p>The courier leaves with the package, the eddies are transferred, and that’s that.</p>
<p>There’s a heavy feeling that rests on his chest as they head back through the hotel lobby. Other members of their bands are loitering around, some at the bar, some in front of the fireplace, and they pay no mind to V and Johnny. It’s common for them to spend so much time together now, and with everyone else as drunk as they are, no one would remember them dropping off something anyway.</p>
<p>She’s quiet as she stands next to him, walking out with him once the elevator reaches their floor and she guides them to their hotel room. V opens the door and guides him inside, locking it behind them.</p>
<p>When she turns back to face him, he takes her hand and pulls her close to him and kisses her softly. He’s not someone who shuts up easily, but he doesn’t really have the words now for what they’ve accomplished. Their link, still so foreign to them, is active as he feels her emotions of what everything means wash over him. Relief, exhaustion, worry, happiness, it all flows and blends into a heady mix that strangely feels intoxicating, knowing that he feels it too.</p>
<p>But as she kisses him back, her hands moving under his shirt, the emotions all change into desire, want, need, love, and that’s all he needs. He breaks the kiss to take his shirt off, to lift her own over her head and toss it. They take turns helping each other get undressed, but their movements are slow. Deliberate. Like it’s something to savor, and he does.</p>
<p>Naked to each other, he picks her up in his arms and carries her to the bed. She lays down and he crawls over to her, his fingers moving to ready her as he kisses her neck. She moans against the movements, moving under him as he kisses his way down to lose himself between her thighs.</p>
<p>She cries out as he worships her, shows her exactly what she does to him, what she means to him. Her hands snake into his hair and as he brings her closer to climax, she pulls but he doesn’t move. He holds her down until her release comes, and she cries out his name so beautifully, singing it like one of his favorite songs. He makes slow work of kissing his way back up to her, taking the time to kiss every inch of skin presented to him, she writhes beneath him begging him to be inside her.</p>
<p>His lips meet her own, as he kisses her hard as he enters her, and as she arches up from the bed to meet him, his arm wraps around her and pulls her up. She pulls her legs tight around him as they move in tandem, he thrusts into her as she comes down to meet him and it’s so fucking beautiful. Everything about her is so fucking beautiful and he tells her this again and again. Tells her that he loves her over and over, and she repeats the same, and he can feel it.</p>
<p>She tightens around him, whimpering that she’s close, and he moves his hand between them to rub against her clit, telling her to ride it. He bites her shoulder, and tells her to come for him and she does almost instantly, her hand tight around his bicep as he fucks her through it and comes very quickly after her.</p>
<p>The sound of coming down is quiet, soft chuckles and kissing, whispers in his hear that she loves him, that this is where she’s meant to be.</p>
<p>“I love you,” She says, and when he replies the same, she kisses him with so much passion it almost was as if they had never expressed their love before.</p>
<p>But he knows what this is. It feels like something new. That because of her, he feels free. And he loves her for it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>yes, i know how i used lore is twisted here, but that's on purpose &lt;3 </p>
<p>also, two chapters left!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. ; tonight your ghost will ask my ghost, "who put these bodies between us?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The stage lights were bright and hot against her skin, electric. Being back on stage, being with the rest of Valiant, it was where she was meant to be.</p>
<p>Leah was on top of her game, quite possibly playing the best V had ever heard her play. Mitchell as always was a force to be reckoned with as he ran around the stage. Even James was in a good mood; his usual scowl while he played was gone and replaced with a grin.</p>
<p>It had been two weeks since they had sent the data to Rogue. A week since Johnny had been cleared to play again – shows that had been rescheduled in New York were back on, and at first V wasn’t sure how she felt about getting up to pretend to be a musician again.</p>
<p>It was only when Johnny reminded her that she wasn’t actually pretending, that she was doing this all on her own that it made her feel better. The circumstances in how she ended up in 2020 still weren’t clear to her, she still wasn’t certain that this wasn’t just a trick of the mind from Alt, but this was what her life was now. Living in the past with the knowledge she kept from her life before.</p>
<p>She had always felt like she should have been born in a different time, that living in 2077 never really suited her when she was far more in tune with older generations. Even Johnny had pointed that out to her once, that had she been around when he was, he imagined his life would have gone a lot differently.</p>
<p>And he was right. Both of their lives were going a lot differently now.</p>
<p>Johnny was on the side of the stage, watching their set with Kerry at his side. That’s how it was every show now, both of them always there. Sometimes joined by Nancy and Denny, and whatever person was guesting as their bassist for a few shows.</p>
<p>But every night, when Valiant ended their set with the song V and Johnny wrote, she always looked off stage. He was always there, grinning.</p>
<p>It was the same when Samurai took the stage, V was always watching. Mitchell usually joined her, for the same reason that Kerry joined Johnny. From what she remembered of the older version of Kerry told her, he didn’t really keep relationships around. But Kerry seemed happy; Johnny had made the comment that Kerry hadn’t been like this before, but their reunion tour didn’t have an opening band before.</p>
<p>V hadn’t been in this time before.</p>
<p>With Samurai ending their set, they got off the stage and it was only a matter of time before Johnny was upon her and pushing her against a wall with a rough kiss, running on pure adrenaline from the show. A routine that happened after every show now, but as far as V as concerned, there was nothing wrong with a routine if it meant she was kissed like <em>that</em> every time.</p>
<p>But it was Leah running up to everyone backstage, “Guys, something is happening back home,” and it was like a bucket of cold water was splashed over her and Johnny. Still sometimes functioning as one person, they both tensed up and looked at each other silently.</p>
<p>Mitchell, Kerry, Denny, and Nancy all followed Leah, and V and Johnny followed behind silently as they all got into Valiant’s dressing room.</p>
<p>The television was reporting breaking news. An attack on Arasaka Tower, while there was no word on who started the attack, Militech and the NUSA government were blaming Arasaka for this horrible ‘mistake’. Only casualties that were reported were workers who were inside the building, as an anonymous hacker had sent out messages to holos of those in the vicinity of the tower to evacuate and get to safety quickly.</p>
<p>V heard Johnny mutter, “Spider,” under his breath, but kept their eyes on the television. It was a report that wasn’t giving all the details of course, because the news would never report anything that could be viewed as anti-corp.</p>
<p>There wasn’t hundreds of thousands of deaths, there wasn’t a nuclear fallout from before. It was as contained as something like this could have been.</p>
<p>While everyone around them were talking about what happened, some excitedly about Arasaka going down, V and Johnny stayed silent.</p>
<p>He slipped his hand into hers and held tight.</p>
<p>
  <strong>***</strong>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Smasher was dead. There was nothing standing in their way now, but she if was hit with one more malfunction, she wouldn’t make it through the door. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Coughing up blood, wiping her mouth, she struggled to stand. Johnny was at her side, helping her up. He wrapped his arm around her, and together they headed for the door to Mikoshi. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Almost there, V. Don’t give up now.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Not tryin’ to give up, trust me.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It felt like they were moving in slow motion, and perhaps they were, but soon they stood in front of the entry way. The weight of everything washed over both of them quickly, a heavy blend of conflicting emotions. As far as they both knew, this was the beginning of the end. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Remember the plan,” he said, but how he held onto her told her he was scared. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“What if I don’t want that to be the plan anymore?” Her voice was the first to break, and he moved quickly, his arms around her tightly. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“We talk to Alt. Understand our options. You’ll make it through.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Gently they separated from each other, as she pulled out her personal jack, “We both will, if I have my way.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He helps her to guide her jack into the port, and his arms are around her as he helps to lower herself into the cool water below. “See you inside, princess,” he says, lips to her forehead before they glitch away.</em>
</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>They should be packing up their things to head to the next city, but instead Johnny is pacing around their room smoking. V is holding out her holo, setting it on speaker as it rings over and over.</p>
<p>They pace in opposite directions as the holo rings, but once the person on the other end picks up, both of them stop moving. Vik’s voice comes over the holo and V lets out a sigh of relief; she knows he wasn’t near the tower when it fell before in 2023, but things were different now. Like they were messing with the timeline, everything accelerated up by three years.</p>
<p>He tells her that he’s okay, that Marie is with him. They had only just got back to Night City from their trip in New York to see them. Things are a mess, but people are rallying around, rallying <em>against</em> Arasaka and even Militech, no one wanting another corporate war to build out so quickly after the last one just ended with a bang.</p>
<p>Johnny’s expression doesn’t change as the conversation finishes up, V telling Vik that she’s glad he’s safe and to keep her updated. Once the call ends, and V puts away her holo, she walks over to Johnny. “One call down.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“Are you going to—”</p>
<p>“Yeah, just give me a fuckin’ second,” he curses out, putting out his cigarette and fishing out his holo. His screen is still broken, and the screen glitches under the broken glass.</p>
<p>She realizes his hand is shaking.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>,” he sighs out, but doesn’t say anything else. There’s a small dull feeling of anxiety that is washing over him and onto her through their small connection, and she just puts her hand on his back.</p>
<p>He turns on speaker, and the call starts, ringing.</p>
<p>“If she doesn’t pick up—”</p>
<p>“She will—”</p>
<p>And on cue, Rogue does. “Johnny?” It’s an audio only call, there’s no visual and for that V is thankful. More for Johnny’s sake than her own, because Johnny is fighting against a myriad of emotions that she can tell he doesn’t want to deal with.</p>
<p>“Heard what happened. Wanted to see if—”</p>
<p>“Know you sent the data,” Rogue interrupts, her voice curt, “Don’t even want to know how to you got it.” But there’s a change in her tone as it goes more curious, “Why send it to me?”</p>
<p>Johnny isn’t pacing as he calls, but his hand is tapping against his side as he speaks. V moves to stand behind him and wraps an arm around his core, resting her forehead on his back. “Only one I could trust with it. Wasn’t about to go to Blackhand with it. Knew he was lookin’ for it.” He’s lying, V knows. But they can’t tell the truth.</p>
<p>It’s a lie that Rogue has no reason to disbelieve, she sighs over the line. “Yeah, he was.” There is a long pause, before she says, “Johnny, if you didn’t give me all the deets that you did, I don’t think we would have made it out of there alive.”</p>
<p>He tenses up, and V holds him a little tighter. He moves his hand to rest over hers on his stomach. “<em>Fuck</em>. Are you--”</p>
<p>“Out of Night City? Yeah. Morgan, Spider, and I bailed as fast as we could, Militech started to come after us.” Rogue lets out a bitter laugh, and it’s the Rogue that V is more familiar with. But something still feels wrong, something doesn’t feel right. “We got separated from Morgan. Think Militech caught up, got pissed at him for how things went down. Spider and I went out on our own. Hiding low for a while. Spider wanted me to tell you somethin’, but after this, I’m done. Got that, Johnny?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Rogue lets out a sigh, and the tone of her voice changes, it’s softer as she says, “She said to tell you she freed Rapunzel from her tower. That you’d be pleased with that.”</p>
<p>Alt. Rogue is talking about Alt. Johnny is quiet for a long time, V hears him clear his throat before he speaks, “She’d be right. If you talk to—”</p>
<p>“Don’t. Thank her yourself.” Rogue’s tone is back to bitter and angry, a protective mode for someone on the run, <br/>“Gotta delta, disconnect this number. Don’t try to find me.”</p>
<p>“If you—”</p>
<p>“Won’t need you, Johnny. Never did.” The line disconnects, and silence takes over the hotel suite.</p>
<p>Slowly, V moves away from Johnny, and he drops his phone to a nearby table. The weight of what happens is still hovering in the air between them, but it doesn’t feel as heavy now. As he grabs his cigarette case and lighter, she opens the doors to their hotel balcony and steps out.</p>
<p>The cold December air feels good on her skin, and when Johnny joins her, he lights both cigarettes and hands her one. They don’t say anything, the sound of the crackling of the cigarette and their breathing the only thing between them.</p>
<p>There are too many things to talk about, but she can’t find the words. She’s not sure if she wants to find the words right now. Tomorrow, they’ll head out of New York and continue the tour, moving further and further away from Night City. Tonight, there’s just the weight of everything that has changed.</p>
<p>As she takes a drag from her cigarette, she reaches her hand out for his and he entwines his fingers with hers. They stand close to each other looking over the New York skyline in silence.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>coming to the end! &lt;3 </p>
<p>but, i also want to draw all of your attention towards <a href="https://i.imgur.com/XwBCaJ5.jpg">this amazing fan art</a> of this story that <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Era_Asha">era_asha</a> surprised me with! it's the scene from chapter 10 when v steals johnny's guitar, and i love it so. (it is also now in the notes of chapter 10 too!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. ; when your voice became vibrations from the satellite mind, it sounded like mine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They only managed to sleep for a few hours, and it is still hours before they leave New York. Wrapped up around each other in bed, the sheets mostly kicked off the bed, her body is draped over his. His organic hand is on her back, calloused fingers moving up and down her smooth skin, his metal fingers twisting her hair.</p>
<p>He thinks that he’s conflicted about everything, and she hears it. She hums against his chest, before she shifts and leans up to look at him. Her hair falls over her shoulder, and he pushes it back with a smile. “What are you conflicted about?”</p>
<p>“How things turned out. Know giving Rogue the data was the right thing, but still feel off about it. Guilty.” It feels strange to admit it at first, but once the words leave him, he feels calm. Coming to terms with the past he no longer was tied by.</p>
<p>“Guilty?” V asks, as she shifts against him, turning more to her side. She keeps a hand on his chest, as she rests her head on her other hand, “Why?”</p>
<p>He looks at her with a shrug, his organic hand still on her back, though his hand has slipped further down as she shifted against him. “Wasn’t there. Part of me still feels like it was my fuckin’ fight, like I should have led the charge.”</p>
<p>A sound of disapproval escapes her, she shakes her head in disagreement immediately, “You know how that would have ended.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” The silence settles again between them, but it’s not uncomfortable. She’s working things over in her head, the look in her eye that he knows well. She raises her eyebrow curiously before she speaks.</p>
<p>“Spider’s message to you, is that part of why you feel this way?”</p>
<p>Always quick to get to what he was really thinking, he nods. He moves his metal hand to rub at the bridge of his nose, before moving it to rest behind his head. “She didn’t have to do that. Least I know Alt is out of there. Despite what we know she becomes, don’t regret knowing she’s free.”</p>
<p>“I still don’t get how Alt sent us both back here, but maybe she needed to get out so we could stay here?”</p>
<p>A low laugh escapes him, as he smirks, “Sounds like some science fiction vid.”</p>
<p>V laughs in turn as she leans on him more, easy smile on her lip, “We essentially traveled into the past,” she points out, “We’ve been living in a vid for a bit.”</p>
<p>“That mean we’ve been scrollin’, ‘cause then there are some key moments that I’d like to watch again…” An opportunity that he would not let pass him by as he moved to wrap his arms around her more and pull her on top of him. She laughs and smacks him in the chest.</p>
<p>“Oh, <em>fuck you</em>,” but she’s grinning, and he takes the opportunity to kiss her, and her grin molds into a smile as she kisses him back. She rests her forehead against his before pulling away slightly, but he makes sure she doesn’t go too far. “It’s weird, knowing that…I’m never going back. Everyone I knew, they’re never gonna know me.”</p>
<p>“Got Vik.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but even that friendship is different. He’s a different person. For one, Marie is still alive.”</p>
<p>His smile he was wearing falls as the implication of her words hit him. Something he hadn’t known, but felt he needed the confirmation on. “Wait, was she supposed to…”</p>
<p>She clears her throat, nodding, “One of the original casualties, yeah.”</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>.”  It explains why Vik in 2077 hadn’t been too keen on him before, Johnny figures if the tables were turned, he’d react a lot worse than Vik had. Hell, he had acted worse than Vik had, it was why Vik had lost anyone at all in the first place.</p>
<p>The guilt was starting to creep up again, the doubt of who he used to be, and V’s expression changed. She pressed a kiss to his lips, moved her fingers through his hair, because this was now. Things weren’t how they were.</p>
<p>“Weird knowing that just by being here, by us changing how things went…people’s lives are different now,” she says softly, her fingers brushing now against his beard.</p>
<p>“Don’t know what we fucked up worse in the process,” he countered, and she shrugged.</p>
<p>“Two sides of the same coin.”</p>
<p>She sighs softly against him, shifting to straddle him and brings the sheets up with her, covering them. He moves his hands to smooth slowly up her thighs, and as she leans back down on his chest, his hands move up her backside to her hips.</p>
<p>“Gotta admit, that weight that I always carried, it’s not there anymore. Like part of my life that I used to look back on as the worst part of my life is gone.”</p>
<p>“Like you can start fresh?”</p>
<p>He shakes his head, “Not fresh, not gonna forget who I was and what I’ve done. Don’t matter if it was this version of me, or another one. New path forward, would be a better way to say it.”</p>
<p>It’s an answer that she likes, as she smiles at him. He can tell how she feels about it, a small wave of agreement coming from her to him. New path forward, it seems like the only way to go now.</p>
<p>Anything else, if she wasn’t by his side, it wouldn’t be worth it.</p>
<p>“What do we do now?” V asks, and he shrugs.</p>
<p>“Could leave the tour, go off and do our own thing. Disappear for a while.”</p>
<p>“Mmm, what if…we stayed?”</p>
<p>“On the tour?”</p>
<p>“Yeah,” and her expression breaks through to a broader smile, excitement playing on her features, “See it through. We leave the NUSA soon, right?”</p>
<p>“On to Europe and Asia,” he confirms, with a smirk, “still surprised we’re allowed to play there.”</p>
<p>“Let’s stay on the tour,” she says, kissing him quick before adding, “I’ve gotten used to this. I like how it feels.”</p>
<p>“Told you, you’re a natural at it. Belong here.”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>He hums in response, moving his hands up her back, “Belong with me.”</p>
<p>He pulls her close to his chest as he kisses her, moving their positions so she’s on her back. She moves beneath him, her legs wrapping around him as he settles between them. She moans into the kiss, she pulls him closer to her, and he grins as he breaks the kiss.</p>
<p>V lets out little sounds of protest, and he’s again stuck by just how fucking lucky he is now.</p>
<p>“See through the end of the tour,” He says, voice a little ragged, “After, we disappear for a bit. Do what we want. Don’t go home until we want to.”</p>
<p>She shifts beneath him, her hands roaming him as she softly says, “Home being Night City?”</p>
<p>“Figure, as long as I got you, don’t care where we go.”  </p>
<p>“Can’t stay idle for long, can we.”</p>
<p>“Idle ain’t our style,” he says, eyes drifting down to her lips, a smirk on his own.</p>
<p>“No,” she softly says, just before she kisses him, “it’s really not.”  </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>
  <em>“Think when this is over, you’ll stay in Night City?” She asks, smoke billowing out from between her lips. They’ve chosen one of the highest points of the city. She leans against the roof balcony, looking out over city below. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He knows that she’s talking about a hypothetical where both of them make it out alive. Both of them back in bodies that are theirs. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>An ending they most likely wouldn’t get. Still, he played along. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He shrugs his shoulders, flicking digital ash over the roof’s edge. “Depends, if I leave, you comin’ with me?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There’s an easy smile that curls up on her lips, “You have to ask?” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He smirks, tossing the cigarette as it digitally disappears. “Figure I only got what is in front of me, V,” he says as he reaches over and rests his metal hand on her hip, “Don’t matter much if you ain’t at my side.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Still us against the world, then?” She asks, as she tosses her own real cigarette and blows the smoke away from him out of a courtesy. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Until there’s nothing left but ashes, babe.” </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“Then yeah,” She grins, an arm wrapped around his shoulders, “I’m coming with.”</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And with that, we're done :) I'm not sure if I will go back into this little storyverse again, but I hope you all enjoyed this story! i did not expect this story to blow up like it did, and I am so thankful for all your hits, kudos, and comments!! </p>
<p>If you're interested in more of this pair (because I for some reason cannot stop writing them), check out my <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114709">one shots</a> &amp; <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/series/2229351">longer stories</a>.</p>
<p>Thank you all again for reading, and catch you on the next one &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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